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Silent victims of domestic violence still exist - and many are men. Studies validate that some women are capable of violence against their male partners. There is help.
In thousands of homes across Canada and the United States the family can be a crucible for seething violence. Women are beaten daily and innocent children are victims of brutal assaults. There is another form of violence that exists, has been largely ignored and even laughed at. Men are also victims of domestic violence.
Statistics show that men are sometimes the victim of physical and emotional abuse at the hands of their partners or spouses. Martin Fiebert, Ph.D. investigated physical aggression by women on their male partner. 285 women from 978 women polled, stated they were physically aggressive toward their male partner. He also found that women in their twenties were significantly more likely to be aggressive than women in their thirties and above.
Advocacy
Numerous studies have been conducted that validate some women are physically and emotionally aggressive in relationships. There have been public conferences about this issue and Senator Anne C Cools (of Canada) has been instrumental in helping to get these issues into the public forum.
Men rarely come forward to share their experiences, as they fear it is a loss of their manhood and they fear being labeled “a wimp”. There is now clinical literature (Williams & Myer 92) that states men are reluctant to seek help, as they fear being stigmatized. Seeking help, regardless of gender takes a wealth of strength and courage regardless of whether the victim is male or female.
Women Can Be Violent Too
Many of today’s women know of an uncle, father, brother or cousin who has been the victim of domestic violence. Women have in fact sought services for their loved ones as they can not believe what women can get away with in today’s society. They have found in their search is the attitude that if men are abused, it’s only in self-defense. In the late 1990’s there was a public debate in Toronto, “When She Hurts Him”. During this debate, Judy Rebick (former president of the National Action Committee on the Status of Women of Canada) said that if a man hits his wife it is in self-defense.
Violence against men should be no laughing matter. Yet on television and in the comics violence against men is laughed at. Many of us Seinfeld fans laughed every time Elaine acted surprised and blurted “get out” as she sent Kramer off his feet. No man will ever be seen doing that to a woman in a sitcom and getting away with it.
Public Awareness
Over the past decade there has been a lot of good work accomplished to bring awareness to this social issue. Shelters for men have opened and crisis lines have been set up specifically for men. There are empathetic individuals out there who are willing to listen and to help.
If you know of anyone, regardless of gender who has been abused, please urge them to seek help.
Violence is not a gender issue – it is a human issue.
The copyright of the article Husband Abuse in Abuse is owned by Karen Stephenson. Permission to republish Husband Abuse in print or online must be granted by the author in writing.
Comments
Oct 30, 2008 5:51 AM
Guest
:
give me a break, there is no help for men.My wife of 25 years said I was
verball abusive (we both were) and at 55 yrs of age she had me arrested and
convicted with the help of her victems advocate friend.Its simply about the
money.Every man required to go to DV counseling adds $1600 to their
cause.I ve yet to see one women in a class.It s so sad the courts yield to
these speciel interest groups which in my case was the destruction of our
family, the division between my grown daughters and my new criminal record
in Columbus Ohio.Something is really wrong here. Tom
Nov 1, 2008 3:52 PM
Guest
:
I would just like to agree, womens advocate groups have turned the courts
in Ohio a joke. Jim Dayton Ohio
Nov 1, 2008 4:17 PM
Guest
:
This man was arrested and convicted for verbal abuse?His wife did this? He
is right,something really is wrong there.I suggest finding a new wife
Nov 5, 2008 9:52 PM
Guest
:
I was just searching husband abuse and Googled this article only to find I
am not alone.A breath of fresh air in a stagnant court system.Alex Baldwin
was right about the juditial systom.Are there any advocate groups for men?
WP Detroit Mi
Nov 8, 2008 6:48 AM
Guest
:
My brother married a woman from a developing country a few years back and
she is the epitome of all that is evil. Not a day goes by that my brother
does not get physically and emotionally abused by her. She slaps, scratches
and scars him and even causes trouble for him at the workplace. Yet my
brother is ashamed of the stigma that comes with being an abused husband.
None of us can help him as he refuses to make a report about her. I wish
that gender equality really existed. Women should not be able to do to Men
what Men cannot do to Women! Both genders should be equal.
