Abuse

» kiki21 - Hi everyone.

Hi everyone... I have been reading all your stories and can't believe the courage you have.... I am 5 months pregnant and have left a not only verbally but also physically abusive relationship for 3 months now... I'm am not coping well at all... I miss him like crazy and really need his love during this stage of my pregnancy. I was the strong soul which walked way and now I would do anything to have im back..... I really don't know why I feel like this......He has already moved on with another women and it kills me. I know that he is so wrong for me.... Please if anybody can help me deal with this situation or has some kind of advise plz let me know.

-- posted by kiki21

» Fantasia78 - Hi everyone.

In response to Hi everyone. posted by kiki21:

Hi Kiki,
Be strong and don't go back. He obviously doesn't care enough to try and work it out with you, so be strong. I would suggest going for councelling, they are there to help you, and they may have some good coping mechanisms. I'm not that strong yet, I haven't left or confronted him, but I'm working on it. There are many other men out there who will treat you right you just have to meet them. Also think of your baby, what kind of life will it have with a father like that. I wish you the best.

-- posted by Fantasia78

» mandy38 - Fantasia, Mandy38 here.

Fantasia, Mandy38 here. I keep listening to you give all this advice to other people and you still haven't done anything about yours? What gives? Sorry, but I can't help but think you are just making excuses to stay. Are you that afraid to confront this man? Wouldn't you rather get things in your life straightened out now unlike me who is pushing 40??????
You know what they say...put up or shut up. You are strong, you can do it on your own. You need to have answers NOW

-- posted by mandy38

» mandy38 - Hi Kiki21,

Hi Kiki21,

Well, I know you have been reading my stuff as well as everyone elses. I put up with control, mental abuse and verbal abuse for about 4 years now. Stupid me!!!
You do not need a man that abuses you in ANY WAY SHAPE OR FORM. I know you are having a tough time right now but it will get better. Remember something...Abuse isn't love!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You can do much better than that, I believe in you
Mandy38 or ober@inct.net email me sometime

-- posted by mandy38

» Fantasia78 - Fantasia, Mandy38 here.

In response to Fantasia, Mandy38 here. posted by mandy38:

I didn't think I had given out my opinion that much, if so and it was unapreciated I apologize, anyone can take it for what it's worth. Generally, when it isn't my life, my vision of what is exceptable is clearer. I do make excuses to delay the confrontation because I AM that scared. My posts don't begin to cover other things that have happened that I am not willing to share on a public forum even under a fake name. Currently in theraphy we are exploring why I have such a problem with him being angry with me, and why I have tolerated the things I have. I'm begining to see that I'm not just a doormat to him, but to alot of people in my life, it just is the worst with him. I do plan to do something about it, but that doesn't mean I can't take the time in advance to plan, and then proceed when I feel ready and strong enough, be that 2 weeks or 2 months down the road. Thank you for the faith you have in me, and I know I will stand up for myself.

-- posted by Fantasia78

» mandy38 - Fantasia-

Fantasia-

With not knowing all of your story and hearing only what you want to tell us I really understand. I just don't want you to not reply to us someday because you no longer exist. If he is hurting you physically....please get out now!!!!!!!!
There has to be family and friends or another means of support for you that can help.
I feel for you girl and I am here ANYTIME. Be Safe!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mandy38

-- posted by mandy38

» krcurl - Everyone

In response to Fantasia- posted by mandy38:
I am a young woman in my twenties and have not been in an abusive relationship but I have lived with one my whole life. For as long as I can remember my father has been abusing my mother. Always verbally and emotionally, and sometimes physically. My parents have not slept in the same room since I was 5 and I cant remember ever hearing my father say something genuinely kind to my mother. Every night my sister and I would sit up at the top of the stairs and listen to my parents fight over things most people would find trivial. Family outings would usually end up with my mother getting out of the car and walking home because she was humiliated. In the last year my mother has retired from a career in education and my father has semi-retired as a salesman. My mom has friends, daily activities and places to go. My father has no friends and refuses to do anything outside of the home other then drink coffee. He believes that since my mother no longer works she should stay in the house to clean and take care of him. My mom will not do that and I feel my fathers jelousy is spinning out of control. He believes that my mother is seeing other men and always needs to know where she is. He says its because he just wants to make sure she is safe, but I know that's a lie. He has always pushed my mother to the point of her walking away or leaving the house because he can be so verbally abusive towards her. He has always abused her, it's just much more obvious now. He is so jelous and controlling.

