Abuse

» RECRUITER1967 - WHY DOES HE DO THAT AND WHY DOES HE NOT ADMIT IT IS HIS FAULT

Dear suite 101
I am struggling with an abusive situation from verbal and emotional and physcological and some financial abuse.
I did experience physical abuse more than 3 times during our 5 years courtship while during our marriage. At this time I am trying to leave him and he keeps saying where did he get stuck, all i gave him was heartache, misery, bullshits for the past 5 years and nothing but misery i gave to him he said between the courts, the police, and credt cards and etc.
He said i have made his life miserable all these years so i said no one his holding a gun to your head. he wants me to leave and get out.
he said he does nto care it is my decision.
All I can recall is i tried so hard to be a good wife, loving and caring affectionate from the beginning then when he was strated coming abusive with hurtful words and suddenly i became not the same person i was not as affectoinate and felt that I wanted to hug him like I alwasy did I still feel I am very much in love with him and I cannot seem to leave him i miss him too much.
What can i do? I need some advice plesae.
I am almost 39 years old he would not let me have any kids says I am mentally ill he says terrible things to me and he said that evreyone knows it and since he is a doctor for years i should not judge his profession yet my therapist said she is demanding me to leave him asap.
she said i dont want to see you end up in a funeral home or hospital
he has been very violent in the past with me whree he struck me in the head 3 times in 2005 and 2004. He hasn't hit me since 2005. Maybe it is good now he wont hit me anymore
but the other abuyse dont end
he says he never abused me and that I gave me more abuse and pain than anything
I feel like I am the totall balem for this breakup failed marriage

-- posted by RECRUITER1967

» jfarris - WHY DOES HE DO THAT AND WHY DOES HE NOT ADMIT IT IS HIS FAULT

In response to WHY DOES HE DO THAT AND WHY DOES HE NOT ADMIT IT IS HIS FAULT posted by RECRUITER1967:

It is important that you take some action right now. I do understand that you love him. One of the things no one ever tells you is that you can love someone but not necessary like them. I am a firm believer in that you can't always control who you love but you can control HOW you love them.
You need to be talking to someone face to face about this. Your theripist is right, you need to take action before you lose yourself completely. Blame is a chicken way out. Usually when someone is blaming you for something it is because they themselves are trying to skirt the blame. This is not about blame but about quality of life.
He has control issues and he is controlling you with guilt and fear.
I think that some of us grow up with the idea that we are supposed to be afraid of those we love to some degree. If you consider this, our parents enstill fear in us from the beginning, if you don't do what you are told you are fearful that you will be punished. This fear, I believe is carried into our adult years and for many, especially women, we live with a certain amount of fear of our spouses or partners because it is acceptable. You have to change that belief for yourself.
You need to talk with someone who has some authority over this person in your life. Go to the local DA's office and ask to speak to someone there. Ask these people who deal with abusive situations everyday if what you are going through is abuse. No one has the right to make you feel guilty about anything. You are not responsible for this persons happiness and you never were. If they are unhappy, it is on their head not yours. You are 39 years old, it is time to step out there on your own and take control of your life.

-- posted by jfarris

» Barbara Pytel - WHY DOES HE DO THAT AND WHY DOES HE NOT ADMIT IT IS HIS FAULT

In response to WHY DOES HE DO THAT AND WHY DOES HE NOT ADMIT IT IS HIS FAULT posted by jfarris:

Jamie is absolutely right. I've been there a long time ago. It is like being in quicksand. It sucks you under until you can't see clearly. It's not you, never was. I got out, went back to school, raised four kids by myself for 4 years and then met someone so kind and my life totally changed. I became a different person and find it hard to believe that I could have evern been so down on myself. Do it for yourself. Barb, Iowa