Abuse

» sweetgrass - P.

In response to P. posted by brokenwings:

Dear Brokenwings,
I broke up with the man I am seeing today. I am hoping that I can keep my focus on my school and things to do.
It just is not a very good moment but I am trying to make myself forget him. am just feeling lost at the moment. i am not really sure what my life is about now, but i am going to try not to worry about that either at the moment. it is really hard right after.

-- posted by sweetgrass

» brokenwings - P.

In response to P. posted by sweetgrass:

Dear Sweetgrass-- Yes, it is the hardest step to take--the FIRST one, where you realize that you MUST break up, and actually ACT on the decision.

"I am not really sure what my life is about now"--

Sweetgrass-- your life right now is about YOU!!! And HEALING, and GETTING STRONGER, and LEARNING, and GROWING--just like a BUTTERFLY!

Just try to take each day at a time. Your education is so VERY IMPORTANT, and so are your belly-dancing classes! Exercise for the mind and body!!

As for "making yourself forget about him"--well--that IS a tough one, but each day that passes, WILL get a little bit better, and a little bit easier...

As I tried to explain earlier, it is "OK" to acknowledge that you "love" this man--but you cannot "beat yourself over the head" just because HE was not CAPABLE of RECEIVING or APPRECIATING your love!!

In time, you will find that "Different spot in your heart" for your feelings about him, and you will realize that YOU DO NOT HAVE TO HAVE HIM IN YOUR DAY-TO-DAY LIFE in order to be a HAPPY, FULFILLED person!!

Everyone's "time-table" is unique: This is a GRIEVING PROCESS, like a death. BUT, it really isn't the loss of HIM so much, I think, but what that "man" slowly "murdered" in YOU--your TRUST, your SELF-CONFIDENCE...

Sweetgrass, right now, your life is about YOU!! You are a WONDERFUL soul, deserving of MUCH, and you have MANY FRIENDS on this Forum who recognize and appreciate just how SPECIAL and GIVING you are!!!

So you see?? You really AREN't "lost", afterall! Just on a DIFFERENT path, leading you to new friends and HEALTHY relationships in the future where you are LOVED and RESPECTED for WHO YOU ARE!!!!

YOU are AWESOME!!!!

Most Sincerely--

"Wings"

-- posted by brokenwings

» sweetgrass - P.

In response to P. posted by brokenwings:

Dear Wings,
thank you for the support today. this is my time to grieve, but i am going to believe that i will heal. i have seen others do it here and it has been hard for all of us. sometimes we get our hearts torn, hopefully i have learned some things that will help me in my future.
i really appreciate being able to communicate with others who know what this type of break up feels like. even in a "normal" relationship, a break up is so hard, but with some kind of abuse, there is such a mind trip involved and that part is hard.

-- posted by sweetgrass

» brokenwings - P.

In response to P. posted by sweetgrass:

Hi Sweetie!! Yep--a "mind-trip", alright--THEIRS!
But I know that it will take time to "unravel the web" that they have "spun" on us!!

Now, what I have been doing re my EX is "throwing out the trash", i.e.--HIS GARBAGE!!!!! Literally and figuratively!!

When I start doubting myself, etc.,, I just say to myself--"Hey-wait a minute--that is YOUR GARBAGE, EXie-poo-- and it is cluttering my mind"...So, I find stuff around the house and yard that is no longer "useful"--and out it goes IN THE TRASH--along with those "Negative" thoughts--"No Longer Relevant"...AND--"EX--you NO LONGER have POWER or CONTROL over ME OR MY THOUGHTS".

It no longer matters to me..what HE thinks--and ya know what???
My house is looking pretty darn good! And--so is my yard!! I am no longer "neglecting" things that NEED to be done in deference to EX's EVERY whim, DEMAND or desire!!

I am also finding things that I tucked into a closet, because HE didn't like it, and they are being put back where they USED to be!

I am wearing what I WANT to wear--and I must admit, I need to get used to "turning a few heads" again! But, I think I am starting to LIKE IT!!!!

Because you know what, Sweetie?? We are starting to take PRIDE in OURSELVES again--and we BOTH have a LOT TO BE PROUD OF!!!!!

You should be so VERY PROUD of YOURSELF for breaking off with your EX, Sweetgrass!! That is Quite an ACCOMPLISHMENT--that shows STRENGTH, CONVICTION and INTEGRITY--do NOT EVER doubt those qualities in YOURSELF. Our EXes are the ones who LACK them, and I do believe, RESENT us for having them...

So, I think this calls for you doing something REALLY SPECIAL for YOURSELF today!!! What I now call a "JUST BECAUSE I DESERVE IT" kinda thing!!!!

