Abuse

» sag07 - me turning crazy now

In response to me turning crazy now posted by stress30:
"Even though he is the king manipulator, i've never seen anything like it. He's so good that nobody can see it exept me. HELP?????!?!?!!"

He sound like a classic (Narcissistic personality disorder) NPD. He can change his personality like we do with our clothes. His manipulation is two things for him, One control over you and then second, NS (Narcissistic supply) from you and your family, even negative reaction are a NS for NPD and positive from your family. This man in very happy getting his NS from so many people. Having his baby (yes, he will use the children to control and abuse you) isn't gonna help this situlation much. It find this very hard to say but you need to get out of this relationship, as your NPD grows older his abuse will only increase... Plus if it's ever his ideal to end this relationship you will be dropped like a hot potato. He will wait until you are so low and used up, and then walk on you as he walks out the door!

sag

-- posted by sag07

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» magictouch - whats wrong with me...why am i stuck????

In response to whats wrong with me...why am i stuck???? posted by somuchmore:

Hi there!

I am in the SAME boat! You're not alone!

I'll write more tomorrow, in the mean time, STICK to you decision.

For the 1st time in my life, I had to follow my head and not my heart.

Will write more soon.

Magictouch

-- posted by magictouch

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» magictouch - Not sure what to think?

In response to Not sure what to think? posted by dsoftball:

Hey dsoftball,

Seems to me like he knows you in and out.

To me, from my experience, he sounds like a verbal abuser alright.

How do you feel and what you really want?

-- posted by magictouch

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» magictouch - whats wrong with me...why am i stuck????

In response to whats wrong with me...why am i stuck???? posted by somuchmore:

Hi there,

I appologize for the delay of writing back. I was alittle down coping with my break up.

Am feeling much better now, arrghhhh just got an email from him, feel like crying now!Great that was a short lived feeling better!
You're not alone. I feel the same way too and I feel so lousy that I am so stuck just like you. I still love him and miss him very dearly.

It was very heart warming reading your post, finally I did not feel alone.I still do not understand why I am finding it so hard to wipe him out of my mind and heart.My closest friend just cannot understand how I can still have feelings for him.

Your parents remind me so much of mine, my mom and dad were praying very hard too.I am a muslim. Finally when I broke up, my dad made me promise that I would never go back to him. Both my parents have been incredibly supportive and loving. However, I did dissapoint then for about a week for going back to him, but this was before my dad made me promise! I went back the 3rd time because there were these speacial prayers he could have done, and I though ok I can go back because I haave a tool I can use that could perhaps change him! Sadly enough to reliaze that I was me who wanted to do the prayer, he said he would, but I could feel the drive was coming from me. Until today, he still does not realize what he does.It has been 3 weeks now since we have broken up. I have had NO contact with him, he emails almost everyday, but I do not reply, he calls , I do not answer. He is seeing a pscychiatrist now, he is down to his 4th visit.The doctor still is not too sure if he is verbally abusive as I hardly spoke during the past session and I was still not sure too.

I have had the most horrible 3 weeks ever, I too have been depressed, soo depressed...deep down inside, I want things to work out too, soo much. We were meant to be married and I could see alife with him in the beginning of the relationship.

If you need a source of support, which I know I could use too, please feel free to email me at
magictouch77@gmail.com

-- posted by magictouch

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» somuchmore - hello magictouch and mandy38 - you were so right!!!

In response to whats wrong with me...why am i stuck???? posted by magictouch:
hello magictouch77

i have just emailed your gmail acct. i havent checked this board in a few days as i have been doing long hours at work. I am glad you felt like someone understood after you read my post!!

It has been a week, and as Mandy38 pointed out to me...it totally seems like he is tryin to get me back. Mandy you were so right!!!The first few days he was mean to me, but now he keeps contacting me, and even said, "do you think we should still keep trying to go out"..."i think i just have it stuck in my head that i should still be going out with you, but now you reminded me why i dont want to" he's so rude.....
and i just said, i cant talk about this. i have to get up at 5. i'll talk to you later type thing. However, even though it seems like he wants me back - he still managed to throw a mean putdown in the conversation. He got annoyed at something i said/did, and said - "I dont know how anybody could ever live with you"...Yeah, nice..thanks....all my roommates have said i was one of the best ppl to live with ever! So even though he is trying to get my attention..he is still mean....
He complains about me, but yet he keeps asking me to do stuff and texting me like every freakin day..If i am so terrible as he always makes me sound..why does he keep talking to me...wanting me...so frustrating....

anyways, i will update more later everyone. i am too exhausted....and magic touch, we can talk thru email soon.

no matter what is going on....remember to take care of yourself: get lots of sleep, eat right, do things for you....things that make you happy....it's so important right now even though i know you might not be motivated to do it cuz you feel sad and down....just try - often if you do the action, the good feelings will follow after and you will feel better (trust me i know..i have struggled with depression many times!)....make a committment to your happiness. I just keep trying to tell myself that "this too shall pass" and while things hurt right now and are confusing....one day i could be SO thankful for this time because it may have SAVED my life and prevented me from a lifetime of misery. This pain will not last forever. Never settle.

