Abuse

» rad7912 - abuse?

I need your input please. I am engaged to a man I have known for 1 year. He is intelligent, can be generous, successful or was before an auto accident left him disabled with a closed head injury post 20 years, and soft hearted. (especially when it comes to his own heart it seems) He is slow to anger and is never violent. The problem is this. He uses his closed head injury to get his own way and his own needs met.

Almost as soon as we met, he coaxed me away from my home and I have only been back for one over night since. He will not come there because he cannot tolerate the small rooms, the boredom, the cats etc... but he acts like he is being abandoned when I want to go there. His voice gets soft and dejected sounding, he gets so lonely, feels abandoned, needs me etc....
he is also very verile and has to have sex every day regardless of how I feel. He says that I can manage and I feel trapped into it. He stays up at night and sleeps until noon or so. That is when I have time to myself. Once he is awake, I am tied up with whatever he wants to do. Sometimes that includes doing something really nice together. The problem is that I am diabetic and don't have the energy level he has and he doesn't understand that. What I want to know is this: He has been diagnosed with narcisistic tendencies. He is always kind and gentle, but always gets his way with me. I didn't believe the narcisistic label because he is so unlike my brother(npd) who can desimate you with one look, and often does. Am I missing the red flags here?

I was in an unhappy marriage for 25 years when my husband died suddenly. I love this man, but I feel more like a caregiver, especially in the bedroom than his partner.
Please enlighten me.

Thank you,
rad7912

-- posted by rad7912

Permalink Print Discussion Email Discussion How to subscribe to feeds

» justcathy63 - abuse?

In response to abuse? posted by rad7912:

Hi there,

I'm new to this sight but wanted to reply to your message. It sounds like he is molding you into HIS playmate. That nawing feeling you have is your inner voice talking to you. Ask yourself this question: Am I excited to see him? Do you look forward to a meeting/phonecall/night with him? If the answer is sorta/kinda/alittle be strong and honset with yourself. You are short-changing your needs for his.

Good luck!

JustCathy

-- posted by justcathy63

Permalink Print Discussion Email Discussion How to subscribe to feeds

» jfarris - abuse?

In response to abuse? posted by justcathy63:

What he is practing is control. You may want to rethink this one. You are not repsonible for this man's injury and you don't have to take care of him. He is using his injury to get what he wants and he is controlling you with it. You need to put a stop to it now or you will spend all of your time taking care of him. Many women fall into this trap. Set your boundry now.

-- posted by jfarris

Permalink Print Discussion Email Discussion How to subscribe to feeds

» rad7912 - abuse?

In response to abuse? posted by justcathy63:

It's been a while....computer problems...but I want to thank you for your reply to my posting. I left him and went back to my house. Lo and behold some serious adjustments were made on his part and we are slowly taking steps to see where it leads and if these changes are permanent. Thank you and jferris for your encouragement and input. It was the impetus I needed to act.

very truly,
rad7912

-- posted by rad7912

Permalink Print Discussion Email Discussion How to subscribe to feeds