Abuse

» brokenwings - my life has been stopped when it should have began.

In response to my life has been stopped when it should have began. posted by sweetgrass:

Thanks Sweetgrass!! Whatever this "man" has done to me, I REFUSE to succumb to the efects of his cruel and thoughtless behavior or actions. I will NOT ALLOW him to "Snuff out" my optimism, my humour or whatever trust or "innocence" I have left...because, if I do, I will BECOME HIM.

Now that I understand that he truly has a mental illness, I cannot be angry at him. I didn't CAUSE it, nor am I capable of CURING it. I just feel PROFOUND PITY for him---as he lacks the ability to genuinely RECEIVE or GIVE love, unconditionally. He is a "shell" of a "man"...and does not realize that...
I guess "ignorance is bliss" for him!

However, I have learned MUCH from the experience. And I continue to work each day on healing, emotionally and physically. So, tomorrow--off to Physical Therapy for the leg!

You and this Site have done so MUCH to enable me to go through the emotional healing process--it is SO THERAPEUTIC to be able to share our experiences, our thoughts, our FEELINGS--and not be JUDGED, critised or "invalidated"---just SUPPORTED!!!!

Now, if I could just figure out how to belly-dance with my doggie--now isn't THAT a picture--
"Girl on crutches belly-dancing with blind doggie"--!!!! Wish I had a video-camera!!!!!

Humm, will have to work on that one!!!! (Maybe at Physical Therapy they could hook me up to one of those electrical machines that makes your stomach muscles twitch until I get the hang of it!!!)
My doggie's belly is ALREADY jiggling, which is why he is on a diet!!!

Ok Sweet--I have a busy day, so next time I post, it will be on the N Forum.

KEEP LAUGHING!!!!!

See ya!

Wings

-- posted by brokenwings

» sweetgrass - my life has been stopped when it should have began.

In response to my life has been stopped when it should have began. posted by brokenwings:

I wish you would post this post on the N site because you really do bring up some good points that are helpful to keep in mind.
It really does stand out to me that if we allow the man to snuff out our optimism or humor, trust or innocence then be become him. In fact, I have read that on the information on narcissism, that many times women do become like the person that has hurt them. Sometimes bitterness or disullusionment or humiliation can make us feel like not trying anymore and we can become like shells of women also. That was such an important thing to consider, that we do not want to become them. It is easy to think, I was so gullible and vulnerable and stupid to have gotten into this, to have tried so hard for some man to hurt me. So it is tempting to say, I will never be hurt again, but sometimes when we do that, we close ourselves off to someone or some experience that would have been good. It is good to learn and to be a whole lot wiser and leave when we see the danger signals, but it is also good to keep certain things about ourselves intact.
You also make a good point when you say that he has a mental illness so there is no need to be angry at the person. Truly it is not like they can shut the abuse on and off so easily. They are very troubled souls, most of whom were very hurt when they were young. But also, we did not cause it nor can we cure it. I sometimes like to think that if I truly love someone enough that my love will be healing to them. That is still a hard thought for me to let go of. Also, I know what it is like to receive the blame for his problems as well.
The description of these men as being a shell of a man is a good description. Maybe they do realize it and they might not really be able to face it or know what to do. They do what they do to cope which is to suck the life from women who are life-giving. Unfortunately for many women, we become a shell of our former selves due to their abuse.
Over all, you have such a positive outlook and I can see why a man who is a shell would want you around because you are a life-giving person. But one thing we cannot do to ourselves is to allow another to destroy us. Just like we want to be kind to them, we must also be kind to us because they actually do not know how to do that for someone.
It is therapeutic to be able to share and not be judged or invalidated. That is one reason I like to share here. My "normal" women friends have a low tolerance for even listening because right away they have decided I should just be done with him. I do appreciate that ability in them, to be done with an abusive man and they are right. It just does not fit me though. I am still dealing with this because of whatever is inside me that compels me to stay. It is helpful to speak to others who can fathom the possibility that a woman might stay with an abusive man because that gives those of us who are troubled a chance to process it and work through it, hopefully with a happy ending. Please post these thoughts on the other site. I know they would greatly benefit the others there.

-- posted by sweetgrass

» brokenwings - my life has been stopped when it should have began.

In response to my life has been stopped when it should have began. posted by sweetgrass:

Hi Sweetgrass!! Is there some EASY way to copy my posts on this Forum and transfer them to the N site? My hands are alittle limited with "re-inventing the wheel", and I am just now getting the hang of this computer technology (sort of)--if it can be done--GREAT!! If not--that's ok--itll just take me a little longer, that's all!

THANKS A BUNCH!!!!!!!

HUGGGGS!!!!!!

