Abuse

» jfarris - Doesn’t matter rather a Stalker, Obsessed Fan, Insane/Sick

In response to Doesn’t matter rather a Stalker, Obsessed Fan, Insane/Sick posted by lafemmenikita07:

You are totally correct in saying do not contront the stalker. I had a problem, still do in fact for over 2 years. Stalkers are patient, you have to remember that they are not in their right minds. They spend their time obsessing about you and they have the ablity to talk themselves into some incredible ideas. Seek the law officals out in your town. Report everything and keep a journal with times and dates of incidents no matter how small. It all adds up.

-- posted by jfarris

» jfarris - i am in a verbally abusive marriage.

In response to i am in a verbally abusive marriage. posted by settler:

Hi Settler,
I am happy to see that your wife has decided that it is time however I want to caustion you about trust. When my former partner and I parted she did the same thing, she was very abusive and because she was smaller than I was she got the compassion of the police department for a while. She decided to "end" it too and told me we could still be friends and while I got comfortable she took me for everything I owned. She cleaned out accounts, took my stuff to a storage a little at a time,by the time she left my entire life went with her in all my possessions. I know you want to believe that it is all ok now but keep your guard up.

-- posted by jfarris

» n0vyf - I think I am going crazy.

I have been married to my wife for 13 years. She always had an explosive temper, but in the last couple of years or so she became abusive towards me mostly, then when I would ask her to talk to me when she cooled down, she would say "there is nothing to talk about" or "it is my problem and I will deal with it". I tried to tell her it was not just her problem, but our problem. I offered to go to councling with her, but got the "its my problem and I will deal with it" lecture. On 1July06 I left and moved 500 miles away. I have the support of someone special to me now, but somehow I feel the urge to go back. Logic says stay put, that if I go back, it will start up again after a while. Why do I have the feeling to leave something that, if I would have found it 15 years ago, I would have been the happiest man on earth to go back to hell again??

-- posted by n0vyf

» jfarris - I think I am going crazy.

In response to I think I am going crazy. posted by n0vyf:

What you are feeling is not unsual, it is a simple sense of responsiblity. Men and women both feel it after leaving an abusive relationship. I know it sounds strange but hear me out...this abusive relationship has been, for the most part, your seceret to keep. You have had to be the one who has kept the balance in your relationship because she was unbalanced. When you spend all of your time taking care of some one else for whatever reason it is hard to stop. It is this very feeling that keeps a lot of people trapped in these types of relationships. Chaos is all you have known and now you feel off because it is not around. BE CAREFUl, a lot of people sabotage their good relationships without realizing it because of this. If the person you are with now is supportive talk to her or him and let them help. This isn't a matter of you still love her, it is a matter of she still needs you to save her and it's pulling on you because you are a good person. So put this feeling where it belongs, a way with the abusive relationship you just left.

-- posted by jfarris

» settler - I think I am going crazy.

I am feeling these same thought as well. We have three kids who will still be on the firing lines even if I have custady and that worries me. Even if I have them I can not always be there to shield them or defuse the situation. Without me she will get worse, I fear. She has surrounded herself with a few people who believe her side of things and listen to her and support her.

Don't give in. Even if she won't do it again, it isn't worth the risk.

-- posted by settler

» settler - i am in a verbally abusive marriage.

I have tried the trusting game so many times that she will not get much of that from me ever again. I did go so fare as to have a seperated e-mail account that she new nothing about. When I did get a little carless a few weeks ago and she found out that it existed she tried to brake into it. It is now completely gone and I have a new one that she can not reach. What little bit of trust I was willing to start giving her is gone and every time I go to that new account it serves as a reminder to not trust her again.

Everything will go through my own lawyer and even when we can agree apone anything I will have it in writing and as many loop holes plugged that I can find. I'm not giving trust any more.

I believe in trusting someone to a level, until you get to know them, and I generally trust them quicker than most people are willing to trust someone. Once someone breaks that I will give them many chances, but she has done enough that several friends, including several of hers, have said that they would have devorced her long ago.

She has said many times over the last year that "she is behaving better and not like that anymore". After awhile I realized that, no last week you proved that you were still of the same mind. Maybe at another time it had been two months, but after all the years two months isn't time for me to forgive, forget and trust completely again. Well the last time was last week! That has happened to many times. I think she has finally stoped using that fraze on me.

