Abuse

» magictouch - Help With Ideas to fight

In response to Help With Ideas to fight posted by reallydown:
Dear reallydown,
I am so sorry you have had such a hard time.
When I read your post, I could relate to what you're feeling.It was a relief for me to after I broke away from my x.
In a very twisted way, we want him to take away the pain and make it better. The truth of the matter is, HE does not even recognize the fact that he has hurt you.
I was my worst own enemy and I lost myself to him. My self confidence was down in the dumps, it has been about a month and a half now since I cut off all communication with him. There are still times when I get weak and miss him. I use to feel sooo silly for missing him!I was committed to UNDERSTAND why I would still miss someone who did not love me. After reading up more about Verbal Abuse on this site, I learnt that it is ok for me to miss him, but it was also IMPORTANT that I realized my ex was not capcable of love as VERBAL ABUSERS do not know what love is. It was this thought pattern that was VERY hard for me to grasp. I could not understand how that he NEVER DID LOVE ME, as I almost married him. Nevertheless, the more I read, very slowly it started making sense. At times of weakness I still slip into a cloud of confused emotions, but I just sit infront of my pc, log into this suite 101 and read to make sure I clear the cloud, sometimes it takes hours to go away.At times, when it gets really bad, I just have to sleep it off.
You cannot HELP THE WAY YOU FEEL ABOUT HIM, but YOU CAN HELP HOW YOU REACT TO YOUR FEELINGS.
I commend you on taking a courageous step to wanting a better life, I know it must have been a difficult decision to live by, but trust me when I say 'YOU WILL COME AT AS WINNER'!
This is what I did that helped me get through the days and reorganize my thought processes:
1) READ, READ , READ suite 101 and other website on verbal abuse
2)Spent ALL my time with my family. It is important that you spend time with people who have loved you for a long time so you can get back to the person you truly are.
3)CUT off ALL FORMS of COMMUNICATION with him.
It took over my whole life too, being away from him for like cutting an arm off, but being with him was like having him cut my heart out slowly..
I was striken with depression just like you. I also developed anxiety.
At the end of it all, I was not ONLY left with NOTHING, I was also left with depression, anxiety and a broken heart.
BUT
I choose not to blame him, because the more I blamed him, the more weaker I felt. The more I blamed him, the more I wanted him next to me to soothe the pain. The magical turn came for me when I read an article by A.J Mahari that stated "THE HORRIBLE THINGS HE SAYS HAS NOTHING TO DO ABOUT YOU, IT IS ALL ABOUT HIM"...that's is when I started detaching myself from all the horrible things he has said to me.
You will get over this, the fact that you wrote in here is proof enough that you have what it takes to stand up and be strong.
What thought patterns are you having?
magictouch

-- posted by magictouch