Abuse of Trust in Relationships
Preventing Infidelity of a Cheating Husband or Cheating Wife
Dec 20, 2008
Marriage counselor and author, M. Gary Neuman, in a recent study claims that 1 in 2.7 men will cheat on their wives. The numbers of women cheating are on the increase as well; after all, who are men in relationships having affairs with? They generally are with women who are in relationships. As Gary Neuman stated in an article on Oprah.com: “Cheating is ridiculous. It's wrong. And you can't justify it.”
Why Are Affairs Happening at Alarming Rates?
There is a deluge of articles and information flooding magazines and the internet on why men and women are cheating on their spouses. Most of these articles suggest reasons such as:
- feeling devalued as a partner in the relationship
- lack of intimacy in the relationship
- revenge or “payback” (women overwhelmingly more than men will have an affair for this reason)
- feeling ignored or neglected
- not feeling attractive anymore
- deviant behavior (men more often than women can not say no to a past flame)
- angry at the partner
- not having enough sex
- partner is a sex addict
Happiness, love and success are the best things in life. The outcomes of these depend on the ability to create and maintain great relationships. The ability to create and maintain great relationships is having good communication skills. Good communication skills includes a good emotional intelligence level that encompasses two main components: listening and talking.
Emotional Intelligence a Strategy in Averting Affairs
Most people do very well at the start of a relationship with their best foot forward. Sadly, later down the road that foot stumbles and complacency sets in.
Emotional intelligence is the ability to recognize, control, and effectively communicate our own emotions, and recognize the emotions of other people. Well-developed emotional intelligence skills provide a solid emotional foundation that helps build strong relationships.
More often than not, relationship problems and the desire to start seeking an affair is due to a breakdown in the skills of emotional intelligence.
Having an affair is a choice. If a person is unhappy in a relationship, as difficult as it may be, communicating feelings in a respectful manner is essential in not becoming an adulterer.
Take Ownership of Your Feelings
“I feel that we aren't having as much sex as we used to.” “I feel you don't appreciate what I do for you.” “I miss the way we used to cuddle and be more intimate.” Taking ownership of how you feel will get more mileage. Letting your partner know exactly how you feel is essential to a successful monogamous relationship. If what you are respectfully communicating to your partner is falling on deaf ears or your partner is in denial, then laying your cards on the table is crucial. As difficult as it will be - be honest. “I'm not happy and I feel changes must happen, otherwise I'm feeling the urge to stray.”
No relationship is easy. Working on a meaningful and successful relationship is very difficult particularly when life stressors get in the way. Articulating marriage vows and “til death do we part” are easy words to repeat. Practicing them is a life-long process.
Once trust has been abused, a relationship can not be the same unless the violated partner is totally forgiving and willing to fully trust once again. This is a huge undertaking and few are able to do that. Remember, it's easy to have an affair, and at times it's not easy to maintain a relationship. There's always a choice.
Further Reading:
Emotional Intelligence in Relationships
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