Nov 15, 2008 4:44 AM
Guest
:
My son is emotionally abused and threatened with losing his two children if
he does not 'submit' to the whims and demands of an emotionally disturbed
wife--this began gradually and has escalated to crisis stage--what recourse
does he have as he believes she will make good on her threat and the courts
will heavily believe her over him--there is no physical violence at least
not yet--just emotional sabotage--he is trapped-
Nov 26, 2008 5:12 PM
Guest
:
I have been abused physically and mentally for over 7 years I can not go
any where or see anyone with out her. She comes too my work and makes sure
that i am there at all times. She searches my phone my emails and opens all
mail. She will push me until I break down and if I yell or touch her then
she threatens me with jail and here in Texas she will win. I have talked to
a professional about this and I am the one she says will be held
accountable and I could have to leave my own home and possibly go to jail.
She scares me with the threats shes started problems at another job I had
until they had to let me go. She accuses me of being the abuser and makes
me feel like I am a bad person, but I support her children and give us what
ever I can and still it isn't enough for her. She will spend and spend
until there is nothing left and then tell me what a bad provider I am. I'm
very much in love with this woman and I don't want to lose her but this is
more than any one person can handle. Her friends and family as well as mine
have all said I need to just leave her but for some reason I just cant
force myself to leave.
Dec 8, 2008 7:23 AM
Guest
:
I am doing a project in school, Campaign for a Cause, and I am looking for
personal stories or statistics of battered husbands/male partners. If you
would like to help me or to give input, please email me at
eliza_b13@yahoo.com
thank you
Dec 8, 2008 10:53 AM
Guest
:
Women Can Be Emotionally Abusive also.I work in Law Enforcement and my wife
treats me like a criminal or a prisoner.She is the nicest girl you will
ever meet and treats everyone so kind thats why I married her.The problem
is,that if I disagree with her I recieve 2-3 days of insults ,humiliation
and threats to take my children away or threats to call 911 on me and
basically making me homeliss without my children whom I love more than
life.She has little by little,stripped away my self.I do not know what to
do , if I stand up for myself I end up without my children in a rooming
hose broke possibly Unemployable.
Dec 8, 2008 10:57 AM
Guest
:
Women Can Be Emotionally Abusive also.I work in Law Enforcement and my wife
treats me like a criminal or a prisoner.She is the nicest girl you will
ever meet and treats everyone so kind thats why I married her.The problem
is,that if I disagree with her I recieve 2-3 days of insults ,humiliation
and threats to take my children away or threats to call 911 on me and
basically making me homeliss without my children whom I love more than
life.She has little by little,stripped away my self.I do not know what to
do , if I stand up for myself I end up without my children in a rooming
hose broke possibly Unemployable.
Dec 8, 2008 6:43 PM
Guest
:
I recently took a beating and didn't lift a finger. The police came. She
was faced with a felony charge for it. I didn't press charges. How times
have changed. About 10 years ago a man I know took a beating without
touching his wife and she called the police and he was arrested - then
taken to the hospital instead. Pictures were taken of him. He has custody
of the children now. There are honorable men left out here who will not
hit back. There is nothing wrong with admitting you are a victim of spouse
abuse if you are a man.
Dec 14, 2008 1:43 PM
Guest
:
i was tasered by my wife twice and took to jail after being bated in to
going in the house by using the kids talking bout my kids been asking about
me all day and wanted to see me when i go in the house she dont even let me
see them so i turn to leave she hits me in my back with a taser good thing
i had on a thick jacket to make a long story short i tried taking the taser
away from her and went to jail for battery cold cold world i never hit her
and still didnt other than holding her to stop her from tasering me i hate
men that beat women
Jan 3, 2009 1:03 PM
Guest
:
Take a look back as see how 'cult feminists' have manipulated the greater
picture of 'abuse' to finger men in general....the work of the devil in a
nation ruled by 'the devil'...
They, cult feminists have
corrupted logic, statistics and terminology to divide the sexes, and
promote a somewhat 'lesbian' philosophy, the exclusion of men....making
victims of families, husbands, fathers, mothers, wives and children...
