Dealing with Self-Harm

Self-harm can be difficult to understand not only by you, but also by those close to you, and they may find it difficult to comprehend why you are harming yourself.

Although still very much a taboo topic, for those of you who are looking out for a loved one who is self-harming, it is important to know that not only is self-harm more common than you may initially think, people can recover from a pattern of self harm, as well as the urge to do it.

The Term Self-Harm

Often (but not solely) linked to young people, self-harm may be described as any activity where a person deliberately inflicts pain, harm or discomfort to his/ her body. If this definition is to be considered, then it could even be said that acts such as smoking, or leaving the house without eating breakfast, could harm an individual. However, as these types of activities seem to be more socially acceptable, they are not considered in the same light as other socially unacceptable, self-harming behaviour.

Self harm covers a wider range of activity than just ‘cutting’. People sometimes have a certain stereotype about what self-harm entails; however, although it does include cutting, it also may include burning, scalding, breaking bones, banging or scratching one’s own body, hair pulling, swallowing poisonous substances or objects, and anything else that may cause pain or discomfort.

Why Do People Self-Harm

Many people self-harm to get out any hurt, anger and pain that may be caused by the pressures or difficulties in their lives. A common myth that people self harm for attention has to be considered, and thrown out there, as firstly not only are there easier ways to gain attention, but secondly most people who self-harm do it in places that only they can see (e.g. on their concealed bodies).

For a person who may feel they have no control over the way his/ her life is going, self-harm may give a temporary relief of pressure, and a sense of control over at least one aspect of that person’s life. Furthermore, the things that people may feel that they have no control over, may include issues such as being bullied at school, stress and worry about work, feeling isolated, bereavement, low self esteem or abuse inflicted upon them.

How to Spot Self-Harm

It is extremely difficult to tell whether someone is self-harming, however a few common signs may include your loved ones covering themselves up more than normal (even when the weather is warm/hot), or they may appear to become sensitive about you coming near them/seeing them naked.

Furthermore, they may avoid participating in activities that involves minimal clothing, such as swimming, going to the beach etc. More emotional signs may include someone close to you becoming withdrawn, quiet and lacking energy. It is important, however, to note that these signs may also be linked to other personal issues that an individual may be experiencing, such as physical and sexual abuse.

How to Stop Self-Harm

Although there is no one magical way to stop self-harming, the most important piece of advice to consider, is to try and deal with the things that may be causing you to self-harm (e.g. bullying, lack of self-worth etc). A way to do this is to talk to those around you (this may include family, friends, teachers or work colleagues). If these people are a little too close to home, why not approach a counsellor. The benefits of doing so are that you get a detached, objective opinion from a professional, where you can control what you do or do not discuss.

Finally, by understanding your emotions and triggers, e.g. what makes you happy, angry or sad, you will be able to develop new ways of coping, and dealing with such emotions. You may find that when experiencing one type of emotion (e.g. anger) a family member or friend may be best to assist you with it, where you may feel you need a more objective audience when dealing with something like sadness for instance. The key is to try and understand yourself, and your triggers.

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