Abuse

» magictouch - Scared to leave, Scared to stay

Hi leila1030,

I am so sorry you are having such a hard time.I know how scarry it was get to stay in the relationship and the thought of leaving just makes you want to cry..

I too had never been in an abusive relationship before, and just before I got into an abusive relationship my heart was broken by a normal guy who was not abusive. I just wanted to share that with you. I know how painful it might be for you.

You ended your posting here with 'PLEASE HELP ME!!!' I congratulate you on taking your first step to helping yourself by writing in to this site.WELL DONE!

I am proud that you took time out for yourself to recognize the misery you are in and decide to ask for help.

I'll share with you my experience, I was very close to getting married to my x.He was a verbal abuser. 3 weeks after the sweet honeymoon period, he had his first blow up on me for the silliest reason, just because I had to rush off for an appoinment and could not see him at the specific time he wanted me too, though I would see him after my appoinment.This was the first, things for worse after that, the cycle of his blow ups from 3 weeks escallated to once a week!
At that time, I just thought he had a temper problem, only after 6 months of being with him did I come to learn about Verbal Abusers, thanks to my younger sister who had seen a show on TV about Verbal Abuse.I loved him dearly and I cared for him deeply.We had an incredible connection, and our chemistry was amazing. Today I am still trying to understand what the deep connection was,but what matters MOST is that I am OUT OF IT and I no LONGER cry myself to sleep.:)

When I was with him, my self esteem dropped to ZERO, I developed anxiety and just like you I hardly spent time with my loved one, especially my sisters and mother of whom I am VERY CLOSE too.

It was VERY HARD to leave him.BUT I knew mentally I HAD too.

The first thing that I did was I spoke to my mom, then my sisters and my best friend. All of them were so happy that I had finally decided to break up with him and they could see the misery on my face when I was with him. My mother, sisters, best friend and this website were my SOLE SUPPORT of Strength when I was getting out of the relationship, OVER and ABOVE ALL,GOD carried me through this painful time.

I was SOOOOO AFRAID to leave him, because I thought I would never find another deep connection with a man like that again, plus I believed that he would change.

To proof myself right in believing that he could change, I started doing research on verbal abusers.To my HORROR, I was WRONG!!! Almost all the internet sites state that VERBAL ABUSERS HARDLY CHANGE!! SO thought..nah..maybe these internet sites are WRONG!!! Then I went on to subtly asking around friends, I was surprised when I found out of friends who had been in Verbal ABUSIVE relationships and marriages and how the ABUSE JUST ESCALLATED!!

I finally had to choose between LIVING IN FEAR or LIVING ALONE IN PEACE.

I was committed to finding happiness, thus I choose LIVING ALONE IN PEACE.It has been a few months now since I have CUT OFF all contact with him, he still tries calling, but I do not answer calls nor emails. READ A.J Mahari's Article "Verbal Abuse - The HOOK".It gave me alot of strength. The magic in this article was how it made me see the truth, which was - "MY X DID NOT LOVE ME". The truth really did set me free.

Start reading up on everything you can get your hand on about VERBAL ABUSE, the more you know, the stronger your mind will be!

The question here is, WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO?

magictouch77

-- posted by magictouch