Abuse

» mandy38 - Unsure2006-

Unsure2006-
This man is playing head games with you. I agree with Fantasia, take pictures of your bruises and there's your proof. If you let him control you mentally, which he will do, shame on you. I wish women would understand that they are precious and should be loved and cherished. Do you think him beating you whether he is sick or not is LOVE???? It's not sweetie.
Pack his bags and send him on his way. You deserve to be treated with respect and dignity. Not beaten down like a dog. Women need to understand that they don't have to HAVE A MAN TO COMPLETE THEIR LIFE. Please get away from him. Please tell yourself, you can and will do better than this.
And always remember this, if less is what you want in life...less is what you will have.
Go find Mr. Right.
I'll pray that you do the right thing.

Mandy38

-- posted by mandy38

» he_dont_own_me - I need someones opinion

In response to I need someones opinion posted by Unsure2006:

Hi unsure,
If you are like most of us, you can tell when he walks in the door what kind of day or evening you are going to have. He is an EXPERT at manipulation and EXPERT at putting the blame on you. He is problaby very good at provoking you through "Abuse Speak" where you actually do feel like pulling his hair out. --Call the cops. --Stop the enabling---
He is going to beat your ass whenever he feels like it--because he can---
FORGET WHAT THE NEIGHBORS THINK! Forget about your outside image. People will begin to see that you are changing. I did. I thought I was fooling everybody. That was me justifying staying with him.
Don't let him use your child to keep you in his sick world, Because guess what,
that sweet little baby is next. I am not trying to scare you, this is real dysfunction that you have not been trained to deal with. Get counseling, go to your parents, if you are really desperate go to a shelter or email me
linda@thejeanslady.com Good luck, be brave, you are NOT alone in this. (I guarantee the police have seen men like him every day of their shifts. Don't be ashamed. He needs counseling. Linda

-- posted by he_dont_own_me

» he_dont_own_me - Fantasia-

In response to Fantasia- posted by Lisainpa02:

It really stinks when you love somebody and they treat you horribly. HOWEVER,
You know what needs to be done. Love yourself AND YOUR 16 YEAR OLD MORE!! Kick
his ass out and require him to get Therapy and a change of medication. He is not a well man, and you are not capable (or trained)of helping him. He sounds like his ADHD is a subset of other more major issues. Read an article about the characteristics of an abused person.(meaning you) I know I sound harsh, but I have been where you are and, IT ONLY GETS WORSE! You are also teaching your 16 year old that it is ok to be abused or it is ok to abuse other people. You can do it! Girlfriend, go get some therapy, call a hotline, see a priest, preacher, school counselor. You can do this. Then, guess what? you can look back on these years with some good advice for others who are walking in your moccasins. good luck, and don't be afraid anymore.

-- posted by he_dont_own_me

» XvavitarvX - dont know what to do

Hello, i recently married my wife about 7 or so months ago. things were going well until her 6th month of pregnancy. now i dont know if its hormones or what but she is always telling me that everything is my fault, even telling me that our marriage failing is my fault. but recently we get into verbal bouts and she keeps getting violent. i was raised well to NEVER put my hands on a woman and it has been one of my best morals i like to live by. but here is where i am confused. what did i do to deserve to be punched and slapped. the most i ever did was slap her arm out of the way when she went to hit me, that seemed to send her into an even bigger rage and now im totally lost. what can i do to make it stop..ive told her i wont subject myself to this type of abuse. but what do i do? can anyone help me?

-- posted by XvavitarvX

» mandy38 - dont know what to do

In response to dont know what to do posted by XvavitarvX:

Wow!!!! Sounds like the hormones are out of control. I am glad to hear you say you have been taught to NEVER put your hands on anyone because that is true. And she should do the same...pregnant or not. Not all hormone related. Sounds like a past issue too. You need to let her know that it takes two to argue so if the verbal and physical abuse starts the best thing you can do is WALK AWAY. If you give her someone to argue with then there you go. Can you argue with yourself??? I don't think so. She needs to keep her hands to herself and needs to realize that, that is not the answer and that maybe she needs to see someone for this behavior. Does your family know about this? Does her family know about this?
Remember, walk away from violence of any kind. Violence leads to more violence.
Bite your tongue and WALK AWAY. Come back and discuss the issue when you think you both can talk like adults to each other. Tell her you love her and you want to help her but you will not tolerate physical or verbal abuse OF ANY KIND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mandy38

-- posted by mandy38

» Girlof15 - Is this even abuse or just a parent being a parent?

