Abuse

» optimisticchange - Just now realized I may have been abused as a child

I am in the midst of a lot of changes and have recently begun to see a therapist for things that have continued to impair my successes in life. In the midst of all this, came the possibility that my experience as a child may have been as an abused child, although that is a really difficult thing to grasp (defense mechanisms are a wonderful protection). What had occurred is just now coming to the forefront of my memories. I do recall frequent instances of being slapped on the backside or arm or leg at the hand of my father usually, that always left a very distinct outline of the hand. I was hyperactive, and by no means easy to handle. Regardless of this fact, I doubt that running after me, trying to kick me, was a solution that would solve the problem. It happened though, often. Aside from those physical aspects, the emotional aspects of isolation, withholding of emotional expression (was never told I was loved, nor was I hugged) left me with social impairment. I have worked hard to overcome what I believe was an unhealthy upbringing, and that has included distancing myself from family, because it is psychologically necessary. I continue to receive angry emails from them, but at this point I have nothing to say. I recently expressed to my partner, the things that I was beginning to remember about my childhood. She explained that her father was aggressive as well, though I don't believe it was physical towards her. She added that for our generation, this somehow was "normal" and implied that it shouldn't have such an impact on me. Years ago, I might have agreed that I need to "get over it" and its somehow "normal" to have lived a life in that way. I don't believe that at this point, and I think for the first time, I am correct in the speculations regarding my childhood. Thoughts on this are certainly appreciated.

-- posted by optimisticchange