Abuse

» Talk_to_me - I dont understand my dad and sister - any advice?

Im new to this site. I am desperate for help before I go mad. It is a long story, but how do you know if you are being emotionally abused?

My dad and sister are so similar, they can be nice as pie one day and the moment you do something that they do not like they can get angry, say hurtful things, make me feel guilty and I believe try to manipulate me into 'conforming'.
Unfortunately I have always given in as it is too upseting to stand my ground - then both are fine with me as if nothing has happened. I am left feeling angry and resentful...

So much more, but is there someone there to talk?

-- posted by Talk_to_me

» ajmsoul - I dont understand my dad and sister - any advice?

Hi there,

The way you describe your father and sister sounds as though they are, to say the least, unpredictible and controlling.

If you feel you are being abused you are likely right. It is not for me to say you are or you aren't being abused.

How do they "make you" feel guilty? How are you "manipulated into conforming"?

The answers to these questions are likely evidence that you are being abused.

However, having said that whether or not, for whatever reason, you feel guilty with them, or feel they are pressuring or intimidating you to conform, they can't make you do those things. You have the right to not agree, and to not coform with what they want.

Please take care of yourself first. That may mean limiting your time spent with these two if they can't treat you with respect.

I would urge you to get professional help so that you can have proper support to explore this and to have some guidance as to what you need to do to be safe and to not have to endure anymore abuse.

A.J.

-- posted by ajmsoul

» Talk_to_me - I dont understand my dad and sister - any advice?

Thanks, I am seeing a counsellor which is helpful in discovering how I feel and insights into perhaps why. I dont put myself first and i need to.

I have limited time with both, but feel sad about having to do this, after all its my dad and sister.

How do they make me feel guilty? - Well through what they say to me, nothing nasty but things which lay blame at my door ' I dont know why you are so selfish and where you get it from ' ' you are wrong, why cant you see ' They never appologise for things they have done or taken responsibilty for their actions - I believe in saying sooy, they dont. The guilt comes from me feeling like I am wrong.
Manipulation - by being given ultimatiums or again upsetting me and i want to have a relationship so i give in. Example -I had a fall out with my sister and was told by my dad 'its your fault, unless you phone her i cant have the same relationship with you..' Even though i approached himafter we feel out and asked him how he felt and he was fine -then he changed his mind,like 2 different people.
As i feel my sister doesnt respect me, my dad said 'if she really told you what she thought about you,youd never speak to her again' I haven chosen my cousin for my bridesmaid in may. This caused major fall out, even though i wanted my sisters daughter to be flowergril.. boht said they didnt know if they would come, dad said he didnt know if he could walk me down the isle or say nice things about me and my sister said if i dont drop my cousin shes not coming.

I actually stood my ground this time, and after some awful months, they are both now acting as if nothing has happened...

Sorry must go, hope for a reply. ;)

-- posted by Talk_to_me