Yesterday, broken leg and all, I went to a Nursery, bought a bunch of cheap annuals, found ALL the Victorian-style planter-boxes that EX used to HATE (called them "froofie", filled them TO THE BRIM (Geeze, took FOREVER and my leg/arms acted up", BUT I DON'T CARE), and placed them around the yard. SO MANY neighbors COMPLIMENTED the way it NOW looks!!! So, I turned on some pretty music, had a glass of wine, propped up my leg, and just ADMIRED all those BEAUTIFUL, HAPPY flowers!!!!!

This morning--my doggie and I had coffee out in the patio--and the flowers looked even MORE beautiful and special---and you know the BEST PART??????

SO MANY-----

BUTTERFLIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(and I SWEAR I saw one belly-dancing!!!!)

HUGS!!!!

"Wings"

-- posted by brokenwings

» sweetgrass - P.

In response to P. posted by brokenwings:

That is very sweet, a butterfly bellydancing. I am hoping to still go to my class tonight. I have these crying jags that just come out and do not want to do that there.
That is good advice to do something nice for me. I am no longer on call for him. I think I might like to go for a massage if I can find someplace that is reasonable.
The power of touch is healing.
Your positive attitude is a blessing. I hope good things come your way.

-- posted by sweetgrass

» brokenwings - P.

In response to P. posted by sweetgrass:

Good Evening sweetgrass--Yes!!! You MUST do something NICE for your YOURSELF!! mASSAGE SOUNDS great!!! oR, GET YOUR NAILS DONE, OR A PEDICURE!!! Does not have to cost much to do for YOU!!!

The crying thing comes in "waves"--but sure enough--thre waves are fewer and farther between, and not so "big"...

YOU JUST HANG IN THERE!!

Try and find something WONDERFUL each day to celebrate the TRUE beauty in life--do something for YOU and a "random act of kindness" for some other person--and REMEMBER just how SPECIAL you are!!!

Tomorrow will be a little bit better--hold that head of yours up HIGH!!!!

Huggs--

"Wings"

P.S. I have decided not to use "Broken" wings any more--Just WINGS...!!!!!

-- posted by brokenwings

» sweetgrass - P.

In response to P. posted by brokenwings:

that is something important to remember, to be kind to others. sometimes when i was with him, there really was no time for others because i was totally absorbed with his needs.

you really share some very practial things that can help a lot. i am actually doing a lot better than i expected. i hope this feeling will last. thank you for your support.

-- posted by sweetgrass

» jfarris - P.

In response to P. posted by sweetgrass:

Remember what it is that is making you feel good right now...support and ontinue to seek it out. You are not in this alone as you have seen. Take it one step at a time and continue to look to those around you who can help and listen.

-- posted by jfarris

» sweetgrass - P.

In response to P. posted by jfarris:

thank you, Jamie Sue. i have received enormous support from this site and the narcissist site. i can talk much more freely here than to friends that are not in such a relationship and it has helped me. i hope you are doing well too.

-- posted by sweetgrass

» brokenwings - P.

In response to P. posted by sweetgrass:

Good Morning Sweetgrass! How are you doing today?! It is wonderful to read that you are doing much better--YES--i DO HOPE that each day continues to just get better and BETTER foryou!!

Wow, you said something in your post about spending so much time and energy with your N, and not having time for others that really triggered a "realization" for me w/ my EX--

It seems that everytime I did smoething really nice for OTHERS in my life--that is when my EX would get particualrly "weird" and rage-filled.

Geeze--did you have that experience as well???

It's just hitting me over the head like a sledgehammer!! Like he had to "punish me" for not giving ALL my love and kindness to HIM--...
Even though he would "say"--"that was a nice thing you did for (whiomever), WOW,--the "no good deed goes unpunished" trick was played out EVERYTIME!!!!

I couldn't really put my "finger" on it, 'till I read your post--THANKS!!! The "puzzle" pieces are all just fitting together perfectly...

It is so terribly sad that N's don't/ can't realize that SHARING love or an act of kindness with others in our lives does NOT DIMINISH the love that we (once, probably still do) felt for THEM. But, I realize now that it is part of the N "virus", that Smoken so eloquently has explained on the N Forum...

Yes, it is really important to be kind to others--we KNOW what pain is...and love and kindness is so very healing...

No wonder Ns resent that quality so much--it only feeds their "ego", albeit temporarily,when they are "supplied" with it, and I guess,sub-consciously or consciously, is a painful reminder that they are missing that 1/4 "piece of the pie" that would otherwise allow them to be a happy, healthy individual.

What a revelation!!! Its kinda like baking a cake--can't go back and add the eggs!!!!

Again, Sweetgrass, it sure is great to see how you are doing!!! You have so many people supporting you!! Sure is wonderful to know that we are not alone!!!!

Huggs!!

Wings

-- posted by brokenwings