Abuse

» ConfusedMom2006 - Re:Emotional and Verbal Abuse by my husband.

Hi! how are you all? I could be better. I am a mother of 5 only 1 lives with me whom is a 2 year old. I have been with this man whom is 40 since 1999 and we have been married only 2 months. I and he argue a lot and have not a lot in common. I have to live with this day in and day out. He puts me down about finances, my weight and I am mildly plum he is thinner. We have argued to to point a couple of times where things are thrown around the room. Softer things. We do not hit or punch or shove each other. But verbal and emotional abuse is consuming us. We argue about every 2 weeks. I have only my mother,sister and 18 year old daughter 24 miles away, my sister and I cannot live together. All my other family is in Maine. I have a cousin in Washington state. I am in Oregon. I do not feel like I am in love with this person anymore I live with and we stress out daily. I have been told to leave him and move on by everyone I have talked to about this. I want the best for me and my son. I cannot live with stress anymore. I am depressed, I have P.T.S.D and may have Bipolar and not know it. I was abused Physically,emotionally,verbally by a past boyfriend whom also has 3 of my boys, half indian. Their father drank and did drugs. Not the guy I am with. I have not seen my other boys since 10 years ago. I have no where to stay and I just want to be happy. I want someone to love me for me. I do not see this in my husband. I have lived in fear most of my life and still cannot let go of wondering if my ex will find me and hurt me. Has anyone or IS anyone going through this? What advice can you give me. I am done with ANY type of abusive relationships and do not know where to turn. I have not been able to even find work for 3 years I am sure it is because of the depression.

Thank You.

Tina

-- posted by ConfusedMom2006

» stress30 - need someone to talk to

Hi, I luckily found this site a few weeks ago when things were bad, and then they were good and now they are bad and each time gets worse and I get further and further to actually contemplating actually leaving. Fantasia-it is freaking scary everything you have said, I swear to God you and I must be with the same man. Especially the part about how good he is with logic and manipulation, it is as though you believe you actually did soemthing when you didn't. I have been married for 1 year and a half and have one 1yr old son with him and another on the way (7 mos pregnant now). I have been going through an emotional verbal, emotional, mental abuse roller coaster with some physical in between. I wouldn't know where to begin other than I'm losing my mind with him and he is complelty unreasonable and don't know what to do. He is harrasing me at work with texxt messages, telling me tongiht that he now deleted all pictures of our son off of our computer, (there aresome of them i have not made cds of yet including his 1 yr birthday and recent surgery), threw away all my underwear ! Sounds funny but it's true, of course he left the ones i had before him, which there aren't any. Anyway, the house is in my name, all my stuff, he has been very destructive in teh past and still is now, he thew away every card he ever got me during fights, threw away alot of keepsakes, burnt furniture the beginning of this year. Alcholic but he denies this of course and of course thinks all this is my fault because i have had so many boyfriends in the past (7 total) as opposed to his 50? If I leave, he will destroy everything in the house, i believe, he won't leave, what do I do???????? I cannot take this, he already had a wife and a kid which he does not see, he told me if I leave, he will never see the kids again, I also feel bad because if I did that, I would somehow be the cause of him not seeing 3 of his kids. He blames me for not seeing his first one due to money we didn't have to pay ehr child support. I need serious hellp, I can't talk to my family, they have already been threw 2 blowups requiring me to stay with them twice, if it happened again, that would be it and i dont' know, I want to do this with the least amount of drama possible. Can i legally change the locks? Even if i did he would probably kick the back door in. which he has done. You guys please help. I need continuous support, I feel likeyou guys know exactly what I am dealing with and I would like to tell you guys things as they are happening so I do not feel alone and like it is my fault. Please thanks.

-- posted by stress30

» stress30 - another

Hey, I could totally relet to fantasia and mandy's stories and then i read more and found out how many there are like that. Dr. Jekle and Mr. Hyde is classic, what is wrong with these men, are they bipolar, because i have thought that in the past many times, even tried to get him to see a psychiatrist,(took meds for a month and decided he didn't nee dthem of course). When he's sweet ,it is great, when he's not , he is a monster. I am losing it.

