Abuse

» somuchmore - whats wrong with me...why am i stuck????

wow...this is crazy. i can relate to so many things you all are saying. I just told my bf of a year and a half that its over - that im done with this relationship because he is constantly verbally abusive and critical of me.

he called me stupid and retard again, and i just blurted it out - its over. It's not that i regret it, but i am sad, and i dont know what to do. I know he wont change unless he realizes one day with deep remorse how wrong his abuse is. I know i will wake up tomorrow and miss him desperately - but i cannot keep living like this.

he has anger issues. he has never been physically abusive, but he is definately verbally and emotionally abusive. I have never had this type of treatment from any of my past bf's - and i have amazing friends and family. His family seems semi-normal as well and as far as i know - there is no abuse in his past...

we were friends first- i wasnt even into him...then i started to like him. he was great for the most part during this time. first couple months we dated were amazing...ever since then it has been one fight after another - with swearing, yelling, putdowns, belittling....and yet i still love this person...but i know i deserve so much better....

i guess i just need support. i know its stupid to try and change someone. we are both religious (diff. christian denominations) and i thought that maybe God could change him - only God....but I guess he has to be willing and humble to be changed - he constantly points the blame at me...i know im not perfect and have done things to hurt him too - but i know it doesnt justify him calling me names. i just wish he could talk normally without yelling or swearing. several times i have had to plug my ears because it is so loud.

my family and friends all want me to dump him on his ass. their approval and opinions are very important to me. i value them highly. My dad told me back in August that he prayed i would not go back to him(we broke up a couple times before)...but i did....

his brother died a few months ago (twin) and i was totally there for him - at the hospital every single day - even though i am near the end of my degree and had homework coming out of my ying yang. but he belittled me and says i make things worse for him. says if his brother was still here he would be hangin out with him and not going out with me...thanks...i feel awesome...he has said so many horrible cruel things to me. things i never thought i would ever put up with...but for some reason i have...and i know deep down i still want things to work out. i guess i would make excuses for him because he lost his brother. the abuse really escalated around this time...but the thing is....horrible tragic things happen all the time to ppl - and they dont all go around yelling, swearing and name calling.

the only thing he has not made fun of is my looks. that is the thing...i am young, on the brink of an excellent career, live on my own, basically im set...and i dont need this guy...why am i so stuck.....why is it so hard to leave...its like i have become desensitized to what he has done...so willing to forget the bad....but i know i cannot be with a person like this as a marriage partner....i am already suffering with tension headaches, cancelling shifts at work, and battling depression....and this isnt even marriage...

sorry, so long..thanks for listening...glad you all can understand. please pray.

-- posted by somuchmore