You will note that social scientiests of the last 30 years were
deceived about this movement that has used legitimate problems to divide
the sexes...corrupting Children's Aid, Women's Studies and teh Universities
to further promote their divisive anti family agenda...
The
issue is abuse, and there are many, many types including passive abuse, and
more....(Dr. Bernes, Games People Play}.
Anyway the end result
in NOrth America, besides the 'silent holocuast' the millions of children
killed through a variety of half-truths, has been a soaring divorce rate,
and finally crowned with the corruption in the definition of 'marriage'.
The key to this decpetion is the deceptive world of 'half-truths',
truths that lie because they are part of a greater truth. (Ref. T.
Squitti)
Caesar J. B. Squitti
THE JESUS CHRIST CODE.
Jan 27, 2009 5:59 AM
Guest
:
I read your comments and I know your anxieties - I was a battered husband
for 7 years.
BUT... hang in there guys, we're working on it and we're
getting there. I presently am involved with an organization that is working
with a number of legislators to change the laws that hold us at the mercy
of a womans whimsies and the system that panders to them... and we're
starting to see some real results of our efforts.
The first step is
knowledge, educate yourself in the truth. Dr Fieberts excellent
bibliography is but the tip of the iceberg. Familiarize yourself with the
names Dean Tong, Sanford Braver, Donald Dutton, Linda Kelly, Murray Straus,
Warren Farrell, Glenn Sacks, Ned Holstein... then look them up on the
web.
Then learn the data from the US CDC, US NIJ, US DoH&HS/ACF,
US DoJ/BJS, etc. The data is out to debunk the 'Myth of the Male Beast' and
I have compiled a bit of it to a file I have available here for any whom
would ask it.
I am available via email at hotmail... this tag.
GunnerRetired
Feb 5, 2009 9:23 PM
Guest
:
Advice for all you abused men. Just pack your stuff and move out. Get a
divorce. If you can't maintain a civil relationship with this women then
treat her like a leper. Yeah it will cost money but hey you picked her.
If you're worried about the kids ask yourself how healthy it is for them to
see their father get stepped on on a regular basis. It's better if you
remove yourself from the situation. Stand up for yourself. Unless your a
loser you'll get visitation. Life will go on.
Mar 18, 2009 8:44 AM
Guest
:
I had never really thought about men being victims until recently. My 26
year old son has a very explosive girlfriend. Just this past Sunday they
were in a vehicle and he was driving when she exploded and started kicking
him in the head and face. When they got home she pulled a knife on him.
He says he tries to prevent her from hurting him and from hurting herself,
but does not hit her. She also cuts herself on her thighs. After an
explosion she always says that she was out of her medication. She is on
meds for depressiona and anxiety. He is embarassed and doesn't know what
to do. He needs help!
Mar 19, 2009 4:21 PM
Guest
:
my mother abused ME in my childhood, in fact still does.. AND she abused my
daddy to the point he went out of state for work assignments but little did
he realize when he left, he got away, but she was on me then about
EVERYTHING that upset her life. My mom is an alcoholic, her dad died of
it.. MY dad is not a drinker of booze... in his 20's & 30's yes he
partied with the guys, but in 40 years since he is booze free, he got so
ill at home with Parkinson's AND glaucoma, she got intense, & it was
noticeable.. he chronically told ME she was abusing him, until I told
her IF she couldn't handle taking care of him proper, she needed to tell
their doctor...
that suggestion put dad in the nursing home to her
choice, where there is 2 aides who treat dad horribly..mother knows it
& she raves them on.. getting upset with ME because I get hostile about
it...
my brother AND sister are either ignoring her, or they don't
remember her ugliness in our childhood..but they tell ME I'm the cause of
moms abuse towards myself... that I caused her to hate me, lash out at me,
verbally & emotionally abuse me, just like she did to my dad.. &
just like she still allows the aides to do so.
I hate to see my
dad living his life around 2 aides who mistreat him.. & my mother who
supports it..
YES woman can be the abuser......Karen in Onawa,
Iowa
17 Comments
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