Abuse

» CaringConfused - I want to prevent this from happening to someone else

Little did I know but my first bout of discrimination was when I started a job as a temporary position with this company back in the year 2000. I eventually found a permanent job and therefore had to leave this temporary position. It was my last day working at his company and I wanted to send an email to everyone in the office to tell them goodbye because it was my last day. My email stated that this job was one of the best jobs that I have had......he replied "what do you mean one of the best jobs"? I then replied back directly to him "oh, I'm sorry Dave, I meant this was the best job that I have ever had". I said that just to appease him because he was the CEO of the company and I did not want to make waves. That was my first and biggest mistakes in dealing with him. He then came over to my work station and said "I wonder how many guys you have told were your best". I was offended but again I brushed it off because I did not want to make waves....believe it or not, at that time I was thinking that they may hire me permanently and I did not want to take a chance and do anything that would sway them differently.

Well, the permanent job did not work out due to a lot of cussing made by yet another senior personnel of the company. I made waves on this because I felt this was not a professional way to behave at a place of business for someone of a senior tenure. In hindsight I wonder why it took so long for me to see what a jerk of a person the CEO was at the company that I am filing a discrimation case against presently. Why? Perhaps it's because I was always a person who was passive but if pushed in the corner I'd come out fighting although I often took a lot of crap from people, if you challenged my integrity on the workplace you'd then have to answer to me. I guess to have a CEO joking with me made me feel a little important but that type of joking is really not a way to feel important and I should have known better. From day one the CEO of this company made a point to degrade and humiliate me in front of my co-workers. I was often called names, and was made to look like I was nothing but I always laughed when this was done and I believe that was because I wanted to go with the flow and be his buddy and not challenge him or ruffle his feathers because then he would probably make it worse.

I often wondered if it was because I was a black woman who was not afraid to show off her curves and sexuality. I thought perhaps he thought that I was easy or loose because I did not dress modest. I still rebelled and continued to dress in the same manner because I did not want any man to make me feel ashamed of my sexuality. In essence I have learned that you will receive more respect in the workplace when you dress appropriately. This was a costly lesson to learn but it has helped to make me stronger and has helped me become a better person. Don't get me wrong I am disappointed and a bit angry about this lesson that I learned because to me it't what's on the inside that counts and people should not be judged by the clothes that they wear, but human nature is a mother smother and I just have to learn how to deal with the knuckle heads of the world.

I remember one office-wide meeting we had regarding our 401K plan and how our PA, NY, CA and OH offices were all on a conference call and the CEO made a reference to people getting older and how they needed to plan for their retirement. He then called out my name and said that I am one step away from being in a nursing home. By the way, this was recorded but I guess it did not matter to him. He was hell bent on embarassing me and putting me down and he did not care who was present. I was embarassed but I played along and laughed along with everyone about his comment. I often wished that I had said something to him privately about how he likes to put me down in front of folks and how that made me feel but I never had the guts to confront him about it. How I wished that I had because it would have definitely never got to this point. No, I did not want to take this route and report this man....I foolishly thought of him as a friend. Wishful thinking. Now I know that I have to bring this out in the open for the next woman or man who may experience this. I don't want anyone to have to go through this painful ordeal. It robs you of your self-respect and your self esteem. It makes you feel so little and as if you don't deserve any respect from anyone who is above you in stature on your job. It makes you feel like something is wrong with you and that the person who is belittling you
is God and you deserve to be talked to in this manner. Oh how I wished that I had put him in his place. I could have said so many things to make him feel small but believe it or not I did not want to hurt his feelings. I mean this man was a little skinny dweebish looking man and I could have had a field day making smart remarks back at him but I also did not want to stoop to his level and I did not want retaliation from him of which I'm sure he could really sock it to me.

All in all I have been called old on many many occasions, I've been called a ho, a slut, trailer trash, told that I probably had diseases but I stayed on this job for 4 years and I finally opened my eyes and saw that this person was really a jerk. Why did it take so long? I believed that he was my friend and that he liked me as a person even through all of the name calling. What a fool I was....A BIG FOOL!!

What can I now do about this to prevent this from happening to someone else and to also let him know that he just can't treat women that way? I have resigned a few days ago because this job was affecting my health and I just couldn't take it any more.

-- posted by CaringConfused

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» ajmsoul - I want to prevent this from happening to someone else

In response to I want to prevent this from happening to someone else posted by CaringConfused:

Hi there,

Thanks for sharing this, it is very courageous of you. I hope that you can stop being hard on yourself and celebrate that you came to understand that friends don't act that way or treat someone that way and that the head of a company or boss does not have the right to abuse or belittle you or anyone else.

It seems to me that you may have a cause for action if you decide to follow up with that company about this man's behaviour.

The clothes a woman wears do not give a man the right to treat her in any abusive, demeaning and/or sexually harrassing way.

Each one of does have to take care of ourselves. I think that you have done a service to others by posting your experience and thoughts here.

Take care,
A.J.

-- posted by ajmsoul

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» CaringConfused - I want to prevent this from happening to someone else

In response to I want to prevent this from happening to someone else posted by ajmsoul:
Thank you A.J. I'm trying my best to heal over this verbal abuse that I endured for several years by writing about it. Not only does it truly helps to get it out in the open but it will also help others to see that they should not stand for this and that no matter how afraid they may be of retribution from the abuser, it is their responsibility to let the abuser know that this type of behavior is not appropriate....even if it is a CEO!! This CEO is a partner of Comcast and Time Warner and for him to risk his company's reputation by doing this to me was just plain stupid on his part. I guess he felt as though I was too stupid or weak to go against him and in the begining that was true but now I feel a sense of freedom and power now that I am away from this company and I want to use this strength and power that I suddenly have within me to help others. Remember everyone, one person can really make a difference and one person can perhaps set a precedence to fight against workplace verbal abuse.

-- posted by CaringConfused

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» ajmsoul - I want to prevent this from happening to someone else

In response to I want to prevent this from happening to someone else posted by CaringConfused:

I am glad to read that you are now feeling empowered. There's a great lesson in there for others. By setting boundaries and taking care of ourselves - which often means getting out of any situation where abuse is being perpetrated against us, we can do empower ourselves.

Remember, that as you help others, you need to put some of that energy into yourself and into taking care of yourself.

As you said in your last post, prior to this one, no job is worth one's self-esteem, emotional, mental, and/or physical health.

I am glad you posted here and that you want to help others. Helping others is often a way to help ourselves also.

Take care,
A.J.

-- posted by ajmsoul

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