Teen Relationship Abuse
Making Healthy Choices in Gay, Lesbian and Bisexual Relationships
Feb 6, 2008
What sorts of relationships can turn violent? Are gay, lesbian, and bisexual young people at more or less of a risk for relationship abuse than heterosexual teenagers? What can you do if you’re in an abusive relationship?
Unfortunately, abusive relationships are just as common in same-sex teenage relationships as they are in heterosexual (opposite-sex) ones. Nearly one in ten young people experience some sort of relationship abuse. Dating violence is serious, and can lead to a life-long pattern of domestic abuse for both the perpetrator and the victim. But there’s a way out, and plenty of people who are ready to help.
What is relationship abuse?
Relationship abuse is any sort of threatening or intimidating behaviour in partner relationships. Relationship abuse can happen when you’ve been with someone for a few days, weeks, or years – there’s no time scale for relationship abuse. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
Slapping, hitting, punching, and kicking are all forms of physical abuse. It’s what people commonly think about when someone mentions relationship violence.
Emotional abuse can be harder to recognize than physical abuse, but it’s just as harmful. Name-calling, threats, humiliation, bullying, excessive jealousy, and controlling behaviour are forms of emotional abuse that can leave long-lasting invisible scars. Gay, lesbian, and bisexual teens may also face threats to be ‘outed’ by their abusive partner.
Sexual abuse can happen to anyone, no matter what kind of relationship you’re in. Any sexual touching you don’t fully consent to is sexual abuse. Unwanted kisses, pressure to have sex, sexual bullying, threats to infect you with a sexually transmitted infection, or refusal to use protection are all forms of sexual abuse.
You can view this checklist of signs for a more complete list of ways to recognize abusive relationships that you or a friend might be in.
Abuse is never brought on by the actions or words of the victim. Relationship abuse is about power and control, and is a choice that the perpetrator makes.
Gay, Lesbian, and Bisexual Teen Relationship Abuse
Being a lesbian, gay or bisexual (LGB) teenager can be difficult. There aren’t many positive models of relationships in the media, so LGB teens can end up in abusive relationships without being aware they are being abused. LGB teens can be more reluctant to seek help about abusive relationships from parents, teachers, counsellors, or even friends because they fear homophobic harassment or misunderstanding. They may not be out as lesbian, gay, or bisexual to friends or family, and refuse to speak about their abusive relationship because they are not ready to 'out' themselves. Lesbian, gay, and bisexual teens may be more hesitant to leave an abusive relationship because their abusive partner may be their only contact with the gay and lesbian community.
LGB youth groups can provide young lesbian, gay, and bisexual people with advice about forming healthy, respectful relationships and can give teens support if they are experiencing abuse. Friends can also be a great resource. This article describes some ways to help a friend out of an abusive relationship.
Prevention is the best medicine for gay, lesbian, and bisexual teen relationship abuse. Awareness about the signs of relationship abuse in teens can ensure that lesbian, gay, and bisexual teens recognize relationship abuse and find help to leave the relationship before the abuse escalates.
