Many women need to leave their homes in fear of their perpetrator. Life can be more fearful away from the home than in it. There is fear of him finding her and pulling her back into the home, and feeling the loneliness of separation plus a lack of confidence within herself, and there could be ethnicity or disability factors; finding support in this period of time is very important.
Even though the external abuse has stopped, the abuse has made its effects internally. The shock and trauma could create panic attacks, phobias; it could lead into alcohol dependence, eating disorder or depression.
Low Self Esteem
One of the most problematic consequences is low self-esteem. Abusive relationships rely on the top dog /under dog dichotomy (Gestalt), which undermines the self-esteem of the under dog and gives a false sense of power to the top dog. The victim of abuse has a tough job in finding her worthiness. Living as a victim, you take on the thoughts that enable you to remain and believe that you are an unworthy person and that you deserve what you are getting, even though this is not the truth.
Ways to Raise Self Esteem
- Check in with yourself on regular intervals during the day, and ask yourself, ‘How do I feel?’ Allow an answer to come or not, but give some time to this exercise.
- Look into the mirror every morning and remind yourself that you love who you are.
- Do something nice for yourself every day, e.g. relax in a warm scented bath, sit down and listen to your favourite music.
- Keep a journal and write what your achievement has been for that day, even if it as little as getting out of bed, or as big as climbing the highest mountain.
- Create some positive statements about yourself and repeat them out loud to yourself on a daily basis.
- Remind yourself of five things that you are grateful for on a daily basis.
Finding Support
Support can help clarify what is a truth or fantasy, and can help you feel stronger to make decisions.
There are different types of support.
- Emotional support: - seeking out a qualified counselllor or therapist/ where you can share your thoughts and not be judged and who will support you to be with your feelings.
- Informative Support: -getting information about domestic violence and learning about the cycles of abuse
- Practical Support: - re-housing, finances, legal advice, child minding while you attend your appointments.
Related Articles - Living With Domestic Violence, Rosalind Brenner
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