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Husband Abuse

Men are Victims of Violence Too

May 29, 2007 Karen Stephenson

Silent victims of domestic violence still exist - and many are men. Studies validate that some women are capable of violence against their male partners. There is help.

In thousands of homes across Canada and the United States the family can be a crucible for seething violence. Women are beaten daily and innocent children are victims of brutal assaults. There is another form of violence that exists, has been largely ignored and even laughed at. Men are also victims of domestic violence.

Statistics show that men are sometimes the victim of physical and emotional abuse at the hands of their partners or spouses. Martin Fiebert, Ph.D. investigated physical aggression by women on their male partner. 285 women from 978 women polled, stated they were physically aggressive toward their male partner. He also found that women in their twenties were significantly more likely to be aggressive than women in their thirties and above.

Advocacy

Numerous studies have been conducted that validate some women are physically and emotionally aggressive in relationships. There have been public conferences about this issue and Senator Anne C Cools (of Canada) has been instrumental in helping to get these issues into the public forum.

Men rarely come forward to share their experiences, as they fear it is a loss of their manhood and they fear being labeled “a wimp”. There is now clinical literature (Williams & Myer 92) that states men are reluctant to seek help, as they fear being stigmatized. Seeking help, regardless of gender takes a wealth of strength and courage regardless of whether the victim is male or female.

Women Can Be Violent Too

Many of today’s women know of an uncle, father, brother or cousin who has been the victim of domestic violence. Women have in fact sought services for their loved ones as they can not believe what women can get away with in today’s society. They have found in their search is the attitude that if men are abused, it’s only in self-defense. In the late 1990’s there was a public debate in Toronto, “When She Hurts Him”. During this debate, Judy Rebick (former president of the National Action Committee on the Status of Women of Canada) said that if a man hits his wife it is in self-defense.

Violence against men should be no laughing matter. Yet on television and in the comics violence against men is laughed at. Many of us Seinfeld fans laughed every time Elaine acted surprised and blurted “get out” as she sent Kramer off his feet. No man will ever be seen doing that to a woman in a sitcom and getting away with it.

Public Awareness

Over the past decade there has been a lot of good work accomplished to bring awareness to this social issue. Shelters for men have opened and crisis lines have been set up specifically for men. There are empathetic individuals out there who are willing to listen and to help.

If you know of anyone, regardless of gender who has been abused, please urge them to seek help.

Violence is not a gender issue – it is a human issue.

The copyright of the article Husband Abuse in Abuse is owned by Karen Stephenson. Permission to republish Husband Abuse in print or online must be granted by the author in writing.
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26 Comments

Comments

Oct 30, 2008 5:51 AM
Guest :
give me a break, there is no help for men.My wife of 25 years said I was verball abusive (we both were) and at 55 yrs of age she had me arrested and convicted with the help of her victems advocate friend.Its simply about the money.Every man required to go to DV counseling adds $1600 to their cause.I ve yet to see one women in a class.It s so sad the courts yield to these speciel interest groups which in my case was the destruction of our family, the division between my grown daughters and my new criminal record in Columbus Ohio.Something is really wrong here. Tom
Nov 1, 2008 3:52 PM
Guest :
I would just like to agree, womens advocate groups have turned the courts in Ohio a joke. Jim Dayton Ohio
Nov 1, 2008 4:17 PM
Guest :
This man was arrested and convicted for verbal abuse?His wife did this? He is right,something really is wrong there.I suggest finding a new wife
Nov 5, 2008 9:52 PM
Guest :
I was just searching husband abuse and Googled this article only to find I am not alone.A breath of fresh air in a stagnant court system.Alex Baldwin was right about the juditial systom.Are there any advocate groups for men? WP Detroit Mi
Nov 8, 2008 6:48 AM
Guest :
My brother married a woman from a developing country a few years back and she is the epitome of all that is evil. Not a day goes by that my brother does not get physically and emotionally abused by her. She slaps, scratches and scars him and even causes trouble for him at the workplace. Yet my brother is ashamed of the stigma that comes with being an abused husband. None of us can help him as he refuses to make a report about her. I wish that gender equality really existed. Women should not be able to do to Men what Men cannot do to Women! Both genders should be equal.
Nov 15, 2008 4:44 AM
Guest :
My son is emotionally abused and threatened with losing his two children if he does not 'submit' to the whims and demands of an emotionally disturbed wife--this began gradually and has escalated to crisis stage--what recourse does he have as he believes she will make good on her threat and the courts will heavily believe her over him--there is no physical violence at least not yet--just emotional sabotage--he is trapped-
Nov 26, 2008 5:12 PM
Guest :
I have been abused physically and mentally for over 7 years I can not go any where or see anyone with out her. She comes too my work and makes sure that i am there at all times. She searches my phone my emails and opens all mail. She will push me until I break down and if I yell or touch her then she threatens me with jail and here in Texas she will win. I have talked to a professional about this and I am the one she says will be held accountable and I could have to leave my own home and possibly go to jail. She scares me with the threats shes started problems at another job I had until they had to let me go. She accuses me of being the abuser and makes me feel like I am a bad person, but I support her children and give us what ever I can and still it isn't enough for her. She will spend and spend until there is nothing left and then tell me what a bad provider I am. I'm very much in love with this woman and I don't want to lose her but this is more than any one person can handle. Her friends and family as well as mine have all said I need to just leave her but for some reason I just cant force myself to leave.
Dec 8, 2008 7:23 AM
Guest :
I am doing a project in school, Campaign for a Cause, and I am looking for personal stories or statistics of battered husbands/male partners. If you would like to help me or to give input, please email me at eliza_b13@yahoo.com