My stepdad always seems to yell at me about the tiniest things. He yelled at me today for example when all I did was answer his question his response to my answer was : " F word you to ", then he has before called me a b word. He also states teens my age dont get privacy and therefor will not let me lock or shut my door I am only allowed to shut my door if I am changing but not allowed to lock it, he has yelled at me a series of times and I can present many situations that were the worst. But am I being abused verbally? or is this just him being a parent?

-- posted by Girlof15

» mandy38 - Is this even abuse or just a parent being a parent?

In response to Is this even abuse or just a parent being a parent? posted by Girlof15:

Girlof15-

No he does not have to cuss at you to get his point across to you my dear. Ask him about it and tell your mom.
If he can't speak to you without cussing at you, something is wrong. Let him know this hurts you and you don't find it tolerable. As far as the other things go...have you given them reason not to trust you? I realize you are a teen and teens can be hard to handle...have one myself. Do what is expected of you, don't lie to your parents and ask questions if you have them.
But, as far as being cussed at...thats not acceptable for a 15 year old to hear.
Talk to them and things may change.
Mandy38

-- posted by mandy38

» ajmsoul - Is this even abuse or just a parent being a parent?

In response to Is this even abuse or just a parent being a parent? posted by Girlof15:

Hi Girlof15,

What you describe your stepdad doing is verbal abuse as far as his yelling, swearing, and name-calling go - this is actually also emotional abuse.

As far as him stating that you don't "get" privacy, in other words he's really saying he won't let you have any privacy this is abusive because he is taking away your right to privacy and being too controlling.

What you describe is not just him being a parent. Have you talked this over with your mother?

A.J.

-- posted by ajmsoul

» ajmsoul - I need someones opinion

In response to I need someones opinion posted by Unsure2006:

Hi Unsure,

I have just been the writer for this topic for a couple of weeks now so I am late to this thread here.

I wanted to say to you, however, that you there is no excuse, rationalization or justification for anyone every hitting someone else. He is wrong.

You need to tell someone, if you haven't already. You need to get professional help and when you say to him that you will phone the cops you need to follow through and do just that,
if you haven't already.

Your fears, that others won't believe you or that you will lose your chlid, are very real for you. But don't let those fears hold you back from taking care of yourself and your child and getting out of that abusive situation. You do not deserve to be abused.

I hope, if you haven't already, that you will leave and tell someone and get professional help. He is NOT going to stop what he is doing - especially not since he is getting away with it. He needs help.

I hope you are or will take care of yourself.

A.J.

-- posted by ajmsoul

» ajmsoul - dont know what to do

In response to dont know what to do posted by XvavitarvX:

Hi XvavitarvX,

Sorry I am late here again, but I wasn't writing for this topic when you first posted.

The first thing I would suggest is that you go to a doctor with your wife to find out if her abusive behaviour has anything to do with hormones or not. And, you need to set a boundary and let her know that what she is doing is not alright and that if it continues you will have to leave (physically). You may want to think about professional help if there is no physical answer or help from a medical doctor after you check that out.

You may be dealing with someone with a personality disorder. It is quite possible that her increased violence, changes in moods, etc may be made worse by hormones but caused by a personality disorder.

It is not uncommon for people to get married, or move-in together and then as they really get to know someone find out that they have these types of issues that are driven by mental illness.

Take your situation seriously and it might not be wise to park the problem or reason for her actions on hormones until or unless you actually find that out for sure, in which case, there should be some treatment for her to help her manage her emotional difficulties.

Hormones or not she doesn't have any right to abuse you. Even a physical or mental illness is not a reason or excuse to abuse anyone.

Take care,
A.J.

-- posted by ajmsoul