Abuse

» amicrazy - I love him but cant be with him

Its funny how life has a nack of giving you a big kick up the backside and jolting you into reality.
The worm finally turned I am completely mortified by my actions.
To cut a long 6 year story short i have tried to loved and supported a man who i now realise has mastered the art of verbal abuse.
I have been up and down for what seems like forever. the comfort eating has now made me into as he put it a fat f***** whore! nice term of endearment on new years eve! that on top of so much tip toeing around him over xmas sent me completely overboard, he told me that i wasnt fit to stop in his bed took off to his room and locked it. Result i flipped my lid. lost it completely! I could blame it on drink but i wont i think i finally just couldnt hack the fact that he could just treat me exactly how he wanted and i would just try and put a smile on and make things right!
I kicked the door which inturn damaged the lock and he couldnt get out to in his words kick my head in! if he could have turned the lock i know i would be writting this from a hospital bed! Anyway after making the call to get the door open i left just before he got out and there is no going back. I refuse to be turned into a psycho again. i love him but i need to love myself more.
I have over 6 years gained a great collection of self help books, read all of them but always before backslided. Not this time! New year new me.
Im not scared of being on my own because it must be better than always trying to doing the right thing for him, and living with the dissapointment and sick in the stomach feeling when things suddenly turn.
He has twisted my head for the last time swore at me for the last time, i wont have to sit in a car and have the road rage to listen to, the sudden bouts of anger over the smallest little thing.
I hope i sound strong because i am really praying i can be!!
I pray that i can find the person i am sure i used to be.

-- posted by amicrazy