Abuse

» iamback - Verbal Abuse

Hi Rita,

I believe you're right when you say most people don't think verbal abuse really has a negative affect on adults. Generally most people are outraged when verbal hostility is waged against a child or teen, but then for some reason, we tend to believe that once you become an adult, you should pretty much have gotten your self-esteem issues in tact and that you are now capable of discerning what is truth and what is in error about yourself.

I am just realizing how I have been hurt by the verbal abuse & cruel treatment I received from my dad. For years I actually thought I wasn't effected by it. I believed that I had developed a thick skin and had risen above the negative experiences of my childhood. So I was very shocked when I actually began seeing the same behaviors in me as I had observed in my mom when I was a child.

I am hoping that I have a better chance of healing from these affects if I face my reality and try to find healthy ways of dealing with many of my issues. Because of the almost constant yelling, ranting and screaming -- I am afraid of the very thought of violence. For years, my fear was used as another weapon to terrorize me by my father -- in response, I changed my fear into anger --which I learned is a secondary response to not dealing with the initial issue. For years I was angry at the world until I was about 25 years old. Then I decided that I would not allow myself to be controlled by anger any more.

It is only now that I have been able to face the years of pain, hurt and fear that I felt while growing up. I am beginning to understand how my early years of experiences have shaped me into the person that I am. If I could have my way I would erase all of those experiences, but that would change me from who I have become today ... and I am growing rather fond of this person.

Take care of yourself. Healing doesn't happen over night some times it takes years. My journey of healing is in its 44th year.

-- posted by iamback