thank you
Dec 8, 2008 10:53 AM
Guest :
Women Can Be Emotionally Abusive also.I work in Law Enforcement and my wife treats me like a criminal or a prisoner.She is the nicest girl you will ever meet and treats everyone so kind thats why I married her.The problem is,that if I disagree with her I recieve 2-3 days of insults ,humiliation and threats to take my children away or threats to call 911 on me and basically making me homeliss without my children whom I love more than life.She has little by little,stripped away my self.I do not know what to do , if I stand up for myself I end up without my children in a rooming hose broke possibly Unemployable.
Dec 8, 2008 10:57 AM
Guest :
Women Can Be Emotionally Abusive also.I work in Law Enforcement and my wife treats me like a criminal or a prisoner.She is the nicest girl you will ever meet and treats everyone so kind thats why I married her.The problem is,that if I disagree with her I recieve 2-3 days of insults ,humiliation and threats to take my children away or threats to call 911 on me and basically making me homeliss without my children whom I love more than life.She has little by little,stripped away my self.I do not know what to do , if I stand up for myself I end up without my children in a rooming hose broke possibly Unemployable.
Dec 8, 2008 6:43 PM
Guest :
I recently took a beating and didn't lift a finger. The police came. She was faced with a felony charge for it. I didn't press charges. How times have changed. About 10 years ago a man I know took a beating without touching his wife and she called the police and he was arrested - then taken to the hospital instead. Pictures were taken of him. He has custody of the children now. There are honorable men left out here who will not hit back. There is nothing wrong with admitting you are a victim of spouse abuse if you are a man.
Dec 14, 2008 1:43 PM
Guest :
i was tasered by my wife twice and took to jail after being bated in to going in the house by using the kids talking bout my kids been asking about me all day and wanted to see me when i go in the house she dont even let me see them so i turn to leave she hits me in my back with a taser good thing i had on a thick jacket to make a long story short i tried taking the taser away from her and went to jail for battery cold cold world i never hit her and still didnt other than holding her to stop her from tasering me i hate men that beat women
Jan 3, 2009 1:03 PM
Guest :
Take a look back as see how 'cult feminists' have manipulated the greater picture of 'abuse' to finger men in general....the work of the devil in a nation ruled by 'the devil'...

They, cult feminists have corrupted logic, statistics and terminology to divide the sexes, and promote a somewhat 'lesbian' philosophy, the exclusion of men....making victims of families, husbands, fathers, mothers, wives and children...

You will note that social scientiests of the last 30 years were deceived about this movement that has used legitimate problems to divide the sexes...corrupting Children's Aid, Women's Studies and teh Universities to further promote their divisive anti family agenda...

The issue is abuse, and there are many, many types including passive abuse, and more....(Dr. Bernes, Games People Play}.

Anyway the end result in NOrth America, besides the 'silent holocuast' the millions of children killed through a variety of half-truths, has been a soaring divorce rate, and finally crowned with the corruption in the definition of 'marriage'.

