What do you do if one of your friends is experiencing relationship violence?
Your friend might come to you and disclose that he or she is in an abusive relationship. You may notice that a friend has a suspicious number of physical injuries or seems to have changed a lot recently, and worry that they are being abused by a partner. What can you do to help out?
If a Friend Comes to You for Help
If a friend turns to you about his or her abusive relationship, the most important thing you can do is listen non-judgmentally. She or he doesn’t need you to tell him or her that their partner is a terrible person, or that they are wrong to stay in a relationship with them. Even the most well-intentioned criticisms can drive a vulnerable, hurting friend away and reduce the likelihood of him or her confiding in you again.
Relationship abuse, no matter whether it’s physical, emotional, or sexual in nature, is never the victim’s fault. It’s important that you reinforce this with your friend. Remind them how brave they have been to seek help. One of the best ways that you can help a friend who is in an abusive relationship is to help her seek out professional advice. Help him or her to contact a local domestic violence organization, even if your friend is not living with the abusive partner. Organisations like Women’s Aid and the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence can give you advice about local support groups and social workers. Don’t be afraid to call a help line or contact a domestic violence organization yourself and ask for advice on helping a friend – assistance workers will be more than happy to help you support a loved one. Police have special officers trained to work with people who are in abusive relationships. If your friend is in danger, encourage him or her to speak to a police officer about the abuse.
If You Suspect a Friend is Being Abused
If you notice your friend exhibiting signs of abuse, or have seen some signs of abusive behavior in the partner, you may be concerned for your friend’s well-being. It can be hard to confront a friend about suspected abuse, but don’t be afraid to talk about it. Your friend may be afraid to tell anyone about the abuse because he or she is not ready to end the relationship, is embarrassed or ashamed about the abuse, or feels that relationship abuse is normal.
Talk to a domestic violence counselor or help line worker for advice on the specific situation before you speak to your friend. Find a time to talk to your friend when you can speak privately. Remember that your friend may deny that abuse is happening, or may be angry at you for making accusations of abuse. This can be hurtful, but try to remember that your friend’s safety is the issue here – just letting your friend know gently that you are worried, and that you care about her, can be enough in the beginning. Knowing that you are concerned and supportive may encourage your friend to open up to you about the abuse in the future.
Don’t Take on Too Much Alone
Relationship abuse is serious, and can be very dangerous. Don’t try to keep abuse a secret – ask for help when you need it, and make sure that you are getting the support you need.
