Domestic violence comes in a range of disguises. As the term suggests it is violence in your home. Violence is anything that is not of a friendly nature, or coming from love and acceptance. It is a state that brings fear or anxiety by the abuser’s presence or perceived presence. Domestic violence keeps the woman feeling captured and prevents her from expressing herself with freedom, which is every person’s right in a free world. It is a situation where there is power and control.
Forms of Power and Control
There are different ways that men can use their power to make women feel violated in some way or another. Some actions are so subtle that she only knows through her gut feeling that she is being subjected to a form of abuse. Some of the ways men use their power to control and abuse women are:
Using Intimidation
- Looks, actions or gestures that make the woman feel afraid.
- Smashing things
- Destroying her property
- Abusing pets
- Displaying weapons
Using Emotional Abuse
- Putting the woman down
- Making the woman feel bad about herself
- Calling her names
- Making her think that she is crazy
- Playing mind games
- ·Humiliating her
- ·Making her feel guilty
Using Isolation
- Controlling what she does and she sees and talks to
- What she reads
- Where she goes
- Limiting her outside involvement
Using Mjnimising, Denial and Blame
- Making light of the abuse and not taking her concerns about it seriously
- Saying the abuse didn't happen
- Shifting responsibility for abusive behaviour
- Saying she caused it
Using Children
- Making her feel guilty about the children
- Using the children to relay messages
- Using visitation to harass her
- Threatening to take the children away
Using Male Privilege
- Treating her like a servant
- Making all the big decisions
- Acting like the “master of the castle”
- Being the one to define men’s and women’s roles.
Using Economic Abuse
- Preventing her from getting or keeping a job
- Making her ask for money
- Giving her an allowance
- Taking her money
- Not letting her know or have access to family income
Using Coercion and Threats
- Making and/or carrying out threats to do something to hurt her
- Threatening to leave her
- Threatening to commit suicide
- Threatening to report her to welfare
- Making her drop charges
- Making her do illegal things
(Extract from The Domestic Abuse Intervention Project)
Why Women Stay in an Abusive Relationship
Many women stay in an abusive relationship for a variety of reasons:
- She still loves and cares for him
- She hopes things will change
- She has nowhere to go
- She is dependent on him for finances
- She may be too exhausted to be able to make decisions
- Staying for the sake of the children and not wanting to disrupt their lives
- Her self esteem is too low from the result of the abuse to think that she has a right to live a happy life
There are support groups in most countries around the world who are specifically trained to help women who are living with any form of domestic violence.
Reference UK Women's Aid.
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