Abuse

» abby1966 - Am I crazy?

I have been dating a man for the last 4 years who continuously puts me down. I can never seem to do anything right. While at times, he can be great and easy to get along with - other times its like Jekyll and Hyde. For example, I am ADHD and was on medication for that - he said that I didn't need medication that medication was for weak people and obviously I was a very weak person. He can be fine one minute and then the next minute he is just going verbally going off with the sharpest tongue you have ever seen. Another example, I was washing dishes at his house one night and he came up to the sink and grabbed the dish and said that I wasn't doing it right. Another time, I was taking some clothes out of the dryer and he came and told me that I was not folding the clothes correctly. When I tell him that I don't feel as if I can ever do anything good enough for him - he tells me that I'm just a very insecure person and that I need help. When I try and tell him about these things that bother me he will change the subject and act like it never happened or that he ever said that. When I cry because it hurts my feelings he tells me that I am too sensitive and that I need to be thick skinned like he is. I even went and talked to a therapist and his reaction was well thats so funny that you would pay someone to talk to and you want talk to me. I've tried to talk to him believe me he just refuses to listen and tells me that I'm crazy. He constantly makes remarks to me like maybe you need to see if you can date your shrink. Everyweek after my appt. with the doctor he'll say are you normal yet or when are you going to reach normalcy? Jan. 20th was my birthday and we went out. He wanted to dance and I didn't want to because it was so crowded. He told me that if I didn't dance then he was done with me. I didn't end up dancing. When we got back to his house it was midnight and I live an hour away. He took and threw my gifts out onto the porch. Then he kept on saying "Can I get you some water - maybe you need to take another pill?" I started to cry and was very upset too upset to get in a car and drive at that time of night. I sat on the couch and he said I'm going to bed, you can sit there as long as you want but I wouldn't give you water/foor and when you die I'll just drag you out onto the porch. When I finally regained my composure I drove home crying all the way. He never apologizes for anything he says - he'll just act like nothing happened. Tonight, I was talking to him and he had acted fine yesterday, today very rude and saying things like maybe you need to call your S H R I N K! I need to date someone who is normal and doesn't love drama (he refers to drama if I even speak about anyone or anything) but he talks about his brother and his wife every day and every thing that they are not doing that they should be doing, but when I say well isn't this drama also according to you - he says I don't talk about them (you must be crazy). I've confronted him before about the way in which he speaks to me and is always putting me down and he always tells me that I am a very insecure person who has a very low self-esteem. I'm not a stupid person I have 2 undergrads and a masters but he has made me believe that I'm crazy and a total loser. I do love him, I don't know why and I wish that I could just turn off my feelings for him. Everytime, that I get up my courage to not return his calls for a day or two, he will call or either e-mail me and act like nothing is wrong and I always fall back into that same old trap. One day he's asking me to move in with him and the next day he's saying I'm crazy, etc. He says that when I get upset and cry that I am being manipulative (I'm not that way at all I cry because it hurts when someone is saying things like that about you). I just turned 41 years old and he just turned 54. We both have been married in the past and are divorced - neither one of us have kids. He always said that his ex-wife cried all the time - I wonder if he said things to her like this? Please someone out tell me that I'm not crazy and how do you get over someone that you love saying these things to you and going on with your life? People just say move on, but its not that easy.

-- posted by abby1966