No I won't trust!

Settler

-- posted by settler

» jfarris - i am in a verbally abusive marriage.

In response to i am in a verbally abusive marriage. posted by settler:

Don't look at it as not trusting her but as a lesson learned. I believe that every experience we have in this life carrys with it a lesson and our job is to see what that lesson is and learn from it. Look at it this way and you are less likely to not trust anyone else as well and less likely to teach not trusting to your children. It is a lesson learned and you can be very proud of yourself for learning it.

-- posted by jfarris

» lafemmenikita07 - Doesn’t matter rather a Stalker, Obsessed Fan, Insane/Sick

In response to Doesn’t matter rather a Stalker, Obsessed Fan, Insane/Sick posted by jfarris:
Wow, I had no idea that my original post would lead to such a thread. I thank you for your post. I type this while tears are coming from my eyes. They are not tears of sorrow and/or pity. They are tears of joy for I know I am not alone and most of all I came "out of the closet" and told my story.

-- posted by lafemmenikita07

» lukydck - Abusive Marriage

I have been married for almost 2 years now, and my husband has become very much mentally, verbally, and somewhat physical. Every time I spend (in his mind) to much money, he takes our checkbook away from me, and cuts up my Debit Card. I have had 4 Debit Cards already this year. We have a joint checking account, and I work to, but I'm not supposed to spend a dime without his approval first. He has broken lamps, plants, sentimental things in our home. He tells me I am a burden on him, He has told me he wishes I'd die, I mean nothing to him, and He can't love someone who spends all of HIS MONEY. He has slapped me pushed me, and even punched me in the chest. After the fact he denies he even touched me. The worst part of all of this is he is a Sargeant at the County Sheriffs Department in the county we live in. He arrests people every day for doing the same things he does. He tells me I'm the one who needs help because I'm the Crazy one. What is wrong with him? Should I report all of this to his superiors?

-- posted by lukydck

» sherfif64 - Abusive Marriage

In response to Abusive Marriage posted by lukydck:

Hi,Iam writing you from Turkey sitting in my beautiful office, in a beautiful house my husband built.....with my money, who is riding around where and with whom, up to what, who knows? What time he will appear with some ridiculous excuse has become a daily occurance.

I came from England, with my cargo, as you said sentimental objects, I'd had for years....vile temper tantrums, smashing let me see....mobiles, t.v.contols, chairs, a table, photographes smashed and ripped in pieces, big performances if I ever go out,or I should be grateful if I ride in the car that my hard-earned cash brought.

Control, nasty vile freak thats what I'd call my so called husband and you sound as if you found the same.

But, always remember and never forget for one second of you life, while your with him, this is a 'little' person, a 'sad'person-don't feel sorry for him, because the 'truth' will float to the top and these bullies know no boundaries and sure as bunnies are bunnies, they will foul themselves up. Don't think that people have not noticed in your husband's work place, the good people have, cos he may be clever at covering, but your and my abuser have nasty tempers and its gets the better of them at times.

Today, my husband was vile, sreaming all sorts of rubbish about what a bad person I am, lah lah lah.

Back in London I was a school teacher, I have taught many kids who have exactly my husband's mode of behaviour and if its not addressed while young these boys grow into men who haven't a chance.

Be brave, I think his a burden on YOU and I expect you sometimes wish he would go out the front-door for the last time, but you don't say it.

What the bully hates most is success, so tonightI'm cleaning my house, tomorrow I start a regime of taking my Staffy Bull Terrier, Alex, oh poor doggie can't do anything right either, and every morning before the nasty beasty wakes from his sleep(watches TV full volume till 4.am every morning,if in, that is, me and Alex are walking along the coastal path looking at the beautiful sea and mountains. Then I am writing some letters to people about my arts/activity holidays I plan to offer next year...oh yes without my husband.

I am now in contact with the British Consulate lawyer, we are having my husband trailed, as his whereabouts are vital for my peace of mind and to start building what will be a nasty divorce case, but act like a vile person, and somebody is going to 'kick arse'

What are you doing tomorrow to fight the beast, something for yourself, it does not have to cost money and what if it does...you deserve it.

Reply if you want, but you are the winner not him because if roles were reversed, he'd wilt.

Sleep well.

-- posted by sherfif64