Dating Abusive Boyfriend

How to Know if a Guy is Abusive

© Lizzie Elzingre

Feb 16, 2009

Abuse occurs in all races, ethnicities, religions, sexes and classes. Although statistics indicate women to be more aggressive in their relationships with their male partners, many women are dating abusive men.

Abusive boyfriends are products of troubled families. The impulsive and abusive upbringing is the significant factor in abusive behavior. Abusive boyfriends use male privileges to control women. They believe in stereotypical male/female roles. This can be as simple as "I'm a man. Don't ever question me...”

The abusive behavior includes, but is not limited to, physical abuse, emotional abuse, and sexual abuse. When more subtle tactics of power and control fail, the abusive boyfriend uses threats, violence and pressures. The man attempts to put fear into the woman by smashing things, shouting, glaring, or intimidating.

The abusive man has a poor sense of boundaries because people constantly march into his space so he grew up having no idea where personal space begins and ends. That means the abusive boyfriend will not respect boundaries over time as dating becomes comfortable.

Dating a man who opens doors, adores and treats a woman as if a queen is the perfect marriage material. However, many boyfriends behaving badly are appealing, captivating, and loving in between bouts of violence. Here are signs that may indicate abuse in the future.

• Intrusion like constant phone calls and showing up at a friend’s home without invitation are signs of suspicion and distrust.
• Isolation is controlling the woman’s activities with friends and family to have more time with the victim.
• Possession and jealousy are the constant accusations of sexual interactions with anyone. The abusive man tries to take away the power of the woman, while at the same time giving the ultimate power to make everything perfect for his benefit.
• Easily angered and quick mood changes usually due to small issues. The abusive boyfriend is also hostile toward small creatures and children.
• Excessively secretive and hides to take phone calls, clicks off web sites when with company, or refuses to introduce family and friends.
• Having no sense of physical boundaries makes the man thinks that it is cute to headlock the woman. This is out of a perceived need for power and control.

On the other hand, here is a man who needs nurturing to survive physically and emotionally. The sudden bursts of anger, poor impulse control, and poor self-esteem suggest that personality disorders are factors. Suddenly, the compassionate and thoughtful man becomes insensible, scornful and abusive boyfriend.

The abusive boyfriend has reasons for being heartless. However, it is important not to ignore what may seem like small overreactions because it is never acceptable for someone to use violence to get a point across. Even if society expects men to be more violent, it does not mean it is OK.

Abusive behavior can cause people to be sick, bitter, lonely, and harmful. Many women leave their abusive boyfriends, only to return. Those who become accustomed to boyfriends behaving badly often stay trapped with abusive boyfriends because they do not recognize that there is another way of living.

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