Abuse

» optimisticchange - Just now realized I may have been abused as a child

I am in the midst of a lot of changes and have recently begun to see a therapist for things that have continued to impair my successes in life. In the midst of all this, came the possibility that my experience as a child may have been as an abused child, although that is a really difficult thing to grasp (defense mechanisms are a wonderful protection). What had occurred is just now coming to the forefront of my memories. I do recall frequent instances of being slapped on the backside or arm or leg at the hand of my father usually, that always left a very distinct outline of the hand. I was hyperactive, and by no means easy to handle. Regardless of this fact, I doubt that running after me, trying to kick me, was a solution that would solve the problem. It happened though, often. Aside from those physical aspects, the emotional aspects of isolation, withholding of emotional expression (was never told I was loved, nor was I hugged) left me with social impairment. I have worked hard to overcome what I believe was an unhealthy upbringing, and that has included distancing myself from family, because it is psychologically necessary. I continue to receive angry emails from them, but at this point I have nothing to say. I recently expressed to my partner, the things that I was beginning to remember about my childhood. She explained that her father was aggressive as well, though I don't believe it was physical towards her. She added that for our generation, this somehow was "normal" and implied that it shouldn't have such an impact on me. Years ago, I might have agreed that I need to "get over it" and its somehow "normal" to have lived a life in that way. I don't believe that at this point, and I think for the first time, I am correct in the speculations regarding my childhood. Thoughts on this are certainly appreciated.

-- posted by optimisticchange

» ajmsoul - Just now realized I may have been abused as a child

Hi optimisticchange,

As one who has been there the first thing I would say is trust yourself. Trust your instincts and trust your feelings. This is not always easy due to the very defense mechanisms you mentioned.

For sometime I was in blissful denial that I had a "wonderful childhood" when in actual fact I was physically, verbally, emotionally, and sexually abused. We do what we have to do to survive these childhoods. We deny to protect ourselves.

The truth not only is intent on winning out but it really does set one free.

What you describe about your father being aggressive and hitting, I also experienced and it is abuse. It is not normal.

"Get over it" doesn't work. I think many people have tried that. It is important to be in therapy and work through the very real pain of this very real abuse.

Sometimes we have to leave or end, even family relationships (for a time or forever) in order to get well, recover, and be healthier ourselves. It sounds as if you have implemented a boundary with your family and angry emails in not responding. I hope that you continue to take care of yourself and know that you are courgeous.

It is easy to doubt what we really wish wasn't true. I've been there, my thoughts on this are that we can trust what we feel and that deep down inside when we stop protecting againt the pain of what we know to be true we can face that pain and we can recover.

My best to you,
A.J.

-- posted by ajmsoul

» optimisticchange - Just now realized I may have been abused as a child

Hi A.J.

Thank you for your response, its good to know that your gut feeling is a good indication of something not being quite right. I have implemented pretty significant boundaries at this point, and will be discussing the situation for the first time in my life with a professional (I have been in therapy before, but never brought this topic up) next week.
The response from my family isn't surprising, but its interesting how they resort to methods of manipulation that in the past, had been effective, but now are not. I attribute this difference to my training. I am a therapist, believe it or not, but the education and training I received has not only been beneficial in my work, but also in my life. I look forward to being able to translate my own experiences to continuing improvement as a professional so that I can help others.

-- posted by optimisticchange