The key to this decpetion is the deceptive world of 'half-truths', truths that lie because they are part of a greater truth. (Ref. T. Squitti)

Caesar J. B. Squitti
THE JESUS CHRIST CODE.

Jan 27, 2009 5:59 AM
Guest :
I read your comments and I know your anxieties - I was a battered husband for 7 years.
BUT... hang in there guys, we're working on it and we're getting there. I presently am involved with an organization that is working with a number of legislators to change the laws that hold us at the mercy of a womans whimsies and the system that panders to them... and we're starting to see some real results of our efforts.
The first step is knowledge, educate yourself in the truth. Dr Fieberts excellent bibliography is but the tip of the iceberg. Familiarize yourself with the names Dean Tong, Sanford Braver, Donald Dutton, Linda Kelly, Murray Straus, Warren Farrell, Glenn Sacks, Ned Holstein... then look them up on the web.
Then learn the data from the US CDC, US NIJ, US DoH&HS/ACF, US DoJ/BJS, etc. The data is out to debunk the 'Myth of the Male Beast' and I have compiled a bit of it to a file I have available here for any whom would ask it.
I am available via email at hotmail... this tag.
GunnerRetired
Feb 5, 2009 9:23 PM
Guest :
Advice for all you abused men. Just pack your stuff and move out. Get a divorce. If you can't maintain a civil relationship with this women then treat her like a leper. Yeah it will cost money but hey you picked her. If you're worried about the kids ask yourself how healthy it is for them to see their father get stepped on on a regular basis. It's better if you remove yourself from the situation. Stand up for yourself. Unless your a loser you'll get visitation. Life will go on.
Mar 18, 2009 8:44 AM
Guest :
I had never really thought about men being victims until recently. My 26 year old son has a very explosive girlfriend. Just this past Sunday they were in a vehicle and he was driving when she exploded and started kicking him in the head and face. When they got home she pulled a knife on him. He says he tries to prevent her from hurting him and from hurting herself, but does not hit her. She also cuts herself on her thighs. After an explosion she always says that she was out of her medication. She is on meds for depressiona and anxiety. He is embarassed and doesn't know what to do. He needs help!
Mar 19, 2009 4:21 PM
Guest :
my mother abused ME in my childhood, in fact still does.. AND she abused my daddy to the point he went out of state for work assignments but little did he realize when he left, he got away, but she was on me then about EVERYTHING that upset her life. My mom is an alcoholic, her dad died of it.. MY dad is not a drinker of booze... in his 20's & 30's yes he partied with the guys, but in 40 years since he is booze free, he got so ill at home with Parkinson's AND glaucoma, she got intense, & it was noticeable.. he chronically told ME she was abusing him, until I told her IF she couldn't handle taking care of him proper, she needed to tell their doctor...
that suggestion put dad in the nursing home to her choice, where there is 2 aides who treat dad horribly..mother knows it & she raves them on.. getting upset with ME because I get hostile about it...
my brother AND sister are either ignoring her, or they don't remember her ugliness in our childhood..but they tell ME I'm the cause of moms abuse towards myself... that I caused her to hate me, lash out at me, verbally & emotionally abuse me, just like she did to my dad.. & just like she still allows the aides to do so.
I hate to see my dad living his life around 2 aides who mistreat him.. & my mother who supports it..

