Abuse

» meri1028 - Not Sure

In response to Not Sure posted by KeepSmiling:

I just found this website as I sit at work. I am in the midst of trying to decide whether to leave my fiance. I found your post & it sparked something inside me. I am 26 yrs old. We have dated since we were 17. We moved in together a year and 5 mths ago. We bought a house a year ago, which he made it clear that it was going to be in his name & he would make the payments, but somehow we both ended up making the payments. We have had problems in the past. He has been unfaithful & I am ahamed to admit abusive. You must understand this man is a loving caring man, but he has a temper that gets to the point where he can not control it. He is not a hateful man. But he can be a bully & cruel when he is mad. I have tried to get him to go to counseling for himself & couples therapy - but he won't. He thinks if he can't solve his problems why would a perfect stranger be able to. We had set our date for September 16 of this year. I should get to the point of why I am writing to you. Your article scared me. I look at myself & I think what is it going to take. But I always say I can change him. If I don't give up on him & us, he will see & want to make it work as much as I do. Last night I believe was a turning point for me. I did something silly & he called what I did stupid under his breath. I said I heard him but he said he didn't care. We sat down to dinner & he wouldnt hold my hand to pray. I got mad & he said I had a nasty attitude. He knocked over his plate all over the table, I got mad & knocked it off the table after he walked away. He came back & asked if I had knocked it on the floor & I told him yes. He then knocked my plate of hot food all over me. I would like to think it was not on purpose, but I know it was. He left the house & came back to tell me that the wedding was cancelled & we couldn't get married ever. I think maybe I over reacted to his remark, but his reaction was uncalled for. He has never done anything like that. He has put his hands on me but never actually hit me. I have had bruises, but I fight back too. I love him and I know I don't deserve this, but I just keep hoping maybe he will see what he has done. When he does see it, he apologizes, then does the "but if you hadn't..., I would have never hurt you". I know it's wrong, I tell myself it's wrong & I deserve better, but for some reason, I can't bring myself to give up on our relationship. I share all of this with you to get your oppinion. Things can be great for months at a time, but somehow we always end up here. I am heartbroken over the wedding, and I try to think maybe this is a good thing, but we still live together. We have been each other's best friends for 9 years. I know what I should do, I know I should leave, but after all he's done to me, something still holds me back and I don't know if it's my love for him or what. It was good to find this site & see other people's stories. Thank you.

-- posted by meri1028