Abuse

» angelrain - unbelievable

In response to unbelievable posted by iamback:
Hi everyone:
This is the first time I have ever written on any site like this.
But I have been marveling at the similarities within the accounts of each separate relationship.
I have been struggling for these last 6 months, to figure out, or maybe find my way out of a relationship of 28 years (four amazing children) due to a person that my husband still swears is nothing more than a business partner/friend.
I knew 21 years ago that it was more than a bus./friendhip,
as there were numerous lies involved, etc. but each time
I would confront him, he would dismiss the issue putting the blame on my jealousy, etc.
At the time his whole family confronted him, (Christian values -I am a believer also )
and he told them they were crazy and that there was not a problem.
At would like to add here that I am definitely NOT the jealous type, but he would literally spend 18 hours a day with this woman, and so I did on numerous occasions ask him curtail this involvement. The demands rang on deaf ears. At that point I (I am currently reflecting on the reasons for this) I think I knew that the relationship was not going to "go away" and I allowed her to become a part of our family, and embraced her as a friend.
Over the course of the 21 years, we would have moments
where there might be an altercation, and repeatedly my husband would support her position, on whatever matter (now I see these as situations she may have used to gain a clearer understanding of where his loyalities were.
One underlying thread that I see within these strands
is the denial that is perpetrated by the abuser.
There were actual occasions, where both my husband, the OP and myself had found them with there arms around each other, had a traumatic fight, (which I stuffed maybe from the trauma for years) and now he simply "doesn't recall" the event.
Because of some recent occurrences which were so "in you r face" i have decided to seek counsel, and to begin to consider filing for divorce.
What I find so shocking, is ( I consider my self a balanced, moral, normal, intelligent woman) how many times i have to
tell myself that this lifestyle he is still living is wrong, and that 'I am not crazy". He does not want a divorce, I am now demanding that the relationship must be completely severed, his whole family agrees, as does all of his friends,
but he will not admit that there is any problem of any degree within this relationship. He tells me " You are crazy and I will never abandon my friend, it would be morally reprehensible".
I guess i want you all to know that I believe also so strongly that God is leading the way. I have never beleived in divorce, but I have told my children that if I have to do this to model integrity in a marriage, so be it.
I, also still love this man, and am convinced that i will until the
day I die. However, I see God bringing me out of this mire,
shaking the foundations that are not glorifying to Him, and although I am fearful (in my worse moments) He is helping me to remain faithful, and trust that His ways are higher.
I don't know if this will help anyone in any way, but I have also been disrespected, neglected, and completely invalidated for having raised questions concerning this relationship with his friend.
My heart is extended towards everyone that is reading this, as i know if you are here, then you are facing pain, but please take heart in knowing, you are surrounded by a great cloud of witnesses, and embraced in the Everlasting Arms.

-- posted by angelrain