Abuse

» xhammiex - Recovering from verbal abuse/rape...long

I'm new here. Hello all

I stumbled across these discussion boards while looking for a book that would maybe help me with my recovery from verbal abuse.

I'm 18, soon to be 19, right now. I dated a verbally abusive guy from the time I was 16 (in 2004) until August of 2006. He was nice, of course, when we first met eachother. We would hang out and go places, like couples generally do. Everything was smooth. We really liked eachother and spending time together. A few months down the road, he got to where he didn't want to do anything but stay at my house and yell at his stupid video games. I suppose, in my young frame of mind, I thought this was acceptable. Note that he was 21 at this time, five years older than me. I'm not quite sure what happened, maybe it was something I said, but he just got really mean all of a sudden. Everything that went wrong was somehow twisted around and made out to be my fault. I denyed being abused when my friends would say he was abusing me. I would always try to justify his insensitive behavior and mannerisms.
Oftentimes he would humiliate me so badly in public that I would cry. When I cried, he would mock me and call me names in front of complete strangers. This was about a year into our relationship. He made himself out to be the good guy and me the insane child when he would talk to my mom. I think he may have even turned her against me at some point.
He didn't like my friends, so I felt that I shouldn't go out with them. I was 17 and cooped up in my room every night for fear that he wouldn't like anything that we happened to go out and do. We went to my senior prom and didn't dance to one song. I hardly spoke to anyone. He wouldn't drive his car, so I drove us to my own prom. He made everything out to be a chore, like he was being forced to spend time with me and do the things I wanted to do.
Not too long after my prom, he brainwashed me into having sex with him. I was 18 at this time. I didn't feel right doing it, but I kept that to myself. I would not have dared said the word "rape" nor would I have told him I didn't enjoy it. I didn't tell anyone, and I still haven't told many people, that I had become sexually active. I wanted to save that for someone special, someone I planned on being with forever. I thought I would have to be with him forever, though, because I thought he would turn hostile if I ever left him. I had this horrible fear of losing everything if I left him, so I held off on it. I just dealed with the abuse.
One day he got angry with me because I sprayed him, in a joking manner, with the water hose. He always told me I didn't have a sense of humor. He did the same thing to me a few minutes beforehand. We were washing my car, it was the middle of the summer. He gets angry, starts yelling at me, and throws one of those mits you wear to wash the car with at me with quite a bit of force. I start crying and he takes off and spins out in his car. Of course he comes back to yell at me some more, he always did, so I got fed up and left. While I was driving I had a panic attack so I had to come back home. I realized he put my life in jeapordy and it was time to do something about it.
A few weeks later, after I had gathered my thoughts, I broke up with him on our two year anniversary. Poetic justice, right?
It's been five months but I can still hear his hateful words yelling at me in my head when I think I do something wrong. I feel like everything I do is done in a "half-assed" way or it's not done correctly. I take a lot of stuff out on myself that I really shouldn't. He started dating another girl a few days later. I got closer to my best guy friend of four years a month later and we're together now. I've never been happier with another person, but sometimes I expect him to yell at me like my ex did. I sometimes get upset for no reason. He's the most mellow guy I know and would never yell at anyone, especially me.

I'm still mentally scarred from my previous relationship. Is there any advice that anyone could give me to overcome this? Aside from "giving it time"? That's obvious. Are there any good books I could read on the subject? I'd appreciate any advice anyone has to offer.

-- posted by xhammiex

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» RitaMeyer - Recovering from rape & verbal abuse

Hello » xhammiex ,
I can really understand what you are going through. I myself am a Rape Survivor, I have a biography of my life of all the horrible things that have happened. Rough life andit started when I was raped at age 16 and gang raped, I am 47 years old now and I am talking about it now. I have been able to talk to others and I also have written a biography and feelings and more of what I went through and how I dealt with them. It is a very hard situation to be in and to get out of that situations. I was such a mess that I fell into a real bad marriage, he was abusive, mentally, he was a terrible person, he destroyed me even more. I have a life long story, I still wonder how I ever made it this far. Please email me back , I would like to do what ever it takes to make you understand, it seems you need some comforting and someone to listen to. The hardest thing for me was talking about it. Please email me back.
Thanks
Rita Meyer

