Abuse

» haajin123 - my sons father (not husband) very abusive,yet getting away

My sons father left us after 4 years of emotional, mental, and verbal abuse. Thank God. But since our son is only 5 years old he manages to still remain abusive like not letting me speak to my son when he's in his care, and the crappy part of it all, is the judge is letting him get away with it all. I am so frustrated, tired literally sick and have considered abusing myself just to avoid having to deal with him for 13 more years. I can't take it.

-- posted by haajin123

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» hawkgazer - my sons father (not husband) very abusive,yet getting away

In response to my sons father (not husband) very abusive,yet getting away posted by haajin123:

Haajin123-
just remember, the best thing you can do for your child is to take care of your own mental health and well-being so that YOU can be supportive to him and a positive, non-abusive role model in his life. Try to stay grateful that you and your son do not have to live daily with the emotional abuse, and remind yourself that you CAN get through this, one day at a time. "abusing yourself" as you put it would only leave your son with a hurt mom. Stand strong. (((hugs!))

-- posted by hawkgazer

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» sktjapan2003 - my sons father (not husband) very abusive,yet getting away

In response to my sons father (not husband) very abusive,yet getting away posted by haajin123:

My heart went out to you when I read your post. Although some days you may feel like you can't go on...you have to for your son. You have to be the one (since his father isn't) to show and teach him how to be loving, caring, and show self control so he won't treat other women or YOU like that when he's older. His father is teaching him the opposite. Remember, as a Christian, it doesn't mean that all your problems go away. It means that you don't have to figure your problems out by yourself anymore. You are allowed to cast all you fears, worries, and burdons to Jesus. Ask the Lord for strength when you need it. YOU just do your very best as a mom and let the Lord handle the rest. He'll handle it...I promise you. As far as your ex-husband, don't worry about him anymore either. The consequences he'll receive from the Lord are much worse than what you could ever do. Try to just keep peace...you have to do what's best for your son. I know I sound like a "bible thumper"...I'm really not. I'm just convinced (from personal experience) that "He" is the only way to find true peace and joy. Hang in there!

-- posted by sktjapan2003

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» ajmsoul - my sons father (not husband) very abusive,yet getting away

In response to my sons father (not husband) very abusive,yet getting away posted by haajin123:

I really hope that you are taking care of yourself and not being abusive to yourself.

Systems sure aren't perfect but they are all we've got. Sometimes, even when things go wrong, all we can do is the best we can do. Your son needs you to be there for him when he is to be with you.
He needs to know that his mother is okay.

I know it must be so difficult to deal with the unfairness of the system's inability to effectively deal with what you are experiencing.

Remember, we can only control what we choose to do and we can only control ourselves.

I hope that you can put your energy into taking care of you and being there for your son so that in spite of what the system hasn't, can't, or won't stop, your son experience the meeting of his needs and as much safety and security as you can give to him.

It may sound simplistic but focusing on your son's father's actions or "games" is not going to help you son. If you put your focus on what you can do for your son, you and he will be the better for that.

I wish you all the best with this trying situation.

A.J.

-- posted by ajmsoul

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