Abuse
Is This Normal?
- mkwhitten88
- stress30
- ajmsoul
- klly1
- magictouch
- reallydown
» mkwhitten88 - My husband is normally a very funny, outgoing person who is grea
My husband is normally a very funny, outgoing person who is great to be around, but sometimes, probably once every week or so, he turns into a monster. He acts like a spoiled brat who is used to getting his way, which I know is not true. For instance, if he is taking a nap, no one can make a sound in the house or he will get mad. I told him that is out of line. We have two teenagers and we can't be totally silent for him. He also gets upset if he doesn't have what he wants to eat in the house and will start making comments about how inadequate I am. I never seem to buy the right things and he always says that he is going to buy them himself and hide them from the rest of us. We have begun calling this his "dark moods" because in a way it is almost like living with someone who is bipolar. He gets upset at the smallest things and says that I "set him off". He also gets a strange look his eyes when he is acting this way. I don't know how to explain it. We have been married for almost 20 years and he has always done this. Now, though, our kids are 17 and 14 and they are noticing it as well. They see that this is not normal. His father was an alcoholic who was very verbally abusive. I told him once during a very bad time that I would not live like his mother did. I sometimes think that he is just acting what he used to see growing up. I have begged him over the years to go to counseling. But, he says nothing is wrong so he won't go. Now that my kids are seeing this behavior too, I know I am not crazy, but I don't want my kids to learn this too. We all love him very much, but I don't know how much more I can take. What do I do? I know I am not perfect by any means and I know that disagreements are normal, but this doesn't seem normal to me. How do I deal with this before I lose my mind?
-- posted by mkwhitten88
» stress30 - My husband is normally a very funny, outgoing person who is grea
In response to My husband is normally a very funny, outgoing person who is grea posted by mkwhitten88:
My husband too gets a really strange look in his eye when he is in his "dark moods" I have seen it too many times and of course he doesn't and doesn't think anything is wrong with him so counseling is out of the question. What is that weird "look" in his eye. It is truly like they are Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde completley, there are way too many similarities in all of these men in all of these blogs that is scary in itself and I really wish i could understand what it was. What is it, bipolar, personality disorder, what?? But no it is not normal and it is very scary. Right now, things are good, last week they were bad. ??? That is how it has been for 2 years.
-- posted by stress30
» ajmsoul - My husband is normally a very funny, outgoing person who is grea
In response to My husband is normally a very funny, outgoing person who is grea posted by mkwhitten88:
Hi MK,
Can you identify anything that is the same around the times he gets into these dark moods and as you describe, "turns into a monster?" What you are describing sounds like it has to do with some stress he experiences and does not at all cope well with. There is an element of abuse in the control you describe that he tries to exert over the environment and your family.
It sounds like something that he does need help with because he should be able to control himself and not be displacing on you and others whatever he isn't coping well with inside.
You may want to see a counsellor yourself to come up with the most effective strategy to deal with this.
It does however, come down to what you deem acceptable or not. If you can't live with it and he can't or won't stop doing it and your children are being effected you may have to seriously think about whether or not it will be healthy for the three of you to remain in the environment with him - or at least during the times that he gets into these
moods.
A.J.
-- posted by ajmsoul
» klly1 - My husband is normally a very funny, outgoing person who is grea
In response to My husband is normally a very funny, outgoing person who is grea posted by stress30:
Wow! I thought my husband was the only one like this. He is VERY MOODY! This is my second marriage and I thought he was "the one". I noticed his moods when we were just dating. I always thought maybe I was overreacting. I've noticed a pattern. He's very happy when he's drinking. When he goes a few days without, look out! Everyone and everything gets on his nerves. The kids can't do anything right, I can't do anything right. But, if I say anything, he says it's my fault that he is like that. I've gone to counseling in the past and am considering it again. He will not go. I think he needs help, but he is definitely not willing. So, do I stay and just "deal" with it and avoid him during these times? I don't know. It is very difficult to understand.