P.S. I wrote these last two posts a few weeks ago for Fantasia and Mandy38 because their stories were so similiar to mine and haven't heard from anyhone so I thought I would post over here,

-- posted by stress30

» iamback - need someone to talk to

In response to need someone to talk to posted by stress30:

Dear Stressed,

I won't insult you by telling you I know how you feel. But I have been stressed as well and found this website to be a blessing as well on May 1, 2006. I remember the date so well, because it was the date the police removed my husband from our home. Over an eleven year marriage and two years prior to when we were married I watched him go from pointing his finger at me across the room to standing 3 mm away from my face with both fists clenched by his side screaming and ranting "You have an anger management problem!" As I type this statement it is earily amusing -- but I was afraid he was going to hit me. My husband was actually postering to fight, he was trying to do everything he could to force me into putting my hands on him -- if only to steady myself or to put some distance between the two of us so that I wasn't being closed in. I clearly heard God tell me do not touch him three times, I am convinced had I -- he would have beat the taste out of me and then convinced me that I had attacked him. You can't win with a person who is determined to use whatever means necessary to maintain control. I would never think to tell you what to do, but I do hope that you are in a safe place or that you have some where safe to go should the need arise. Take care of yourself and your children. Last thing, I was so relieved to find out that I wasn't the only person who had experienced verbal abuse, just knowing that there were others who had endured the same kind of treatment helped me decide what I needed to do for myself.
By the way..., it's not your fault.

-- posted by iamback

» jovi328 - Confused

Over our past 10 years of marriage ,we have had our ups and downs.I have always been called a lunatic by my husband.During our fights he always tells me that there is no reasoning with me and that I make no sense.He tells me that if I choose to leave this marriage if I am going to go live with mommy and daddy and have them protect me.He has also said that I could never get paid a job as much as he does and that no other man will ever put up with me.I usually just breakdown as he puts me down by screaming and yelling. at the top of his lungs.He doesn't care to do it in front of our children.He is a great man but it seems that everything makes him angry and I seem to walk on eggshells with him.Recently I got so upset with him and he attacked me physically.He was so upset due to the fact that his sister died due to domestic violence.He swore he would never do it and is feeling bad.I said take this as a positive and go get help.He also drinks excessively but has always denied having a problem.Recently he told me he just didn't want to give me the satisfaction of knowing he has trouble with it.Right now I am confused.I did lay my hands on him first and have done it before because I can't deal with the pain of his words.I don't know whether its ok to justify his actions.At this time he has told me to leave but I feel that I can't make it on my own.I just want him to get help and make this work for everybodys sake.I love him so much that I feel I am not giving him a chance if I leave and he gets help but he still denies help with alcohol.My husband was abused physically by his stepfather and so I feel he needs to talk about it.He builds up anger from every fight we have been through and never lets the issues go.He is always on the defensive.At this time we are separated within the same house but together and friendly while the kids are awake awaiting his help.My question is should I stay and give him a chance and is this really a case of emotional abuse.

-- posted by jovi328

» aschultzagain - My sons stepmother

My ex husband and I have joint custody of our 6 yr old son and my son told me something today that really shook me up. He stated that when he was at his fathers house last week and his father was at work, he was being cared for by his stepmother, who also runs a day care. He told me that he told his stepmother he wanted to come to my house. He then said she told him that "when he was a baby his mother did not want him and that she rocked him when he was a baby". He told me that he started crying and then she told him to take off the clothes they bought him and walk to my house. He stayed there with her because he said "he didn't think she was serious". He stated she was yelling really loud when she said this. I think this is abuse and I think I am going to persue this but I am afraid that if he has to go back to his fathers it will get worse! Any thoughts?

-- posted by aschultzagain