Abuse

» sienna1942 - Re My son is a narcissist

Dear Daiseywheel,
Thank you so very much for your letter.
Yes, I agree, that the one and only thing any person can do is run as far and as fast as one can from the presence of a Narcissist.
Every day, my own decision to separate is better and, of course, being on this site and having encouragement through letters such as your's helps, too.
I am on a singles site; trying to meet a gentleman for a life partner and one I recently met had his own hellish narcissistic experiences with his former wife's child. He wed her when the boy was about 5 and then they had a son and daughter of their own. They were married for approximately 15 years. It turned out that the rages of the step-son and his other behaviors got worse and worse and the wife began to pull more and more toward the son (poor boy, etc.; he needs me, it's him and me against the world, etc.) To the point that he divorced her and she still won't see that she is the son's victim and narcissistic supplier and the out-come is that the man won't let me help him talk about it and learn about it in order to help himself heal and also in order to have enough information about a narcissist to give to his former wife so she can escape the prison she and her son have built around her.
I had no other option but to stop the relationship from continuing on.
He wanted to hinder me from speaking at all about narcissism or even trying to read about it on his own. Rather, he just wanted to 'forget it and go on with life' or words to that effect. It's a mistake that many people make because putting one's head in the sand is not dealing with the issues in order to heal. It was too bad because he was nice but, as I said, this is my 'ministry' and I get a lot of joy and personal healing by helping others in the same boat.
It shows that I am getting stronger and stronger in that I can notice emotional pitfalls that I should avoid when trying to begin a new relationship. I, also, am aware of my own personal boundaries and won't let someone ignore or abuse them which is, also, a good sign of healing.
A narcissist crosses your boundaries so many times that you don't realize it and soon you have none where they are concerned!
I think (but it was not diagnosed at the time) that my own father was a narcissist.
He was diagnosed as paranoid but when I think back (now that I have had my own narcissistic experiences) I can see some of the traits in him that a true narcissist has.
One trait he had was sexual aggressiveness and/or inappropriatness. There, also, was sexual child abuse and both of the above were done to me by my father. These are the two main reasons why I feel that he was also a narcissist.
My childhood was bad enough that my mind will not recall memories of early childhood all the way up to early teens!
After 4 or 5 years of analysis, the doctor at that time would still not even venture to open those closed doors. Even by hypnosis. It is, I guess, the body's way of protecting our sanity. The doctor did not want to have me loose my sanity by crossing that boundary, I guess.
I do recall a discussion that I had with a man (he and his wife closed off communication with my parents even though they were thought to be my folks' best friends at the time). This happened when I was about 6 years old.
He said they closed off being close with my parents because of the way my father treated me!
It is a pity that they did not go further and involve the police and social services but they did not which left me in that hell for the rest of my life but, nevertheless, it was of some small healing that he told me the story when I was in my early 30's.
I am on this site to help others who may have been touched by a narcissist or want to be informed if they are, in fact, involved with one.
It is my 'ministry, as I said. Through it, I want to help others by giving them any information that might help them make their own decisions or to just make them feel a little less alone in their hell and how to escape it. Sienna1942

-- posted by sienna1942