Abuse

» mandy38 - Fantasia-

Fantasia-

I haven't heard from you lately, whats goin on? How is your counseling going? I hope you are making progress in figuring out things. As long as all of you keep in mind that if you are trying to change your man or being patient and holding on to the hope that he'll change...you might want to re-think. You can't change a person. They have to change themselves. I too, waited and waited for my husband to change. Didn't happen. Kept hanging in there dealing with the abuse, hoping that someone, something, anything would change him into the person I wanted him to be. After being patient and holding on to lost hope, I gave up. He has tore my heart out and left me numb. But I will get better. I will make a new life for myself and for my kids...a better life. I wish you well.
Mandy38

-- posted by mandy38

» Fantasia78 - Fantasia-

In response to Fantasia- posted by mandy38:

Don't worry, I am not under the illusion I can change anyone, I am working on changing myself. Therapy is going well, and I am working up to confronting him with my concerns. I think my fear is somewhat irrational since I have never been physically touched, but the emotional head games are just as damaging, and do have a physical effect on me. I feel for the other people who have posted their stories. Sometimes I feel like I am going out with dr. jekyll and mr. hyde! Sometimes he acts so nice, in a manner that makes me so happy, and then he can turn around and be the angry tormentor so quickly. I am glad Mandy that you got out, and are managing. I will keep you posted on how things go.

-- posted by Fantasia78

» mandy38 - That is really good that you are doing this for yourself.

That is really good that you are doing this for yourself. You have to like what you see in the mirror every day before you can let someone else like you and accept you for who you are.
I am so shocked that you said the "Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde" thing. That is the same thing I dealt with every day. And when Mr. Nicey Nice was around, things were fantastic just as they are for you I'm sure. That is what is so hard to leave. You think "If they can just stay this way, then there's a chance" At least, I did.
He has been really good to me now. Letting me get what's mine and wanting to re-date and go out and all that. I told him we just need some time apart right now, which he doesn't completely understand but, in time he will. His perception is: Oh she must have found someone else. He is the type of person that needs constant reasurance that, that is NOT THE CASE. I am starting counseling tomorrow for myself too. Been there, done that. But maybe since I've taken such drastic measures now I will prevail in all this mess. I won't lie, I still love him very much. When times were good with him...they were amazing. But when they were bad, they were REALLY bad. I need to change my stance on thinking I can handle myself when he wants to go nose to nose with me. He doesn't necessarily hit me, he just likes to not back down and neither do I. Never got me anywhere.
I'm happy for you and you keep up the good work.
Mandy38

-- posted by mandy38

» Lisainpa02 - Dos it end?

I met a wonderful man over 2 years ago. he could not have treated me any better than he had. he is bipolar. I am also bipolar (mild case docs say), however doctors are saying that I may just have anxiety disorder. I had come from an abusive relationshp. My husband of 16 years was seeing other women and into some very strange sexual behavior is all I will say and I am not a prude. I refused to go along with such things as bringing another woman into the house to live with us. Back to my current relationship. I had found out that my current fiance' beat the heck out os his former fiance'; broke her ar, ribs, and clavicle. Bak in March he held me down on the bed very forcefully and hitme in the breast as he was holding me down. It left a terrible bruise. Then on May 31st, he got very upset with me, threw me down on the bed and head butted me twice on the forehead. It broke the bone between my forehead and my nose. I had been frinking and took a cruicifix and broke it in half. It was a cruicifix that meant something to him. i was feeling terrible over losing the baby I hd been pregnant with and finding out from him that he had been lying to me for several months about wanting a child. The nextday my entire face was black and blue.Of course he apologizied many times and told me it was because he had not been on his medicine. He promised to get anger control counseling. He never did. At least my foprmer husband never hit me. Anytime I want to talk he tells me to cut it. he says I talk too long and because of hisAdult ADHD he cannot concentrate because I talk too much. Then in our brand new home that had been totally redone he took a broom and put holes all over the family room ceiling. I made him angry he said. He tells me it is the way i make him react. I will say when he was on medicine he was different to an extent. He still yelled at me. Then he threw me on the bed. he bit my breast. Another wonderful bruise. I had a lump a bit later and went for a mammogram. They truly thought it was cancer. here it was from the injuries to my breast. A fat necrosis and something else. Due to the biopses, I have developed a large lump, a hematom that keeps having to be drained. I am in constant pain. I thought this would really wake him up. last night he said something concerning my 16 year old who was downstairs, and I reassured him that she was not talking to him but to me, and she was. He is very paranoid due to his illness. because I was talking so loud, he grabbed me very hard and pulled me down and held me there. When he let me up, I said to him, noman is going to abuse me. He then punched me in the arm. It did nto leave a bruise but never the less he did it. I fellin love with this man. I feel as though I want to help him. believe me I am not a ditzy woman. I was vice president of a company before getting injured at work. he also has threatened to leave me many times before. I do not know what to do. Do i help him with his illness hoping that if he is on the correct medicine everything will be fine. The times in between these situations are not bad, except I cannot seem to talk about anything with him because i cause him stress he says. I guess I have answered this question myself haven't I? I have no money and no job right now. my ex-husband has offer4ed to move into the furnished basement and pay half of the bills. We have a 16 year old at home still. he never hit me at all, my ex-husband that is.he simply had weird sexual behaviors that i refused to go alonf=g with. I have been thinking seriously about his offer. There would not be any relationship just sharing of houseld chores and expenses. I do love my current fiance' but if the broken forehead bone and my breast surgery hasnot woke him up, I am afraid something really bad may happen. he like to throw things and break them as well. I feelso lonely. I love him with all of my heart and can't imagine why this has happened to me. I know I have to leave him or ask him to leave. This is actully my home that he moved into. lease is in mine and my ex-husband's name. he is on disability and sits all day on his computers. He is a computer genius and rebuilds computers. Cleaning the bedroom and family room two to three times a week is just too much work for him. He actually says that. I know what I have to do, it just hurts so bad. There is not a night that he does not hold me when we fallasleep, and he is a different man. I amjust going on and on so I will stop now.