YES woman can be the abuser......Karen in Onawa, Iowa
Jul 21, 2009 10:37 AM
Guest :
I have been with my wife for twenty years. At first, I thought it was just a bad temper. Over the last several years, it has gotten worse to throwing objects at me, slamming doors to almost break the frame, and having hit me in the face almost recently blinding one eye with a scratch on the eyeball. She has gone thru two bouts of breast cancer. She relates to all our friends a loving Christian woman, yet behind closed doors, she is a nasty mouthed bitch, who I have grown to love less each day, to now almost pure hate for her. God grant me the time and patience to get out of this marriage at age 67 with at least half the estate I have worked so hard to gather for us.
A First generation Italian from Texas.
Jul 26, 2009 3:48 PM
Guest :
I know a 72year old man that is abused by his wife for sometime she is 68 she tills him how much she hates him and wants him to leave,but he cant as he is native creek indian,and she is white,and there home was build by indian houseing and he has to stay in the dam home for 5 years.he wants out of the marriage but were does he start?can you ans that question? Lucy.
Oct 21, 2009 9:33 PM
Guest :
WELL LET ME SAY SOMETHING ON THIS ISSUE ,ABUSE ON MEN IS GROWING ,THEY DONT TALK ABOUT IT ,ITS HARD FOR WOMEN TO SPEAK ABOUT IT ,MEN HIDE IT TOO AND MORE THAN WOMEN ,I KNOW OF A MAN THAT HAS BEEN RUN OVER BY HIS WIFE INN HER CAR AND IT BROKE HIS BACK,YES HE GOT AWAY FORM HER AND A PROTECTION ORDER ,BUT WENT RIGHT BACK TO HER IN A MONTH ,BECAUSE HE FELT BAD FOR HER BECAUSE SHE WENT TO JAIL FOR A MONTH,THEN 6 MONTHS LATER SHE PUSHED HIM DOWN A FLIGHT OF STAIRS AND BROKE THE BACK AGAIN AND HAD TO BE LIFE FLIGHTED TO A MAJOR HOSPITAL FOR A DELICATES SURGERY ,HE STILL COULDNT WALK FOR 7 MONTHS .HE WAS IN A NURSING HOME AND HAD TO BE REHABILATED ,SO YES IT HAPPENS ,,,
Nov 26, 2009 8:17 PM
Guest :
Hi everybody.. i read some comments. i am woman.. sometimes i lost my temper.. i can be horrible.. i lost a man just to jump of him. then i am with an other lovely guy.. yes I am scare taht he is gonna cheat on me, he is 24 and i am 31... i has checked twice his mobile.. but i m thinking now, that i have to be strong and trusting him.. its just i love him, and i am scare to be beatted on day from him !!, so that why i am a bit violente, (pushing, or grap him)..
i want to show that he will Never dominate me..its true, i am sexiste, feministe.. i used hate men.. but ia m changing.. i want ti keep him next to me.. if a woman doesn't realise.. she has problems to resovt ASAP.. I realise a day what s going on on me... i don t want to argu, and get power.. we love each other.. If he is with me, its become he shoose me. so i have to trust him.. tahnk you guys and good luck for all of you.. good night
Dec 28, 2009 1:42 PM
Guest :
I'm sitting here with a black eye. Result of a 5'4 125 lb spouse. I would never physically or verbally abuse my wife. But three weeks ago I had a container of batter thrown at me, full force, barely missed my head, splattered on the window. I cleaned it up. Today, we argued about nothing too serious and I was punched in the eye. It's swollen, black/purple and I feel like a complete idiot. I never, ever have been physical with her, nor have I ever been verbally abusive, I don't deserve this, I still love her but don't know what to do. She blames me for everything that's wrong with our relationship. She wants me to go to anger management classes??? I don't get it. Where do men go to deal with these things?
Jan 14, 2010 10:58 AM
Guest :
I also live in Columbus Ohio. The first comment is so true. I was told the divorce rate here is the second highest in the U.S. . .And there are more attorneys here than anywhere in the U.S.....Hmmmmm?
Jan 15, 2010 1:29 PM
Guest :
I just came out of a 13 year abusive relationship this past November. Believe me, it happens. I was hit in the head and punched not only by my spouse but her MOTHER. I was called the A word, as well as an idiot and a moron DAILY for years. We have 4 children together, ages 12 to 1. I was physically kicked out of the house two days prior to Thanksgiving and spent two days sleeping in my car in an outdoor shopping mall parking lot. It has been about three months, and I'm in a much better, happier situation now. I'm actually feeling positive about my life for the first time since 2002 when things started going downhill. I advise ANY man out there who may be going thru the same thing to seek help from SOMEONE, whether it be a trusted friend, family member, neighbor, clergyman, whatever. Do not go thru this alone. You are worth more than you feel you are. You can be loved again, no
matter how dire the circumstances. Good luck to you.
Jan 25, 2010 5:01 PM
Guest :
I live in Alabama, after a 15 year marriage the mother in law decides that she wll take over my role as a father. I have been waiting for a court date for 5 months now. She is divorcing me because I have anger management problems. I have never touched or threatend her in anger.. I have one 7 yr old son I left because he didnt need to hear the arguments. She has taken all my money and destroyed my credit. So just remember this it can happen to any one
Jan 31, 2010 5:01 PM
Guest :
I am abused by my wife, and right now at this time I had to go away from my house because she abused me and hit me like a crazy person. I just can't take this anymore, tomorrow I am looking for legal rights.
26 Comments

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