-- posted by somuchmore

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» patsie2006 - I'm leaving this week

In response to whats wrong with me...why am i stuck???? posted by mandy38:

Hi again. I've made the decision to leave. I was going to stay whilst i carried on fighting for the house, but i have been thinking for a while that it would be better if i was somewhere else while i go through it. Because when i am around him, i always end up at rock bottom and it's no good for my kids or me. Anyway, yesterday was my son's 8th birthday and i just saw the look of jealousy on his face when my mum came with a birthday present. And then he started to make a really big deal out of the fact that his son already has the game that my son got for a present and blah blah blah! My mum felt really arkward and i was saying to him can't he just leave it for one day and let my son enjoy his birthday, but he just wouldn't. The worst thing is that my mum had actually got his son a present aswell so he wouldn't feel left out, and the ungrateful brat didn't even say thank you. And all day, him and his son just kept talking about what he wants to do for his birthday (he is going to be 10 next week.) and i just kept thinking how horrible and selfish they both are. Him and his son is always bullying my son. My son used to be so bubbly and out going, but now he is so defensive all the time. when anyone trys to talk to him, he just snaps. It's because he has been forced to live in this situation. He gets mad at me to and i know he blames me. So i spoke to him (he's very sensible and knows what goes on) and he said that he wants to go aswell. So i called the helpline and told them the only day i could go would be on Thursday when he is out of the house for an hour. They said that they will find me a refuge to go to. So we have started packing a few bits and i'm going to leave the things around my mum's and go collect it on Thursday before I leave. Then I am going to fight for my house. I don't see why him and his son should be allowed to stay when me and my three kids have to start again. He was the one who moved in with me and he wouldn't have even had his son if I hadn't have fought for him. The man can't do anything for himself. I'm surprised he can even wipe his own a***
Anyway sorry for ranting, just have alot to get off my chest.

-- posted by patsie2006

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» somuchmore - I'm leaving this week

In response to I'm leaving this week posted by patsie2006:
good for you! It seems like you have made a healthy, positive decision for your life. I know it will be difficult for awhile, but better in many other ways...You and your son will have each other for support. You are on your way to a better future! Keep coming back to this msg board for support...

-- posted by somuchmore

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» fedupandtired - had a bad day

I am isolated, told I am stupid, I am the reason he drinks, I do not deserve any new clothes or money. I do not deserve anything as he makes more money than me.
He is the Boss of the house and I am to do what he says. He is the Boss because he makes all the money, not true, I work.
I am to use all the money I make to pay his bills, my bills get left.
If I do not put the money I earn, in our joint account, so he can buy beer, he has a hissy fit.
He gets drunk and picks on me, tells me how smart he is and how stupid I am. He claims I am crazy and need help.
He has no friends but he claims it is because they all hate me. He doesn't show interest in his family and when he does he is charming and totally alien to me.
He has ripped our house apart and we live like poor hillbillies. He claims he doesn't have time or money to fix it because I don't make enough money or work enough around the home. Crazy maker.
I am tired and broken down today and had to vent.
I am hoping 2007 will be the year of change.
thanks for reading........Jill

-- posted by fedupandtired

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» somuchmore - had a bad day

In response to had a bad day posted by fedupandtired:
im sorry you had a bad day....the abuse is so draining and exhausting isnt it?

i know 2007 can be the year of change for you. you can create a happier future for yourself. i know it wont be easy, but youll be glad you did it. take your time and get some resources and support around you...you said you are isolated....if you dont have much family and friends in the area, you could try a helpline, or community resources, such as a support group, or a church group if you wanted. I know its not easy to reach out, but you need to not be isolated anymore...you need a good support network around you to draw strength from. Im not sure of your exact situation - but Im sure there is a way out of it.

He does not deserve you at all. You are valuable and have great worth - to God and others....You are a beautiful and intelligent woman, who somehow - like the rest of us found herself with someone who doesnt know how to treat us. Try to take care of yourself...Do one thing for you every day....this will increas your self esteem. Keep reaching out....you can have so much more than this.....he is just trying to control you because HE is insecure and does not want to be alone....

-- posted by somuchmore

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» legallyblonde - Not sure what to think?

In response to Not sure what to think? posted by dsoftball:

I have some advice for you, "buckle your seatbelts...the ride has just started". I, as well as everyone here knows firsthand what you are experiencing. You are just in the beginning stages, evidently. The snuggly, cute, honeymoon phase. You have been married for three months? I hope you understand that you may be in for one hell of a rollercoster ride. The ups are sooo wonderful, it takes your breath away. But, honey what goes up with these men, must come down. And the down is misery. I remember the beginning so well. It reminds me of the TV documentary on people addicted to cocaine. They all said that the first "high" was so life-altering, that they constantly searched for that same mind-blowing experience...hence the addiction. Everybody involved with these parasitic life-sucking men all ask the same question, "why do I love someone who hurts me so much?" Well, it is not a difficult answer...because you are addicted to the "high". And they are masters at creating that kind of "high". They can sweep you off your feet so fast, and love you so despirately that you barely have time to catch your breath! The abuse comes in small, insidious bursts at first. They count on that to keep you off balance. That way, THEY keep the upper hand. Nobody would stay around if they bit off your head, and squashed it on the first date! Write this down, it is all about CONTROL. Control of you, control of someone besides themselves, because they are so out of control. I will tell you one thing about this rollercoster, the highs will be higher than you have ever been, and your lows...well you get the jist. I have lived in this misery for years, and know the whole game. I know all the books, the terms for what they do...the "crazymaking", blaming, put-downs, accusing, screaming, yelling, spitting, withholding...you name it I have lived it. Just know this...it is NOT your fault. Never is. You are NOT responsible for their anger, nor how they choose to vent their anger. You are just caught up in a never-ending whirlwind that will not cease. Keep your feet firmly planted on the ground, and know that just because they say it, does not make it real. Keep in touch, and read some of Mandy's thoughts. She has very insightful advice. Good luck.

-- posted by legallyblonde

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