-- posted by klly1
» magictouch - My husband is normally a very funny, outgoing person who is grea
In response to My husband is normally a very funny, outgoing person who is grea posted by klly1:
Hi,
I just want to say that I too saw that 'weird' look in my x's eyes. Besides his eyes, his aura would change as well, his face would become very dull, almost like there is a black cloud hovering his head. I also noticed these in photographs. In a picture, where he was in a good mood ( trying to get me back into the relationship ), his aura would be extremely bright and he looks so good in the picture.Compared to a picture where he was in one of his 'nasty mood's , he looked scary in those pictures!
I am no longer with him. Yes, my x was very happy to when he was drinking! There was a pattern too - if he drank that week on a Friday, we'd have a good weekend, if he did not, I would dread the weekend as he would find SOME SILLY reason to get mad at me! 
You're in a marriage now and from what I see, your SOLE responsibility is the well being of your children.
My x grew up in a verbally abusive environment.When I hold my niece, I think of my x when he was a child and sometimes wonder of he would have turned out different he did not grow up in a verbally abusive environment.
READ, READ, READ more about Verbal Abuse and you will find the strength to do what is best for you and your children. YOU and YOUR children DESERVE to be happy.
So don't think you're hallucinating, IT'S REAL!!!
:)
magictouch
-- posted by magictouch
» reallydown - I am so depressed!
You get what you settle for. God is real and he wants you to say to yourself,"I AM Guiltless and I AM innocent".
and if your relationships aren't working with a spouse, tell them, "I love you but I don't resonant with you", and then gently leave... without blaming or guilt or shame, etc. Just say "I don't resonant with you". The harmony isn't there. This message came from Neale Donald Walsch's video on Relationships.
How do I know is true?
Listen to my story. It may change you forever.
I have never had or been accussed of having any mental issues ever (I only saw double vision from drinking too much, which only happened a couple of times during my reckless youth) nor had I heard voices, except when I was about to be in an accident, a voice would warn me... "There are cows in the road", or "you are about to have an accident". I usually get a 20 second warning it seems. Sure enough "it" was right everytime. This has happened only a very few times, and only before I was about to have a terminal moment.
You have guides. They will help you. You must ask them for advice, perferable while you are about to go to bed. Ask to have many guides. There are not limits.
Make it your intention to wake up with the answer... and it will come quickly. I managed a very difficult relationship where my wife (who was neglected and abused) was being impossible... but I had a vivid prophetic dream before we got married. In it, a messenger of God (this is going to sound silly) that used Al Pacino's image and persona to interact with me) sayed, that I didn't have long to live and if I ever "did her wrong" I would have less time than that. After 4 gruelling years trying to (poorly) council and right our relationship, I got a reward. On our forth anniversary, we went to a nice Hotel to celebrate (get out of the house, etc.) While she was out of the room filling the champange chiller with ice, I remained behind and laid in bed. Just after she left, I (for reasons I don't understand still, since I'm not a 'churchy' type, nor do I attend church to this day) asked (out loud), "God will you talk to me"? and he answered. First a Love beyond all you have ever felt combined, along with what felt like all the tenderness that has ever been experienced in the world collectively, came through me, and for me. Then he began to speak saying... blessed are...
I began crying so hard I couldn't hear what was being said... (note: no drugs or alcohol, etc involved and this has never happened before or since then)... Then another sentence beginning with "Blessed are..."
I was washed away by what is refer by many as "Grace", which coincidentally was my wife's name. I mean grace here in terms of feeling underserving of such love beyond compare.
He kept saying sentences that started with "Blessed are..." but I kept sobbing to hard to hear.
The feelings were overwhelming my ability to input any more data, even from God himself!
I finally got a grip on myself and was able to hear the last "blessing". He said,
"Blessed are you, for you are TRULY LOVED".
And that when I really broke down. Just then my wife returns to the room with the ice...
She still to this day is unsure if I'm pulling her leg about all this, but when she left I was upbeat and in a good mood, and when she returned 20-30 seconds later, I was speechless for several moments, while she desperately queried me about why I was crying harder than she had ever seen.
After researcing this phenomenon month later, I found a video by Neale Donald Walsch, author of "Conversations with God" who described the feeling excatly the same way... so I know he knows what it is like, and know he's legit, at least about how it feels, and now you do too somewhat. I suggest you read his material.
"If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose."
--Philippians 2:1-2 (New International Version)
-- posted by reallydown
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