Abuse

» meto44 - verbal and emotional abuse ????? Needing support

Hello,
It seems every day, I find myself more and more confused about abuse issues. I re-uninted with my ex-husband early this yr.He was abusive before,verbally, emotionally and physically. I thought it was primarily do to his alcohol abuse. He claims to be sober now.In Nov.he was diagnosed with rectal cancer, but it is treatable and his diagnosis for recovery is good. He has become so angry since this diagnosis. His verbal and emotional abuse, has become increasingly worse every day, but he hasn't physically abused me. I promised him I would stand by him, no matter what, we would get through this cancer together. However, his anger, has reached such an intensity,no matter what I do, he twists and turns his convulted anger at me.False accusations, conversation that makes no sense. He is so miserable and mean.I have made him leave several times, because of it, only to cave in again and try to fix things. Two days ago, during a tyranical phone conversation, I said "I don't want to help you anymore".
Last night, I tried, once again, to reason,accomodate,reassure, etc. etc. but, to no success. I have become verbally abusive back and my anger is no better than his. I feel such guilt, in saying I can't help anymore.My patience is gone. Then I re-think, calm down, and try again. I am afraid, that if we try to make something work, because of his refusal to acknowledge or seek help, it may turn a bad situation into a catastrophic situation. I keep trying, to communicate with him and it turns ugly everytime. I care about him, his health and wanted so desperately to see him through this. The AA's book,(chapter on wives), seems to indicate, I should ignore his anger,stand by, support him and patiently and kindly help him any way I possibly can. He blames me so much, for things that do not even occur. He is even more angry, since I said "I do want to help you anymore", his rage has intensified.I tried to explain why I said that. I told him, his constant abuse was turning me away from him, not to him. He refuses to see how I feel.I understand his feelings of betrayal and fear of being alone.We are so toxic together, and the fear of more damage being done, keeps me again, at arm's bay.Last night he "damanded" I say I was sorry. I said I'll say, "I apologize", but do not demand me. What should I do? I feel desperate for answers. My therapist says, stay away from him.
Thank you,
Anne

-- posted by meto44