Abuse

» jac2sallieveriz - I started dating my husband eight years ago.

In response to I started dating my husband eight years ago. posted by eurydice23:

-- posted by jac2sallieveriz

» jac2sallieveriz - my life has been stopped when it should have began.

My first reaction to the yelling is to yell back,i am a recovering drug addict and have been clean for 5 years i have been with my husband off and on for 15 years i was sober our first7 years nothing big pot. I began to do hard drugs after my second child was born ,i had so many plans and goals to fullfill but wasn't doing it fast enough for me husband i was working and going to school and raising our two boys but that wasn't good enough he critisized me and made me cry for not being something that he wanted me to be. He grew up with a mom that had mental problems bi-polar disorder for a while i thought he may have it to because of his mood swings and unhappy feelings nothing could make him happy he smoked alot pot was what made him a little normal he would talk and smile. The kids were not close to thier dad for along time he was to busy making me feel like dirt to notice that they were looking for him to play with or read to them or just kiss them or hug them he doesn't do that to this day for them he doesn't say goodnight or i love you its the most painful thing i have ever seen. At the time i looked to get out of it but got into something worse i have made bad mistakes that i can never forget or let me forget the pain i caused the two most important people in my life will never leave me,see i came back and tried to make a new life fresh start i got a job was there for the guys all of them got back into motherhood and wife life again i had missed it i missed them. So we moved got a house and have been here two years now and the put downs are back somedays he is nice the next i am the drug addict mom that left her children and am a whore and a bitch cunt fat ass, now this man has always been distructive with words hes put his hands on me once or twice but i am a tough woman and have laid him out. These are not the stories i thought i would be sharing with people not that it isnt helping but this is not the life i expected for me or my kids . I havent gone to get support around here as a matter of fact this just happened today there is a sort of emptiness i feel and sadness, but never hopeless i am stonger than this i fought drugs and came out with a win now i will fight this and i will win.thanks for the eyes and ears.

-- posted by jac2sallieveriz

» brokenwings - my life has been stopped when it should have began.

In response to my life has been stopped when it should have began. posted by jac2sallieveriz:

Hi Jac--WOW!! What strength and COURAGE to share your story, and TRUST!!! Gosh, thank you so much for sharing your concerns here--- You will find MANY friends here that can support you!!

While our personal stories are "unique", there is a COMMON THREAD, I have discovered--that we ALL share:

PAIN and DESTRUCTION in our lives, our SOULS--and as you have so clearly stated "Not the life I expected for me or my kids"....

Or, the emptiness and sadness...

I am so glad that you are "never hopeless"-- and that you are STRONG, will fight and will WIN--!!!

What are your "goals"--are you thinking about going back to school?!!!

P

-- posted by brokenwings

» sweetgrass - my life has been stopped when it should have began.

In response to my life has been stopped when it should have began. posted by brokenwings:

you are such a positive person, wings. i really like that about you.

-- posted by sweetgrass

» brokenwings - my life has been stopped when it should have began.

In response to my life has been stopped when it should have began. posted by sweetgrass:

Good Morning Sweetie!! Well, THANKS!!!! I really appreciate your kind words!!

I am learning that it takes just as much effort, if not MORE, to be all negative and "gloomy", than it is to try and find the GOOD, POSITIVE angles to a, what I now call a "KOSS" (Kind of Sucky Situation), if you know what I mean!!!

Gosh--I read your post to "Depleted"--Sweetgrass, that was BEAUTIFUL, and it should be published and be "mandatory reading"!
WOW!

Sweetgrass--THANK YOU again for your vrey kind words--you really "boost me up"--yesterday was kinda rough, and I truly know how you feel about talking to friends who have not experienced such a situation...it is difficult for US to "wrap our heads around" the dysfunctional aspects of these "men", let alone others, who fortunately have been "spared"...

My friend thinks that my EX feels "guilty" about his despicable conduct the nite I fell down the stairs. I tried to explain to her that no, he does NOT--he is ANGRY at ME, because it means that HIS NEEDS will not be met. Another "incovenience" interfering with HIS LIFE.

I also relayed to her something else I had "forgotten"--when I was recuperating from the first broken knee in February (which was why I was on crutches, and why i subsequently fell down the stairs), incident #1 was EX waited almost 2 DAYS to get the pain medicine prescribed by the ER doc...Incident #2 was when he literally threw my blind dog onto the bed, and he landed just inches away from my broken knee--the jostling HURT, and I KINDLY asked EX to please be careful...Well, that just triggered a yelling rage--I SAID NOTHING AT ALL--but he JUST KEPT SCREAMING "SHUT THE F---UP--I DIDN'T HURT YOU--YOU ARE ALWAYS SO F__IN DRAMATIC-"-etc. Trust me, I KEPT MY MOUTH SHUT, and this "SHUT THE F---"UP" stuff lasted for 10 MINUTES!!!! My poor dog was cringing and shaking, and trying to cuddle as close as possible next to me.

