Signs of an Abusive Relationship
A guide for gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people
How can you tell if a gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender (LGBT) relationship is abusive? Read this checklist to find out.
What are some warning signs that you or a friend may be in an abusive LGBT relationship?
Some of the signs of an abusive relationship are the same for gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) people as they are for heterosexual people. Others are different and can be subtle. Physical violence is easy to recognize - punching, hitting, kicking, biting, or injuring with weapons are all clear-cut forms of physical abuse. But emotional, sexual, and financial abuse can fall below the radar. While the signs of abuse vary in each relationship, there are some important commonalities.
Signs of an Abusive Relationship
Are any of these things happening to you or a friend? Even one of these behaviors can signify relationship abuse.
- Calling you offensive or derogatory names (words like b*tch, wh*re and sl*t, racial epithets, homophobic or transphobic language,insults to intelligence, etc.)
- Humiliating you in front of other people
- Threatens you with physical violence, abandonment, or harm to others you love
- Threatens to harm himself or herself if you leave the relationship or don't comply with his or her wishes
- Expresses excessive jealousy about your friends and family
- Isolates you from friends, family, or your local LGBT community
- Tries to control what you wear, eat, say, spend time with, spend money on, etc.
- Blames you for their actions
- Threatens to 'out' you as a lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender person
- Threatens to infect you with an illness, like a sexually transmitted infection
- Withholds medication or threatens to withhold medication
- Hurts you physically in any way
- Pressures you into having any sexual contact you do not want
- Becomes violent or controlling when she or he is under the influence of drugs or alcohol
- Is violent towards other people or animals
- Steals money from you, or does not allow you access to your own money
- Attempts to forbid you from working or making money
About one in four LGBT relationships are abusive in some way, about the same as heterosexual relationships. This article gives some facts about LGBT relationship abuse. One key to prevention is understanding abuse and stopping it before it starts or escalates. Knowing the signs of relationship abuse can empower you or a friend to seek help before a controlling relationship turns threatening.
There is always a way out of abusive relationships. This article gives some guidance about helping a friend out of an abusive relationship. Never be afraid to ask for help. There are local and national organizations that can give advice, support, and guidance to anyone experiencing relationship abuse.
