Abuse

» iamback - Recognizing I was in verbally abusive relationship

I am currently separated from my husband of eleven years and have filed for divorce. I began recognizing that things weren't right from the beginning, but could never quite figure out what was going on. As his "courteous" insults became more acute I became aware that he was showing a type of love hate response towards me. This realization helped me begin to see patterns of behavior that almost always surprised me when they were expressed. As I look back on many of the statements that my husband used to control me, I am amazed that anyone would choose say and do what he consistently did to me. I use to tell myself that he didn't understand how much he caused negative reactions in me, but now I believe differently -- I believe he knew exactly what he was doing, which is why he used "specialized" tactics to make me comply with his sneaky - covert verbally abuse episodes. I have read three of Patricia Evans' books on verbal abuse and I literally talk and even scream out loud "Oh my God, he did this to me too!" I am just coming back to myself. My husband underminded relationships with my sister and my friends, surprisingly he was unable to manipulate my brother. I was shocked and hurt to the core to learn about all of the many things he has done and continues to do to hang on to his need for control. He didn't work for 2 and 1/2 years and I actually believed he was doing everything he could to find a job -- funny after having him removed from our family home he found a job in under a week. I can't believe that I was so controlled and didn't even have a clue. I am an intelligent woman, have tremendous insight into people, but I sure did miss this one -- big time. For the first time in years, I am going places and doing things that I have always wanted to do. God has been so good to me, because I have virtually restored all of my strained relationships -- what a blessing and a gift. Often times you don't get a second chance in relationships -- praise God for his grace and mercy in my life. I have a long way to go to achieve complete recovery, if that is even possible, but I am determined to learn whatever lessons I need to learn from this experience.

-- posted by iamback