My friend was HORRIFIED---AND SO AM I!!!! I am truly of the belief that this is precisely why EX has always INSISTED on living in "secluded" properties-- NO ONE ELSE CAN HEAR the ABUSE or call the cops to check it out...and I would betcha THAT is EXACTLY WHY he RAN LIKE HELL when I called 911 after I fell down the staircase , and when the paramedics showed up. HE WANTED TO SAVE HIS BUTT!!!

So, feeling "Guilty"--NO WAY.... not CAPABLE of that...

WHEW!!! Well, I am VERY LUCKY that I am OUT of this MADNESS!!! And I am LUCKY that I have my precious doggie back, SAFE AND SOUND!!!!!

We are going to the "doggie beach" today!!! No one can believe that He is TOTALLY BLIND--he still "fetches" his floatie-bone from the water--he can hear where it lands and can smell it--and I have ONE DETERMINED little doggie--he will paddle and paddle until he FINDS THAT BONE and brings it back to me!!!!!!

So, I am going to follow my doggie's FINE EXAMPLE of COURAGE and DETERMINATION, Sweetgrass!!!

Now, who says you "can't teach and old dog new tricks"????!!!!!!

THANKS AGAIN, Sweetgrass!!!!! I am going to re-read your post again, for INSPIRATION!!!!!

What are YOU doing this beautiful, sunny NEW DAY?!! I hope you are belly-dancing with the butterflies!!!

Wings

-- posted by brokenwings

» sweetgrass - my life has been stopped when it should have began.

In response to my life has been stopped when it should have began. posted by brokenwings:

dear wings,
feel free to join us if you want to post on the other site. there are a lot of supportive women there and you would be very welcome.

-- posted by sweetgrass

» brokenwings - my life has been stopped when it should have began.

In response to my life has been stopped when it should have began. posted by sweetgrass:

Hi Sweetgrass!! Thanks for the invitation! See ya on "the other side"!!!!

Wings

-- posted by brokenwings

» sweetgrass - my life has been stopped when it should have began.

In response to my life has been stopped when it should have began. posted by brokenwings:

"on the other side"...the first thing I thought of is, does she mean the other site or the other side, when i am healed and i feel ok again?
maybe you mean both.

i have to tell you something i have noticed about myself.
before when i was only with the N, he treated me rather callously at times and as a defense, i started to build kind of a hard barrier around me. kind of like i am tough and don't care or am not sensitive. in a way that is good, because i can care too much and sometimes get too upset so for me to start to be able to be a little tougher was good but also not good.
when i came to this site and the other, it started to melt my heart a little. to be around warmth again made me feel warm again.
it is kind of nice not to be in an atmosphere where we all have to be so tough and uncaring.
when we bite and devour each other, life becomes very different.
i can't quite make sense of all the different things that have happened to me in life, but i get little bits of truth here and there that i do understand. to the N, beauty, fame, adoration all those things that are important are things that one has to strive so hard for. feeling love and acceptance is like a healing balm, it is something that cannot be matched. when we feel love and warmth, it does touch us and change us.
you have reached out to others here and i hope that in your life, you are feeling happy and truly peaceful.

-- posted by sweetgrass

» brokenwings - my life has been stopped when it should have began.

In response to my life has been stopped when it should have began. posted by sweetgrass:

Good Afternoon Sweetgrass!! Well, i DID mean other "site", but ya' know--HEY--we are BOTH getting to the "other SIDE", slowly, but surely--where there IS warmth, and love and understanding and ACCEPTANCE--and HAPPINESS!!!

Building a "barrier" is quite natural to protect oneself from further HURT; but when one is in the company of those who RESPECT and ACCEPT us, those barriers really aren't necessary any more, are they? I do believe that over TIME, and when we are surrounded more and more by "appropriate" people in our lives, those barriers will just continue to melt away!!!!

Will post more on the "other SITE"--THANKS again, Sweetgrass, for your very kind invitation!! YOU and the ladies (and Gents), are truly AMAZING and SUPPORTIVE and so FUNNY!!! It feels good to LAUGH!!!!

Wings

-- posted by brokenwings

» sweetgrass - my life has been stopped when it should have began.

In response to my life has been stopped when it should have began. posted by brokenwings:

human nature is amazing. sometimes it is easy to focus on the bad stuff, but there is a lot of good too. one thing that i do enjoy is a sense of humor. we do laugh and make some weird jokes on there. even though there is nothing funny about the pain we are in, still it is a good thing to be able to joke about things and laugh. that is one of the miracles of the way we are made, i think. it is kind of part of our will to survive and thrive in our lives. even if you were not specifically dealing with a narcissist in your life, support is support and it is a good thing to interact with others that can relate to what we are going through. no one else can share those kinds of jokes.
i have just found you to be a very upbeat person, you seem to bring a certain lightness and hope with you. that is so wonderful.

-- posted by sweetgrass