-- posted by RitaMeyer

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» Researcher58 - Recovering from verbal abuse/rape...long

In response to Recovering from verbal abuse/rape...long posted by xhammiex:

To me this seems a tale about a failed attempt to manipulate you, as a young girl, into a 'loverboy' relationship, that might well have ended in you becoming his hooker/prostitute. Many such cases are being recorded and openly discussed in Dutch media, some of which are available in English too.
http://www.narcissisticabuse.com/verbala...
Have a look at the things you find when looking this op in Google :-
http://www.google.nl/search?hl=nl&q=verb...
You may even want to try writing these girls :-
info@bewareofloverboys.nl
http://www.bewareofloverboys.nl/img/love...

-- posted by Researcher58

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» Pinkprincess20 - Its been a hard road my whole life

Hi i just recently joined and im finally coming to terms with all of the horriable things a 20 year old girl yet alone anyone in there life time should ever have to go through and im just looking for people to listen to my story, and if you have had the same types of things happen to you to get in contact with me so im not feeling so alone in these subjects.
ok first off ive been

* Molested by my second couzin that was babysitting me when i was only 6 years old

*My grandfather which was like my dad because my parents have never really been there died without me getting to say goodbye to because i lived in a diffrent country for my fathers work, and when we returned so i could say my goodbyes he died when i was on a flight home, my whole family told me that he didn't love me as much as he loved his wife, and children i ment nothing to him. This is after telling me when he was dying he was calling out for me, and i know my papa loved me with all his heart he was the only one who was there for me

* i lived in a diffrent country i was over wieght had bangs and braces, and talked diffrently from everyone else i was made fun of everysingle day i went to school harassed by kids calling me a fat ugly american girl.

* i moved back a got a eating disorder because my mother told me no one likes fat people and i would have no friends, so i did everything to lose wieght and im 5'6 i wieghed 200 pounds then dropped 85 pounds in 2 months by starving myself.

* when i was 15 i was so alone because my parents never listened to me or even noticed that i had a problem and i still couldn't handle losing my papa so i took 12 diet pills which my mom bought for me since i was 14 to help a anerexic girl lose wieght i almost died and had my stomach pumped the only reason my mom knew something was wrong because she was screaming at me to go to school when i told her i was to depressed to get out of bed. i ended up in a crazy house which i didn't fit in because half the people there where mentaly retarded which im far from. my parnets got me out and again ignored my problems and threw my at a counsler which helped me for a little while.