-- posted by Lisainpa02

» Lisainpa02 - Fantasia-

In response to Fantasia- posted by Fantasia78:

That's how it all started for me. Dr. jeckyll and mr. hyde. He could be so loving yet his verbal abuse and lack of love at times were a warning signal wo what I am experiencing now.

-- posted by Lisainpa02

» Lisainpa02 - verbal abuse

In response to verbal abuse posted by sleepo:

My fiance' is always threatening to leave me and it has caused me such insecurity. I should have let him leave 3 weeks ago when he packed his bags and called me to tell me he left. of course I cried and begged him not to go. he came back, apologizied and told me he had paranoid thoughts due to his meantal illness of bipolar, although I think he is schizo and not bipolar. If you read my other post youwill see that he became physically violent. that was after the verbal abuse. Be careful. Also, verbal abuse can be just as damaging as physical abuse.

-- posted by Lisainpa02

» Unsure2006 - I need someones opinion

Well I have been with this guy for almost 5 years and married for three we have a child. The past year that we have been together we get into these fights and he gets physically abusive to me, although he claims he is doing this in self defensie (sp)although I have never been the one to start the hitting, today he came after me and choked me while yelling in my face that I was crazy and stupid, he has slammed my head into the door and punched me numerous times in the face and when I bring these things up to him he tells me that I deserve it and I was the one who started the fight. Everytime we get into fights even if he does not get physical he tells me I am crazy, stupid and etc...I really want to tell someone but I don't think anyone will be believe me because to our families and friends we appear to be the perfect couple as they say. Everytime I threaten to tell someone or call the cops he tells me that they will not believe me because I have hit him back to get away from him, he tells me that I will never get to see my child again because it is all my fault.I just would like some advice from someone is he right, I want to leave but I do not want to lose my child, please give me some advice! Thank you!

-- posted by Unsure2006

» Fantasia78 - Unsure 2006

In response to I need someones opinion posted by Unsure2006:

I haven't delt with the same types of things you describe in your post, but I feel for you, and will share something my therapist keeps telling me. You are not responsible for other peoples actions, that is there choice. Mandy also says this numerous times in the previous posts. You do not deserve physical abuse, and even if you started the argument, you still don't deserve it. Him telling you no one will believe you is a head game. If you worry about that, take pictures of the things he does to you for proof, I'm sure your family loves you and woulnd't think you made something so serious up. I'm not an expert in this, and this is only my opinion, but he is using your fear of loosing your child as a ball and chain to control you. Is there a woman's shelter, or therapist you can turn to for support? Having someone in your corner will really help.

-- posted by Fantasia78

» Fantasia78 - verbal abuse

In response to verbal abuse posted by Lisainpa02:

After reading your post, I'm genuinely concerned for your well being. I broke my clavical bone falling off a horse about 1 1/2 ago. The amount of force that was required was pretty great, so if he could do that to his ex fiance, he's a very strong man. It sounds like he has really hurt you, and these situations happen to the best of us, I also have a good career, and I'm sure knowbody at work would ever of thought I"d put up with any of the crap I have. Also, would your boyfriend get jealous with your ex-husband living in the basement? That could be a train wreck waiting to happen, or maybe it would be better if he would come to your aid. Do you have any family or friends you can talk to, or a professional? Based on what you have posted, I really fear for your safety, and agree with you that you must leave, but I undertand it's much easier said then done.

-- posted by Fantasia78

» mandy38 - I just have to say that you need to get as far away from this ma

I just have to say that you need to get as far away from this man as you can. I have said it before, nobody deserves to be beaten and threatened. You have fallen into a pattern of abusive relationships and you need to change that. So if you are asking for advice, GET AWAY FROM HIM. He is obviously not right in the head. I know you love him but you have to ask yourself...do you have more bad days than you do good? If you do then "HELLO"
No man should ever put his hands on you and you should never put your hands on a man. Broken bones, physical abuse and verbal abuse are serious and if you don't get away from him he's going to wind up killing you. Would that make your family and friends happy???? I don't think so. You are precious to so many people. Reach out and get their help.
Hugs-
Mandy38

-- posted by mandy38