She cam to my work today (thought she just wanted to say hi) but she had to get away from him because he was out of control. He fought with her over some stew beef she had bought him to make soup tonight because it's his day off. He took it out of the fridge because it could drip blood over everything in teh drawer (it wasn't dripping) and then threw it in the sink and said he didn't want it. My mom went over to the sink, picked it up and threw it in the garbage. My father told her to take it out of the garbage because it will stink. When my mom sat back down in the living room, my dad picked up the garbage and threw the whole can at her. So she ran out, and left him to clean up his mess. When she was telling me what happened she was almost in tears, but she hides it pretty well. She told me there are so many things like this that she has hidden from my sister and I for years but she wont hide them anymore. She says she wants me to know so that I can understand and so that I have something to tell the police when she ends up dead one day (I can't believe she said that). This whole situation has just become so out of control. I am going to try to find her some help close by, maybe someone to talk to or find her somewhere to go when she is afraid. I am afraid for her because I can tell she is in so deep that she doesn't want to leave. It feels like she is just waiting out her days in that house.

I appologize if my writing is all over the map, but I have so much to say and I dont think it would all fit into this page.

I want you to know that there is life outside of the abuse, dont wait to find it until it is too late.

-- posted by krcurl

» sleepo - verbal abuse

This is my seventh year with my partner and up until last year i cuold not fault him. Since then every time I want to talk about a situation that is bothering me or that involves my daughter who is 16. every thing is blown up out of proportion. He always swears and shouts and throws things and tells me that I deserve to be in a relationship where i am beaten. That I am lucky he doesnt hit me like other men and that i am mrs bloody perfect etc... until I end up crying. he then always says he will leave and goes down the same road. he never does leave and then 24 hors later apologises and expects every thing to be alright. His outbursts have become more often and he has become more abusive.I was never afraid of him before but am having doubts now as he has changed so much. Please advise as this is becoming more and more distressing. I also have a 5 year old. i dont feel that he is being fair and am finding it harder and harder to forgive him.

-- posted by sleepo

» mandy38 - Wow!

Wow! After reading your story, have you ever thought of having a sit down with your dad and confronting the situation? I mean all of you? Maybe all of you can get through to him that this is inappropriate behavior and it won't be tolerated any longer or mom will have to leave. Change is hard for anyone. Trust me...I just left my husband. He too was a control freak. IT DOESN'T GET ANY BETTER. Especially when they are older. They are set in their ways and like I said...change is hard. Your mom needs to take drastic measures and get out of there (maybe just for awhile) until he can see the error of his ways. You certainly don't want to wait until she is no longer with you do you? I think all of you need to go through some counseling. Outsiders can help tremendously.
I'll pray that your mom makes the right choice.
Mandy38

-- posted by mandy38

» mandy38 - After reading your story, I just have one thing to say.

After reading your story, I just have one thing to say.....GET OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!
If a man is worth all this abuse, demoralizing us, controlling us, etc... Then we are just as sick as they are. Nobody should ever put their hands on you. Nor should you put your hands on anyone either. Your kids don't need to see this abuse. It's telling them, abuse is o.k. AND IT'S NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You are a mother, wife and someone's daughter and you deserve a million times better than what you have.
I just left my husband who verbally, mentally and sometimes physically abused me and for the first time in my life...
I can breathe deep and there's no daily drama to go home to. Just my two boys and myself. Some people thrive on drama and control. Those people are sick.
Please get help either from a friend or family or outsider. You are in my thoughts.
Mandy38

-- posted by mandy38