Wings

-- posted by brokenwings

» kiki21 - Am I abused

In response to Am I abused posted by DiBender68:

I am going through exactly the same thing and have no idea where to find help. I am 10 weeks pregnant, and have no job due to his request. The thing that gets worst is that I have to also live with his abusive mother. I go through different thoughts and ways of escape everyday, just never come up with a solution. I also get named a slut and a whore and other degrading names. He tells me I am fat, and ugly and makes me feel really insecure about myself. Who would want to ever be with me.
Him and his mother gang up on me and abuse me together. Sometimes if I go to eat something and later one of them goes to look for that same thing that I have already eaten I get abused. He is so into her it is really fowl. He does whatever she says. God forbid I ever say anything wrong to her. So hun I understand your situation and if you come up with a solution let me know.

-- posted by kiki21

» sweetgrass - my life has been stopped when it should have began.

In response to my life has been stopped when it should have began. posted by brokenwings:

Hi wings,I did not see this post in time to answer you. I hope you are doing well. It is easy to copy and paste though. Just highlight the parts you want and then hit control C to copy. when you get to the place you want to paste it, hit control V and it will appear. let me know if that helps or not.

-- posted by sweetgrass

» sweetgrass - Am I abused

In response to Am I abused posted by kiki21:

Dear Kiki, do you have any family of your own or friends that would be willing to help you?

-- posted by sweetgrass

» brokenwings - my life has been stopped when it should have began.

In response to my life has been stopped when it should have began. posted by sweetgrass:

Hi Sweet--Thanks! Well, this is really sooooo embarrassing....how the heck do you highlight the text that you want to copy??? (Told ya I was "technically challenged!!!) Geeze.....well, when my leg is better, I guess I better find a Computer 101 class!!!!!!!

THANKS SWEETGRASS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hugggggs!

Wings

~~~Raising glass to Friday Toast~~~~~

-- posted by brokenwings

» kiki21 - Am I abused

In response to Am I abused posted by sweetgrass:

No you see has has made me move interstate, and I have had to give up all contact with friend and family. I am at a point where I feel that there is no point of going on.... I have nothing to go on for... When your days are painted Black and you have nothing to look forward to, You just realise that it's just not worth it.... I wish I could somehow escape all this, but I just am just to ill and weak to fight back. I could get help from my parents, I just really don't want to worry them. I mean I am an only child and even though I don't have much contact with them, I know that everything they do is for me.... So the last thing I want is for them to worry or stress about me.

-- posted by kiki21

» sweetgrass - Am I abused

In response to Am I abused posted by kiki21:

Dear Kiki,
When you feel isolated and you feel trapped and you feel there is no way out and no need to try to go on...it just might be the right time to worry your parents. I know you do not want to worry them unnecessarily but sometimes we need a helping hand. It sounds like this is the time for you to reach out to them or someone. If they were in need, if they reached out to you, you would probably try to do what you can for them.
You might want to consider trying to contact them or get some help before giving up. This is YOUR life, not his. My opinion is he has no right to ruin your life. You might need to exert yourself right now and struggle to get out. Don't give up the fight too easily, Kiki. Our lives are precious. Sometimes it hurts and I know the feeling of wishing I were never born, of feeling depressed and in despair. However, I also know moments when life feels good to me, even though there are bad things right along side of the good.
Sometimes a little bit of anger at the abuse can give you the momentum you need. When we have been wronged, it is ok to feel angry and to take our lives back with a bit of a fight. You are worth it.
I know what it feels like to be too weak to fight back. Then I noticed that it felt so miserable and no one was rescuing me and I had to decide to take some steps to regain some sense of balance. I was in such pain this past fall. I do not even like to think of the heaviness of my heart at that time. I am hoping for you that you will get sick of that black hole and start clawing your way out of it.
I would like to invite you to another site I post on which is called narcissist abuse or narcissist victim. That site has a lot of women who are struggling to heal and finding victory in their lives. We share a lot with each other. Please come and share your story with us. We would be happy to give you our ears and share what we know about getting strong again.

-- posted by sweetgrass

» sweetgrass - wings, copy and pasting...

In response to my life has been stopped when it should have began. posted by brokenwings:

Dear Wings,
It would be so easy to show you how in person. It all sounds so wordy when I describe it, but let me try.

Start by putting your arrow or pointer thingy, which I think is called a cursor, at the start of the first word you want to copy, ok?

Next, press down on the mouse button, the one on the left, and keep holding it down.
While you are holding down the left button on the mouse, make your arrow move across the sentence or paragraph you want and you will see it turn blue because it is highlighted. You move your arrow by either rolling the ball on your mouse or moving your finger across that pad if you are using a laptop. k?
try it.
Now, while your sentence is highlighted (blue colored)you then hit the control button (under the question mark) and while holding it down, hit the C key.
Now you have copyied it.

Now, go to the place where you want to paste the words, on a different screen. place the cursor where you want the words to appear. Now hold down the control key and hit the V key and the words should appear.

does it work?

-- posted by sweetgrass