Spotting The Femme Fatale
The Crazy Girlfriend Is Thrilling On Screen But Not In Real Life.
May 11, 2009
Although cases have demonstrated over the years that men are the likely perpetrator of relational transgressions, nowadays women are getting their pay back on years of ungentlemanly behavior and ultimately gentlemen, it is our fault. It is our fault because we have taught women with our own actions that selfish behavior is not only acceptable, but this is what a man wants in a relationship. It may seem far fetched, but what is behavior mirroring? Now that the die is cast and changing society is a long term process, how do you avoid bringing home the girl who is going to "cook your rabbit"? This article will give you tips on avoiding the real life femme fatale.
Mirror, Mirror On The Wall
Although Narcissism is generally used to describe the male gender, women also suffer from this. Webster's online dictionary defines narcissism as " A psychological condition characterized by self-preoccupation, lack of empathy, and unconscious deficits in self-esteem." It is also characterized by extreme self-love. So, when dealing with a potential femme fatale, keep in mind it is not about you personally. The way to avoid this is to simply listen and watch for indications of behavior before you give this seductress your time, money and more importantly, your heart.
Liar, Liar, Pants On Fire
Unfortunately most people in society confabulate in order to impress a potential mate. The fish you caught on vacation was not three feet in length, but two feet three inches. You never really had relations with the hottie at the job, you only fixed her flat tire and she gave you a friendly peck on the cheek. You get the point. Woman surprisingly, abide in the same manner. At first, you can shrug it off as mild insecurity, however when it becomes clear that she does not really go to church as often as she says and that all the men she was hurt by, were really the victims, you may want to guard your heart and proceed with caution. By the same token, people who are hurting often hurt others and your potential love interest may be hurting when you meet her. So play it safe, be a gentlemen and patient with her and by all means do not take her guardedness as dishonesty because a woman who has been hurt is going to protect her heart to ensure you are not like every other man who has disspointed her. If you remain a gentleman, be consistant and kind towards her, that hurt heart will eventually be a healed heart and you get to be the knight in shining armor on this one.
The Center Of The Universe
Boundaries are important and the most important boundary is personal space. It is important to ask yourself if she the type of person who has to spend every waking moment speaking with you? Are there several calls to your home phone, your work phone, your cell phone, your parents phone, all the same time? If so, do not let your ego get the best of yourself and think that you are so amazing that she cannot live without you, you may be dating a very needy person. Also, are her problems becoming your problems? It is a valiant thing for a man to want to assist his new found girlfriend; and it is in our makeup to do so, however, are you the new emotional dumping ground or the fixer? If you are the fixer, there is an honest desire for a man to be that, and in healthy doses, it demonstrates a chivalrous individual which women must see in her potential man. However, she must be willing to allow the fixing to occur otherwise, she is a drama queen perpetuating trouble for attention sake and the potential for moving forward in a healthy relationship is doubtful.
Controlling Interests
The beauty of being in a relationship is that each person can draw from one another and become better people. That is the point. However in being with your potential femme fatale, she is going to want to continue to obtain what she wants from you which is: control. So, in her gaining control, you will have to watch whether or not your personality becomes subverted to her taste. The idea is to undermine your confidence in your own beliefs and tastes in order for you to need her. For example: is your new favorite color chartreuse instead of blue. Are you becoming a vegetarian when you like steak? Is football no longer your favorite sport? Is the church you have been going to no longer suitable for you? You get the point. Please be cautious of women who try and impose their image of who they want you to be onto you. Watch for tell tale signs of demeaning language and offers of assistance in the most minute of tasks, as if you are not a capable individual.
Kindness Is Key
This should be a non negotiable selling point for you. Woman are supposed to be the better part of ourselves, therefore you will want to see that a woman demostrates empathy towards other woman, towards children and even animals. A woman must demonstrate kindness and empathy, if she does not, then you may want to fish elsewhere.
What To Do
If you find yourself caught in one these situations, the main thing to do, is to not be mean spirited. Believe it or not, the aggressive approach exacerbates the situation and may make you appear more attractive. The best thing to do is be polite and not give in to their demands be they sexual, relational and or financial. Once she realizes she cannot get from you what she wants, she will find another to attach herself to. If she does not, do not hesitate to involve the authorities and protect yourself. The last thing you want is to have this femme fatale making your life a proverbial nightmare.
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