Domestic Violence Often Begins During Teen Years
Abusive Relationships Do Not Begin After the Wedding But as Teens
Jan 19, 2009
This is an especially romantic time of year for everyone especially teens and young adults who are dating. For those unfortunate few, abuse in their relationships is only briefly masked during Valentine's Day. Research findings from the Center for Young Women's Health (CYWH) indicates that often, abuse does not begin after the wedding but when couples are teens.
Here are just a few research findings from Liz Claiborne, Inc. as well as CYWH: more than one in four young women experience some level of dating violence; on average, there were 200,000 incidents of boyfriend violence reported for each of the last ten years; battering causes girls more injuries than mugging, car accidents, and stranger rape combined.
When talking about abuse in a dating relationship we are talking about two young people who are dating and at least one of them is getting hurt. While it is possible for anyone to be an abuser or a victim, males are hurt only 5% of the time; that means that, mostly, it is females who are being hurt.
Abusive Behavior Is Not Always Recognized
For some people, it is not obvious when they are being abused. This is because young people are not taught to recognize behaviors that are abusive. People can be hurt in many ways other than physical. Here are some questions you might ask yourself, along with others you can find at the government site for Girls Health, to identify if you are in an abusive relationship.
- Are you afraid of your partner's anger?
- Does s/he become enraged if you disagree or contradict them?
- Do you frequently apologize for their behavior even when they treat you badly?
- Do you have to justify all you do, the places you go, and the people you see to avoid their anger?
- Does s/he hurt your feelings by saying mean things, making fun of you, or ignoring your ideas?
- Do you avoid friends or family because s/he doesn't like them or is jealous?
- Have you been forced to have sex?
- Does s/he make decisions for you like what to wear or how to wear your hair?
- Does s/he try to get you to use alcohol or drugs?
- Does s/he seem to enjoy hurting other people and animals?
Your Relationship Rights
There are ways to escape and recover from abusive relationships. The key is recognizing and believing you deserve better. People who have been in abusive relationships for a while often have trouble believing this. However, there are rights that apply to romantic relationships. They include:
- The right to physical safety at all times.
- The right to express yourself without fear.
- The right to spend time with friends of your own choosing.
- The right to have your needs be as important as your partner's.
- The right to your own goals.
- The right to decide whether or not to have sex.
- The right to break up with someone and not be threatened.
There are a number of places to get help. The National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-7233), The National Sexual Assault Hotline (1-800-656-4673), The Youth Crisis Hotline (1-800-448-4663).
