Abuse

» iamback - Recognizing I was in verbally abusive relationship

In response to Recognizing I was in verbally abusive relationship posted by Lotta1003:

Hi Lotta1003,

I'm glad my experience helped you a bit. Before my husband and I got married, he told me he felt he couldn't depend on me for emotional support. I remember asking him what he needed from me that I wasn't doing or giving him -- he responded by telling me if he had to tell me what I should be doing, then it wouldn't be sincere. So I read every book I could find on being supportive.

A month before our tenth wedding anniversary as I was about to leave for work, my husband told me, "You know, I have never been able to depend on you for emotional support. The financial part, yeah you do that, put the emotional you have never done. You know I've always known what you needed from me emotionally, but since you didn't give me what I needed, I decided I wouldn't you what you needed." I was so shocked, I remember beginning my breathing exercises, to ward off an asthma attack. When he saw the severity of my reaction, he came up with some metaphor, about our "marriage being strong as the forty foot trees in our back yard and having these types of 'discussions' are helping us to now put down roots." I remember looking out the back door and thinking to myself, if those trees are just beginning to put down roots, they're going to fall when the next storm comes.

In March of 2006 I filed for a divorce after my husband refused to say a single word to me during a three and a half week period. After I told him that I had filed for divorce he began actively showing me he was searching for a job, he went on interviews and returned calls to potential opportunities. He promised to change, go into counseling and the like -- so I contacted my attorney and informed her that we were reconciling. In May he was no closer to getting a job than he was in the previous months & years, and he became increasing rude and aggressive. I believe my husband only got a job because he had no choice. I learned from my sister-in-law, that prior to our marriage, his family had always bailed him out of his financial messes -- so perhaps their not helping him as much as they had previously done forced him into realizing that he would have to work to support himself.

-- posted by iamback