* when i was 16 i was at a party with 2 of my friends. one of my friends brought her boyfriend. by the end of the party i had way to much to drink so i crawled in the back seat of the jeep we were all riding home in my 2 friends this kid who liked one of my friends my friends boyfriend and this jock honour student i went to highschool with. my 2 friends sat int the front seat the kid who liked one of my friends drove and my friends boyfriend and the jock sat in the back seat with me. i passed out and woke up to my pants at my ankles the music blasting one of the jocks hand was covering my molth and my friends boyfriend was holding my legs down with one hand i was soo weak because i was barley eating still at the time i couldn't move, the both shoved there hands inside of my virgina at the same time and they were laughing! i was bleeding because i was still a virgin and i wasn't enjoying it what so ever.. i blacked out of shock because no one was paying attention in the front seat, they were just into themselfs and the song that was on...i woke up to my face in the jocks crotch and his penis poking me in the face,i held my molth shut as he kept on trying to force himself in my molth..then the horriable car ride stopped the two boys took there hands off me right away as my friends said jen lets go into ***** house. then they turned the light on and they were like come on jen get a room with the "jock" i had tears running down my face my friend who's house it belonged to and which her boyfriend was involed noticed something was wrong when i wouldn't stop crying and the jock kept on trying to force me out of the car and telling me to come home with him. she pulled me out of the car and said to my other friend and the jock and the kid that was driving they better all go home.as me my friend and the kid who contributed to one of the most horriable things to happen to me since my second couzin who was baby sitting me forcing me to touch and suck his penis when i was 6 years old he made me pee in my kitchen sink as he watched me and he came in my molth i was so scared he said he would tell my mom i was being bad so i had to do everything he told me or i would be in soo much trouble so i kept my molth shut intil i was 16 1/2... but back to this me and my friend plus the creep of a boyfriend stubbled into her house she told me we had to all go down stairs at first.. she left me in the room alone with him because she had to pee and didn't want to wake her parents to find out she snuck her boyfriend in.. so she had to go outside she left me in the room with him he layed on the bed and stuck his tongue out making licking gesters and pulled his penis out saying i was a good half italian half irish girl i should be with a good italian boy as his started flipping his penis around my friend walked in and he flipped over and threw the blankets on himself so she wouldn't see i told her i was going up stairs to go to bed so she could be alone with him.. he started yelling that i should join them in bed i was soo scared i ran up stairs and my so called friend was mad because she to find out wanted to have a 3 some with me and him. i woke up in the am in her bed with her holding on to me like cuddling with me i pushed her off of me and realised my pants were off again, she smiled and said her and her boyfriend got into a fight and she wanted to be with me and not to get wierded out but she had a dream she hooked up with me i asked her why my pants were off she changed the subject and got up to call her boyfriend.. later that day i told her what happened she called me a whore and said i forced myself on him thats what he said we got into a huge fight and i didn't talk to her til school i walked into school and every one muttered slut under ther breath as i walked in and said hi to people... my study teacher who helped me with homework asked me what was wrong i made her promise to tell anyone and told her. she confronted the honourskid / jock who was friend with her niece i went to high school with she said i was a lier and i was in denial that i hooked up with him and he was embarsed he got to school early to make sure he got there before me, and told everyone i was a whore that was all over him and it was a big mistake he had made to agree to hook up with me cuz i was friends with a bunch of cheerleaders he said i was a skinny girl who guys liked but he only dated cheerleaders and he was humilated that i would even say that he was a honours student and a football player i played soccer for one year and partied alot with my friends and my grades wern't that great. so in the end no one believed me and i was known as a whore til my senoir year when i wasn;t at all.

* my junior year the summer before my senior year i met my boyfriend now i experimented with tons of drugs and started sniffing oxy cotton daily with him we went to one of his friend house and he said try this out jen its a generic oc it's brown though i was so young and unaware i sniffed it i sniffed it for like a week intil i started liking it way mosre then oxy's his friend starting laughin and told me i was sniffing herion.. i was soo scared HERION! thats like the scariest drug ever.. to find out my boyfriend was addicted to them and the first three years of us going out i suported his drug habit because i didn't want to see him withdraw i had two good paying jobs which i worked from 3:30am -to 11 pm at night.

* im with him now still he threatens me verbally all the time when he gets angry at me, he just actually walked into the room and i finally TRIED to read him the whole story of what happened to me with my friends boyfriend and the jock and he said it cant be true because my birgina was to tight for them to fit both of there hands inside of me not listening to what i said at all and me telling him that i was bleeding for a week after that.. he just told me i wasn't being truful and i was a c*nt and a B*tch for not hearing him correctly and being mean to him he i tried reading it again he started punching the punching bag in the computer room and took my ciggerettes and my lighter my parents bought me and the gas money he gave me for driving him around every wher includling to work every am and everywhere he wants to go im like his taxi...i told him he didn't care and he walked out saying i was right he doesn't... im soo scared i lost all my friends bacause of him and he doesn;t let me do anything without coming in and reaind what im writting i constantly have to take care of him and worship him cuz thats what girlfriends doo in his eyes.. the few things he has bought me he rubs in my face when i ask for money for gas or he buys me a iced coffee like he was a medal. im so scared if i break up with him he will hurt me and my family because i have threatened to drive him home but i didn't i asked him what he would have done with i drove him home he said he would of gotten so angry he would have hurt me cuz im a controlling bitch... well my fingers are hurting from typing so much and im going to get screamed at when i enter my own room he is laying down in now.
thanks for listening to my story if you have

-- posted by Pinkprincess20

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