Abuse

» maryjg - what to do

I don't know what to do. my husband is very controlling. when we first got together he was so loving and understanding. He got custody of his 3 year old son. Wanting me to give up my job and stay home and take care of son. So I did. This child has been a lot of trouble gets in trouble at school all the time I am the one that has to handle it. Oh we have been together now for ten years. He is always telling me he doesn't trust me. Trust is something you earn after ten year you would think i had earn it. I have never cheated on him and never would. I stay home all the time. when I do go see my mother i hear how do i know that's where you went. I have 3 children from my first marriage and my first husband hit me all the time i left him after 16 years. My husband now has never hit me and I don't think he would. But it is control that drives me crazy. If I go any where it is how do I know what you were doing. You are suppose to want to be with me. I'm suppose to be your best friend you don't need anyone else. Now he has started about my son-in-law. when my daugher and her husband come over i can't ask my son in law if he wants something to eat or drink. My husband tells me that it's my daughters place to do that not mine. I am his wife. I am not to wait on any other man. Now he has move his 15 year old daugher in with us. Yes another problem child she is failing every class at school. When I try to talk to him about her he says things like you hate her don't you. Or sorry my kids aren't perfect like yours. I have never said my kids are perfect. I don't know what to do. I told him i was going to go back to work. He said I was just wanting to get another man. don't want another man.With his daugher here we need more money. Hard to make ends meet. Extra money would come in handy.Is this abuse or is this just life. I know that in first marriage it was abuse he would call me bad names and hit. This one doesn't call names or hit. It's just control control control.

-- posted by maryjg

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» ajmm - what to do

In response to what to do posted by maryjg:

Hi Maryjg,

Yes, the controlling that you describe your husband as doing is abusive. A person does NOT have to name call or hit you to be abusive. You should be free to see whomever you want when you want and to offer a houseguest food or drink.

The fact that he is so jealous, mistrusting, and insecure, is a big red flag. If you aren't careful, when you decide to do what you want (which is your right) he may up the anti in more abusive ways.

It is not just life, it is abuse. Sadly, all-too-often it is from this base of control, control, control, that other forms of abuse emerge as well.

I hope that you will seek some support and/or counselling in your area as you decide what you can and cannot live with anymore. You deserve to be respected and treated like a partner and not a child.

Be careful, get support and stay safe.

A.J.

-- posted by ajmm

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