Abuse

» chica73 - how do you heal from abuse..

I am trying to figure out how or where do I began to heal from 9 years of a physical, emotional and verbal abusive relationship. I was in counseling for 2 years.. just to get the strength to leave. Well now I have left and this is very hard! What do I do now. I have 2 kids with my husband and he get them every other week. I feel like he is still getting to me. He now is in counseling and admitting he was abusive and wants to get back together right away!! right now! he has only been going to counseling for 3 weeks and we have been seperated for 60 days. I feel like I still continually get sucked in by his games and words still. I miss my kids deeply when they are with him and at times it seems the throws that in my face. I Know I should be happy to not be with him and in the depth of my heart I feel FREE!!!! but then there are days like this one where I just want to bury my head in a pillow and cry!! Why is the pain still in my heart!! How do I get rid of the pain!!! Please help me!! How do I heal!! How do I stop feeling guilty??

-- posted by chica73

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» ajmsoul - how do you heal from abuse..

In response to how do you heal from abuse.. posted by chica73:

Hi chica73,

First of all, good for you that you sought help and got help and were able to leave. That's a major thing and it takes strength and courage.

Even when we know we have to end a relationship that is abusive it doesn't mean that we won't hurt for losing someone that we cared about and that we had hopes would love us back in healthy ways.

It may be a good idea for you to continue in counselling yourself to make sure that you have support and a safe place to process everything.

Each person has to decide for themselves what they want and need but I feel that I need to say to you, right now is likely not a time to make any decisions.

You left for important and valid reasons.
When we don't know what to do, it's best not to do anything - meaning, just leave things as they are and let the dust settle.

It would be unwise for you, right now, to get back with someone who was abusive and in spite of admitting that and getting help, has just begun his own process as well.

You need to work to accept and cope with your pain right now and to be there for your kids and help them with whatever issues they need to work through too.

Let there be time to heal.

Healing is a process and I urge you to get some more professional help and support. There is nothing wrong with wanting to or needing to put your head in a pillow and cry.

You hurt. Honour your hurt, express it in a healthy way by crying.

I really hope that you will get some more professional help because you will benefit from exploring how you were treated in your relationship and from looking at your own issues (though the abuse is NOT your fault) because you do not want to continue to perpetuate this pattern in your life or the lives of your kids.

Hold the boundary that you've set in terms of not being with this person right now and know that much of what you
feel is natural to feel.

I am sure it is very painful to miss your kids when they are with their father. What can you do for you every other week that will help you to begin to feel better about you, your choices, and your right to be free without feeling guilty?

Explore that. And know that as you continue to grieve time is on your side. It will get more manageable.

Take care,
A.J.

-- posted by ajmsoul

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