Abuse

» on2recovery - Dealing with Repressed Memories

I am a 30yr old Woman with a wonderful family but have been fighting with Repressed Memories from my past that continues to have effects on my future.
I was sexually abused by my Uncle and later by my younger brother who was also abused.
I have kept this a secret for a very long time and only telling bits of my stories to someone that I have "truely" trusted. (I say Truely because there were people who would like to use this knowledge to benefit them then to help me so I learned to be careful) I finally told my husband of 2 years the full story of my life.
He now understands all my little clicks that he found very interesting about me before.
I will give you some examples- My bed had to be made before my day could even be started.
I hold in my anger until I say my goodbyes & leave for good (this has been in all my past relationships) or I explode with anger that it even scares me once it's over.
Last but not least I have nights that I cannot be close to or have my husband touch me which has led him to believe that he may have done something wrong.
Relationships were always hard for me because I would always get bored with the relationship or felt like something was missing in my life.
I had a hard time with love and did not really understand it & usually kept that distance even when I didnt want to.
I met my husband and my world was full of happiness and joy. I knew that this was what I have been waiting for so I stopped everything and would pray to the lord about giving me the patience and open mind to love this man like we both deserved.
I have not told my mother but recently told my father what has happened.
I kept this a secret because 2 of my sisters told our mother and did not get the protection that they needed so I didnt think that I would be any different.
I have also had a failed marriage about 8 years ago and I am ready to put a end to those terrible memories of my past.
I am living in the present but I am also aware that I have Repressed Memories and I need to have closure for me and my new family.
I have a 9 month old and I want to be the parent that I never had.
I want to teach him that he can be whatever he wants to be and that he can come to me or his father for the support that he needs.
I want him to be strong and full of knowledge of of our lord, love, life, family & friends.
I really hope that my story helps someone else to understand that for change in your life you have to take control of it yourself and know that others are there to help you when needed.
please feel free to share your stories with me and I hope we all can help or inspire one another to change our lives.
Remember to stay strong, be truthful to yourself at all times, and most important learn to love yourself.

-- posted by on2recovery

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» jfarris - Dealing with Repressed Memories

In response to Dealing with Repressed Memories posted by on2recovery:

Your advice and words are true and compassionate. We do need to love ourselves and stay strong. Sometimes this is the hardest part when everyone else in your life needs you to stop bringing it up and "get over it". Thanks for the kind words.

-- posted by jfarris

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